How do I tell a lady about my disability without scaring her off?

I have epilepsy. This renders me unable to travel or work (I'm on disability). I'm also stuck living with family (at least for the foreseeable future), which makes regular socializing difficult and meeting new people nearly impossible. I imagine such a lack of independence (even though not my fault) would be an incredible turnoff for women. I had a few minor relationships in high school and college which weren't so hard because we could just meet on or near campus. I just always feel so awkward in this situation. I'd appreciate advice in overcoming this. Also, I'm working toward greater independence by learning freelance translation (Russian/English) and I'm accomplished in arts and music-so it's not like I'm a do-nothing sort. You really wouldn't notice that I'm disabled unless you actually saw me have a seizure.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • If you meet a girl and you guys start hitting it off, as you go for little dates (coffee etc), you could play the question game to get to know one another. You could start by asking little questions like, "What's your favorite color" and lead into bigger ones like, "If you could go anywhere in the world this moment, where would it be and why?" and eventually, (after some time of getting to know her...don't wait too in case she can't handle it, but don't ask too soon as it may be too personal) ask if there's anything about her that she's afraid will scare people away. She can answer (if she wants to) and then you can answer your questions as well. You'd mention it, and she has a) already gotten to know you and probably likes you and b) since she likes you at this point (we're hoping since she keeps hanging out with you) she can accept the fact that that is who you are and respect that you told her about it and that it could scare people away. Her knowing you're independent already, and then knowing something personal about you and how you feel about it, she will most likely accept it. If she doesn't, she isn't right for you and you can move on and search for someone better.

  • It sounds like you're already doing what you can to progress and handling your situation quite well. As far as meeting people, it can definitely be tricky, even for people who aren't dealing with a disability. Unfortunately there's no magic solution, but I would recommend finding ways to meet people who share your interests, such as joining clubs or attending events or even volunteering. You also might consider seeking women who are in the same position as you, since they may be better able to relate to and handle the limitations you face. Best wishes!

    • As far as actually telling someone, I think a straightforward approach would be best. A good time to let her know would be after she has gotten to know you a little (i.e. after a few dates), but before things have gotten serious. Try simply saying, "There's something you should know. I have epilepsy." Then give her a bit of time to process.

What Guys Said 0

Be the first guy to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!