How do I make spending most of my free time with my boyfriend more enjoyable?

I am usually either at work or spending time with my boyfriend (because I have such limited free time that if I don't spend it with him, he feels neglected). The thing is, spending time with him isn't that much fun. He wants me to be into all of the same things that he is (metal, watching him play guitar, football, watching him play video games, watching gory movies) ... and while I can enjoy those things from time to time, spending all of my free time watching him do things he enjoys gets boring. Whenever I make plans, he doesn't want to do it or says that we will be doing something else. I've resigned myself to constantly having to do what he likes, but how can I start to be less bored out of my mind? If spend time doing my own thing, he isn't getting enough attention, you see...


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What Guys Said 2

  • I think it's mistake to spend all your efforts trying to meet his needs ... healthy relationships usually include two partners who are both trying to meet each others' needs, not one sided like you're describing.

    Your needs should almost be naturally met by the relationship... having fun, sharing stories, etc.

    If he's needy (feeling neglected because you're busy) then his neediness is being placed first in this relationship... when you should always be putting yourself first. You are first, he is second.

    You're the only person responsible for the satisfaction of the life you live. When everyone else in this world goes to bed they're taking care of themselves... you should always be doing the same thing. So make sure you're choosing the type of guys who meet your needs, then you won't be wasting your only free time trying to entertain someone else instead of feeling entertained yourself.

    It's not selfish, it's self preservation. ;)

    ~ Robby

  • Um, sounds like you just really don't like your boyfriend. And if you don't enjoy your time together than that's a huge problem. however here is what I see being a problem, if you knew that he was into all the things that you're clearly not into, why bother dating him? You have to be able to spend time together and enjoy it. If he doesn't take the time to do things that you like but expects you to do what he likes then you should just talk to him about it and figure out what are some common things you guys would like doing together. I'm sure you can come up with a few. If you can't find any or he still doesn't agree to your terms, might as well break up and move on because otherwise this would be become a bigger issue.

    And also don't submit to what he wants to do. If you're not having fun or you don't think it will be fun then you should let him know right there and then. It's his job to make sure you're happy and enjoying yourself first. However if he doesn't want to do anything about it, he is not worth your time.

    • He works, doesn't hit people, doesn't cheat or sleep around and works to stay sexually attractive. Those aren't that easy to find amongst guys. I just don't know why I feel the need to do the things I want instead of just doing whatever he wants like a normal girlfriend.

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    • Oh, I am single by nature. I prefer being single ... hence me trying to make this work because I don't usually try very hard. His admirable traits are all right there -- and the kinds of guys I naturally get along with aren't good partners.

    • I understand wanting to try to make it work. But you don't need to give up what you want to do just for him. If he really is a good guy, he wouldn't have a problem with letting you make the plans every once in a while. Talk to him about it if you haven't already, maybe say you feel like he's neglecting your interests.

      Other than that, maybe try to get yourself more involved in what he likes to do; who knows, maybe you'd enjoy learning guitar or playing his videogames.

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