When do you stop talking to other people? I have a weird situation

So I had a fling with a girl last summer. She moved away is why it was just a fling. We stayed in touch, I visited once and the romance was still there. She told me she didn't want to do the distance thing and eventually 2 months later after continuing to talk she said she had met someone. I stopped talking to her. Well back in January we started talking again. Its been pretty platonic. I'm leery of putting myself out there but we keep contacting each other and get along so well. It honestly is like we are both holding onto something that isn't realistic. I am not moving there and she isn't moving home I don't think anytime soon. But it seems we still have a need for one another in each others life.

This is where the dilemma occurs.

I recently started dating a girl. Just a few dates so far and it seems to be going well. This girl seems to think a lot of me. I get the vibe that she may think I'm out of her league. I know her because we share a few friends and played in a volleyball league together last fall. The deal is that she is very aware of the girl who moved away. I got advice from her and another girl during the time when I was trying to figure out what to do with the girl that moved. She pretty much said that me during that time is what attracted her to me. She thought I was so thoughtful and sweet, plus she thinks I'm really attractive.

So my deal is that as things are progressing with this current girl I feel I'm going to have to say something to the girl that moved away about how I can't be talking to her. I don't want to cut ties with her but I don't think the current girl would like me talking to her when she knows how much I liked that girl. Honestly I still like the girl that moved away but I know I can't focus on her when she isn't an option.

So do I tell her I can't talk to her? Do I tell her that I have feelings and its not fair to the new girl? I don't know how to do this where if the current girl and I don't work out I can then reach out again to the girl that moved away. I figure I would just look bad if once the current girl and I didn't work out I was hitting her up.

Part of me doesn't think I need to say anything until things get more serious with the current girl but I don't want it to bite me in the ass if she becomes upset knowing that the girl that moved away is someone I'm still in contact with.

Um so to update. The girl I started dating and I stopped crossing the friendship line about 4 months ago. We still see each other each week at volleyball and a few social gatherings but its not awkward. I kind of let things die out because I decided I wasn't really into it as much as I initially thought.

The girl that had moved away is actually moving back this week. We stopped talking after her last visit back in June but she then reached out to me to tell me she was coming back


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What Girls Said 1

  • Idk. Your going to have to make the choice. Either way if your interested in this new girl you need to tell the girl that moved away the truth. you might lose her for good, but at least your giving her an ending and a reason why your not talking with her anymore. My best guy friend left me hanging for some girl that was in his state. We were both long distance and he never told me how serious he was with her and just one day wasn't there anymore. It really messed me up. I didn't really understand and was pretty hurt being left behind. I missed him and was waiting to hear from him again. He was with some other girl and wasn't planning to ever talk to me again, becasue he thought, "the new girl wouldn't like it". Its better to let the girl that moved go and tell her the truth than to be selfish and hold on to her just because you want to keep your options open.

    • Oh and honestly, letting her know that you have feelings for her and that's the reason your cutting ties, so that you can give the person that's closer as chance might make her feel a little better than to think you never cared at all.

    • This has all played out to a degree by now. See the update above. I'm not sure where things will go with the girl that is coming back but I hope its positive.

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