Am I expecting too much too soon?

I don't want to overreact but this is pretty tough. I've become very close to a man I have been friends with. He is becomingly increasingly distant & warns me that he becomes "breezy" at times.

Last Monday, sitting in my living room we were cuddled up close, for the first time ever. Talked for over two hours about our relationship & he told me that he loved me! I asked him if he was sure, a couple times. I wanted to be certain.

He replied with he wouldn't keep walking over to my office bldg to visit me, talking about baby names & making plans for a life together although hypothetical at this point is he wasn't sure.

I was elated! He is currently very busy with work, working weekends which I knew would be good considering the fact that he has a lot on his mind and his live in mom (pseudo wife) has been stressing him out greatly.

He is supposed to be off a few days in a row during the week but he has been going in which I knew would burn him out. However when he leaves work during the week he finds time to be with his mother & not me. I like his mother but he is the one saying she has to go because she won't allow him to have a relationship with me.

I feel like I am being placed on the back burner. Expected to hold on and wait for any scrap of time he can offer me while his mother gets the majority. I also work full time, a demanding job, I understand what work obligations are.

Today he did text me for almost 2 min after he'd been at work almost 11 hours. ;(

He also text me after I'd sent him a text asking that if he weren't too tired or busy that I'd really like to see him. (haven't seen him since Monday night) when he said I love you. He hasn't said it anymore either:(

At 7:30 he responded via text that he;d just got home, exhausted & had to wake up at 5. The next morning. I didn't hear back from him so I text, try to get some rest...he responded U2, good night zzz

I instinctively went on FB & saw where he had responded to a picture posted by a girl he used to know- it have a feeling he has emailed her on FB tonight. ..

I have been hurt before. I don't want to distrust him & I believe he is an honest Godly guy but am I asking too much to expect him to spend time with me after saying he loves me, despite the schedule.


I couldn't wait to discuss my feelings so last night when my boyfriend informed me although last Monday night was wonderful he was having second thoughts about us . Having flash backs about his failed marriage (6 years ago) & he realized he was not ready for a relationship but he was sorry. I just told him thanks & goodbye on the phone but text message my feelings to him. All After he'd sat on my sofa cuddled up in front of our kids as they played making plans with me for a wedding this summer. So Hurt,.
I did not go easy on him. I told him that I didn't trust him, that although he often claims to be in spiritual warfare the war he is fighting is with people in his life who are blocking him from his happiness. I told him that I had trusted him but if you can't trust a Godly man who can you trust? Perhaps only God. I tried to sympathize with him but after months of getting close to me and discussing having a baby, asking me if I my age & then pulling away we'd been here before.


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What Girls Said 2

  • Uh, run.

    You're going to be competing with his mom for everything. If a guy is going to let his mom control him that much, he has some serious issues to work out. If he's around the same age as you are, REALLY run. Guys shouldn't be letting their moms run that much of their life at that age. When I initially read this, I was picturing early 20s because that's sort of a transition period of sorts.

    But if he's in his late 30s, early 40s, what the hell? That is really not healthy and it will NOT make for a good relationship at all.

    • He is a rather mature 30, most of the time:)-I'm 40 & I've mentioned our age difference often but he claims not to care , that I'm the woman that God led him to be in a relationship with, but I do see what you mean. He told me that he feels like his mother has him backed into a corner so I suggested we find her a place of her own. I do not want him to look back & say that I forced him to have his mother move out. I'm trying to be considerate of her needs. I believe he loves me. I love him too..

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    • Its been 2 wks since he changed his mind. I've not heard from him or contacted him. Until tonight it really didn't occur to me how much I missed him but we had become best friends! He said he'd begun to feel uncomfortable & wanted to tell me now..I feel like that's a cop out since its the 2nd time he's done it. Then he added Focus on God he will return soon. (which I believe) .I replied with in the meanwhile ask God to strengthen your divided heart! he replied we could be friends.I said not much more!

    • Dude has issues. You can do better. Don't get too caught up on someone who can only help themselves.

  • Hmmm, well that's hard. Very hard in fact. He seems to really love you and visa versa. Work seems to be a major obstacle in this, though that can't be helped, as well as his mother. But, if you truly believe with everything you have that he is an honest man, but feel like he isn' t making enough time for you, be honest with him. Tell him. He may feel like you're expecting too much too soon, but explain to him that all you want is a little time just you and him.

    • Thank you. I will try to be a little more flexible considering work and his current taskings. I really would love a little more time with him, especially when he seems to find the time to spend with his mother when he's off. .. I really do believe he loves me.

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    • Thank You so much again . I will speak with him about this. I know he has a lot of pressure on him but if we are to have a future we've got to get tough with his mom.

    • You're so welcome! Good Luck!