I recently found out that my boyfriend has been lying to me. It is nothing too major but he still broke my trust. I'm ready to calmly discuss the matter with him, or at least let him know that I'm upset. We don't see each other very often so would it be okay to text him, "I want you to know that I am still upset with you for lying to me"?
I know texting isn't the best way to communicate but would it be acceptable in this situation?
Also, I do not think further details are too important but you can find them in my previous question if you so desire. Here is the link:
Most Helpful Girl
You're right about confronting him. Studies show that people who are let off easy tend to make the same mistake again... and again... and again...
He needs to be aware that you are still upset. For one, this is a point that should be made early on - there are some things that you will not tolerate. His dishonesty, no matter how seemingly trivial now, is still wrong. There should be no mistake about that on anyone's part. Second, it isn't good when you're still upset and he isn't aware until something snaps.
You still need to avoid stepping on his toes. I'm not saying that you should walk on eggshells, but if you want to find a happy solution, you'll need to have some courtesy.
I recommend that you tell him you are still upset, but don't say it in a way that will make him feel like he's being attacked. Instead of, "I want you to know that I am still upset with you for lying to me," you might choose something more like, "I want you to know that I am still upset that you were not up-front with me about when you were going to bed and why you wanted me to go home." Being specific is key. Don't give him a chance to misunderstand you. You may want to talk about it further. If so, arrange a time and a place to talk in person rather than carry out this discussion through text messages only.
I've lost count of how many times simply talking in person has averted a possible argument in my relationship, and it comes down to the fact that you can't read and convey as much over the phone as you can face-to-face.1
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