Being overweight: shallow or realistic?

It's not meant to stir a controversy but I got a little curious...

I've come across tons of post about a guy (usually) or a girl trying to date. It's usually along the lines of "I'm a sweet [personal gender] , with a [(positive)/(large quantity) adjective] personality. I'm good to [the opposite gender], but I can never get a date". I usually think to myself , "Well, you sound nice -what's the problem?"

Reading down a bit more they describe (or show) their physical attributes. It's usually because they're overweight that holds them back from dating said guy/girl (really skinny people are as equally unattractive, but this is a topic about being overweight). Then readers will accuse the person who turned down the author as shallow and that most girls/guys would date them because of their personality. Personality is nice and all, but it's not a quality that's strictly designated to people who are overweight.

I mean, we all know the basics of most mating rituals. Basically, the male (or female) who displays the best traits wins because the other sex finds this trait as a fit quality to pass on the next offspring. Our society is more likely to show empathy, but being overweight is something I doubt most people want to pass to their offspring. Sexual selection is practical.

So my question to you is, is it really shallow or do people need to start being realist about their mating limits?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you have a valid point, Without sounding sexist, but it seems more common for females then males to try to sugar coat their weight.

    For example : BBW ( Big beautiful Woman), "More to love", "bundles of love",etc.

    In the end, Even Nature's Law of the jungle on Survival of the fittest can also be applied to the dating world. The guy/girl who has the most appealing traits , Physically and Personality wise, Wins. NO one wants to admit it, but its a fact, In the end, you have try to better yourself or you will be swamped over by other people who are your competition at the same time.

    IF your overweight, You better invest in a gym membership or a treadmill or a bike, because unfortunately your technically at the bottom of the barrel in the dating world. I used to be overweight, so I understand then most people. IF your like 20 lbs overweight, Your fine, but if your 50 lbs and above, not many people will approach you. Its sad but true, I'm just being a realist.

    People need to be more realistic, but we are humans, very self conscious about things we are insecure about which is fine, but to be completely blind to what's a fact is almost borderline insane.

    Thats like me walking around screaming out "The south will rise again!" While if that happened it won't spell too much good news for me.

    • Lol.

      That is true, women do sugar coat their weight a lot. It is getting to the point where it's borderline "diabetic love".

    • Lol@diabetic love, I might borrow that one day for a joke.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Overweight people can find partners. However if they become normal weight,the number of people who will be interested in them will increase dramatically. That radically increases the likelihood of them finding someone they find both attractive and compatible who wants them back.

  • I don't think of it as shallow, because that would imply I'm only taking her looks into consideration. I need a well rounded partner, so it's equal parts looks/personality simply because I believe I deserve someone that awesome. Most of those overweight people complaining about people not being attracted them are usually weak anyway, feel like "victims" if they have no options but to be fat. I used to be big myself and the solution was simple-quit eating and I became attractive and popular.

  • Lose weight and its okay


What Girls Said 4

  • Is it shallow? I suppose technically it is. But everyone is shallow, and I think it's perfectly acceptable to be shallow when you're able to give back the things you desire in a mate. I don't find anything wrong with fit people wanting to date other fit people. I in fact find overweight people who only want fit people to be MORE shallow. They're not asking for equality, they're demanding the best but wanting those people to look beyond their flaws.

    They don't have to be realistic if they don't want to, but I think it would help them in the long run if they did. Either date people like you, or improve yourself to get the people you want. Sounds pretty simple to me. But in the end, even if they choose to call people shallow for wanting the exact same things they want, it only hurts them. That's why they're on this site complaining in the first place, because no one will accept their shallow standards that they're unable to give back in return. I mean come on, if was only about personality, why aren't they dating an overweight person with a nice personality right now?

  • To an extent, I would argue most people are shallow and unrealistic when it comes to dating.

    It is important to be "realistic" but that doesn't mean you should just settle for whoever comes your way, it just means you should stop chasing Christina Aguilera's ass because you're not going to get it :p lol

    To be totally honest, I tend to like guys who are overweight. Not like... morbidly obese, but I love chubby guys; I don't know that being overweight is the only thing holding them back from dating. I know for a fact I'm not the only chubby chaser lol. not taking care of yourself (bad hair/teeth/clothes), and also having low self esteem or a sh*tty personality could be that last straw on the camel's back that would make it more difficult to find a date. But I get your general point :p

    • I wish more girls had your preference. I'm by no means fat but I do have an extra few pounds (I'm about 210lbs). I'm what you might call "thick". I see so many girls that go for these guys who wear jeans so tight I couldn't get them around my thigh let alone waist.

  • You say that yet In Ancient Greece the body ideal was an overweight woman. What's you find attractive is basically almost mental now.
    I honestly think the human mind isn't nearly as primitive as we believe

  • In my opinion, you're thinking too primitive/practical. No offence. I like your question.

    Normally you don't think about "argh... i don't want my future child to look like this".