He slept with other girls after 2 day we decided to have a break

Me and my ex had dated for nearly two years. The first year of the relationship was amazing. The second half didn't go well. His life was not full of fun and crazy things anymore. We lived together and he said he didn't had enough freedom to do crazy things with his friends. The recent 6 months, we had many fights on little things. I guess he is emotionally drained. We also have other issues like: religion, marriage: I want to get married before 30 years old and he doesn't want that (we were 27 now). He may go back to Netherlands in one year.

Then slowly he went cold off. Said he needed space to see if he still loved me. I moved out of his place. one week of no contact, then I met him by chance in the park. He said he was nervous when he saw me. He showed me a lot of care and attention.

Then we talked and decided to break up for now. He cried a lot and hugged me tight. We said let cancel the second year and let restart the new journey after the break.

But 2 days later, I went to his place to get my shoes, I found out he slept with another girl in our bed.

I told him to break up forever. He agreed. But I deeply hurt. I love him and want to fix our relationship. At the same time, I can not accept that he sleep with other girls so fast. Until now, he is still sleeping with that girl in our room.

What should I do? Please give me advice. Thanks

We accidentally met up again and he showered me with a lot of attention. He looked at me all the time. A few days ago he texted me saying he was happy to see me again. I didn't text back. The he texted me again telling me he misses me and want to talk. We are going to meet for dinner soon. I still have feelings for him. How should I appear at this time? Please give me advice. Thanks


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds very much like you are at different stages in life, where you're looking for and expecting different things out of a relationship. IMO this is the underlying source of a lot of relationship problems people have, especially in their mid- to late-20s.

    There's not a whole lot to do about this usually. You can wait for him and get yourself hurt in the meantime as he carries on "having fun" that includes dating and sex with other women, or you can choose to move on with your own life and look for a partner who is looking for the same things in a relationship as yourself. Perhaps down the road your lives will meet and he will have decided that he wants the things you want, but for most people these years are too precious to just "throw away" hoping for something that may never happen.

    Only he knows what he was doing behind your back, if it was in fact anything, but he did do the right thing IMO by sharing his feelings with you about your relationship, even if you didn't like the words he had to say. That takes a lot more courage and respect for you than to hide it from you while trying to make himself happy. I know that's little solace, but I think many women who have found themselves in your situation would have rather their man come out and say what yours did than take the more destructive path many often take.

    • You are right, we are in different stages in life. I'm trying to get over it and move on. But, for me he was the best guy I have met (based on the memory of our first year). it's hard to quit the hope of getting back to him.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • He doesn't want to get married. He doesn't want to settle down permanently that way.

    No matter how hard you try, he won't change his mind.

    The breakup is for the best. You're better off dating guys who are interested in a wife. Since that's what you want as well.

    The other girl is a rebounder.

    • Thank you very much. I'm amazed how quick I got the answers.

  • Well you told him the right thing, now you have to move on.

    A break as in "let's take time to think about the relationship" is OK. But a break as in "let's take time to have sex left and right as soon as the break has started" isn't. To me (but some people have different opinions), that's cheating.

    • You spot on this point "let's take time to have sex left and right as soon as the break has started". We lived in a flatshare where other people have random sex every night. I guess he wanted to do the same but he couldn't before our breakup.

    • In my experience "break" has always meant "break up and never talk again". So I stopped waiting for other people to come back. But that doesn't mean it always has to be that way. But very often it is.

    • I think he didn't have the balls to break up with you, but he acted like a complete douche. You should keep this in mind before thinking about your "wonderful first year" and torturing yourself more.

What Girls Said 2

  • You just broke up, and its a pretty unbearable time right now. You just lost someone from your life and its really hard to accept. There are going to be days when you think calling him and trying to work things out will make everything go away... but from what it sounds like, you were right to break up with him. The best advice I can give is to surround yourself with good friends who you can talk through it with and resist any urges you have to call him. Its going to be really hard, but in the long run you will feel much better.

  • Do NOT try to get back together with this guy. You can obviously do whatever you want, but do you really want to be with a guy like this? If he truly loved you, he would't disrespect and hurt you by sleeping with another girl right away. Maybe he's even been with her for a while now already. I think that as hard as it may be, you should leave him and find a guy who actually wants to be with you and ONLY you.

    • Thanks beautiful girl. I'm trying to get over it and move on. But, for me he was the best guy I have met (based on the memory of our first year). it's hard to quit the hope of getting back to him.