Is this girl trying to discourage me by letting me see her with a male friend a few days before our dinner date?

There's a girl I see every week at swing dancing, and I've been giving her and her female friend rides to another university on Mondays for more dancing. We've spent a fair amount of time together dancing, but always in a group. The other day (Thursday) I asked her if I could "buy [her] dinner" before salsa dancing that night. She said no, but suggested Sunday evening before swing instead. That evening she showed up a salsa with a guy who I didn't know but turns out to go to the same university as me. They didn't do anything or act in a way that made me think they were a couple, but the timing made me think maybe she was trying to discourage my advances. We danced a few times that night as we normally would. On the way out that night she said "see you Sunday" and might have winked. I'm afraid she might bring her female friend on Sunday and try to make our dinner a non-date. I specifically tried to be clear and make sure she understood it was a date when I asked her. I'm not afraid of rejection, I just want a yes or no answer so I don't waste time chasing something I can't have. Because I only asked her Thursday morning, she might have already had plans to hang out with that guy that Thursday night. So I have two questions:

Do you think she intentionally brought that guy in order to make me back off without having to plainly tell me?

How can I prevent her from bringing her female friend to dinner on Sunday before swing?

I'm leaning towards just straight up asking her, but I don't want to come across as insecure because I saw her with another guy. I also don't want to be a jerk to her friend because I'm friends with her as well, I just don't have a thing for her because she's already taken.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Whilst I can totally understand your concerns, I think you might be looking into things too much. I think that if she didn't want to go on a date with you she would have said "no" and not suggested another time.

    Wait until Sunday and see how it goes. I sincerely doubt she will bring anyone along. I can understand why you're confused but I don't think there is a problem. Don't ask, it might make her think you're a little paranoid and frighten her away.


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What Girls Said 3

  • Sounds to me like she already had plans with the other guy. If he was more than a friend, she probably would have gotten a little uncomfortable when you asked her out, and hopefully would not have said yes! She suggested an alternative day right away, which is a really good sign that she is probably into you somewhat. Most girls don't say yes to a date that they don't want, unless they're super nice and feel that saying yes is a lot easier than watching the disapointment on your face as she says no. I don't think she was trying to push you away by hanging out with the other guy. She may have been trying to create an element of competition over her, or trying to muster up some jealous feelings out of you. I would not straight up ask her about the guy, bad bad move, makes you look insecure instantly unless you have a reeeeeally good way with words. Let it go like it never happened, and just keep your eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary. As far as keeping the friend out of your date, ouch, that's a good one no help for you there . . .

  • As you said, they didn't act as a couple, so it's most likely just a good friend she's made plans with before hands.

    Since you already made clear it's a date just for the two of you, she should be able to get there by herself.

    - I wish you luck with everything! :)


    • A warm "hello" doesn't come from the lips

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  • She was probably trying to make you jelous. Girls like to make guys jelous


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