Girl gave me a straight answer why I was single a long time ago....echos in my mind

A long time ago I dated a young virgin girl in college for a while and later kind of split of with her. We made out plenty of times, but I didn't deflower mostly because I had strong religious beliefs at the time. I was friend zoned, but it was alright because she had a crazy personality and I didn't want to get involved with her anyway. However we did have some st8 up conversations later.

I ended up making a deal with her that I would give her personal training in exchange for her cleaning my apartment. The deal worked pretty good. One day I was helping her stretch after a session and I asked her straight up "hey krysta why am I single". She responded with the false cheerfulness "well you are really busy and picky with girls and so forth..." and then I quickly butted in "DON'T SUGARCOAT IT". She responded "YOUR WEIRD and you don't even realize it".

I was 22 year old kid back then (30 now) and over the past few years I have a few girls here and there but absolutely nothing meaningful. I'm successful in almost all other aspects of life. I'm educated, healthy and financially secure. I've done fitness modeling (I'm not cocky) and competed professionally mixed martial arts. However in the girl dept...well that's not going the way I want.

I know it all comes down to my personality. I even have a female coworker say "you look like an a**hole and you act to serious" when I told her about myself getting in a bar altercation last weekend.

The thing is, I genetically have a introverted personality and I HATE IT. It takes me a lot of extra guts and effort to put myself in social situations. My mother has this issue and her father was the same way. The difference is my mother was a beautiful woman all her life. For her, personality is almost a non issue. For single men, different story.

I am on anti depressants (started about 2 years ago). In the beginning they helped big time...made me much more outgoing. However I'm plateauing to my old self again. I recently got rejected by two other women.

Is there anything I can do to change my personality?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You can't change your personality, but here is an easy trick: smile more

    I know, sounds stupid. But that works with people. I am shy and introverted myself. And I had to make an effort to be more "outgoing". Even though I wasn't exactly sure what that meant. You don't have to be cheerful and dance on the table or crack jokes all the time. But having a positive attitude makes a big difference. Also: I bet you stand in a bar with folded arms. Stop that. No one will approach someone with folded arms and a serious face. That just says "stay away". Same goes for staring at your shoes or standing facing the bar (as opposed to open yourself up to the room).

    Try it.

    • it's hard to have a depressive thought when you are grinnin :)

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • Its hard to change who you are inside or who you think you are. I used to be ackwardly shy and felt like I couldn't get a guy because I was not attractive enough to get a guy to be interested in me. What I didd was to find the value in myself. You should do the same. Find the value in you. Are you a good guy who would love a girl without cheating? If so you have value. The second thing is faking it til you make it. That's what I had to do. I used to pretend to be confident by standing straighter looking people in the eyes more even when I wanted to turn away and what I found out is that people don't automatically want you to fail just like girls don't automatically want to reject you. Some times girls reject a guy because she thinks he is way out of her league,sometimes its his ackward approach. To practice your approach just try saying hello to any girl. Firstly try with the girls you think that are what you wouldn't really date. That way if she rejects you,you won't feel bad because she wasn't closeto your league. I don't suggwst you lead them on just chat them up as friends and this will help you be more comfortable around the females. It never gets that much easier but it won't be as frightening with practice

  • We can't change our personalities, and I've been rejected too...many times! sometimes I think I'm doing something wrong and always blame myself if something doesn't work with a guy I'm dating.

    Guys feel attracted to me for my physical aspect but sometimes that's no enough.

    The problem is: I can't be someone I'm not and sometimes I tease too much to people but some don't get how I am, many people may find it immature maybe, I really tried to change but I don't feel happy been someone else, makes me feel sad, a guy called me someday WEIRD too...I don't think I'm weird, that's really bad. If someone loves you or likes you, has to accept the way you are.

    Never change for anyone.

  • This is true for many guys. Its hard to change your personality though. And I see that it can be different for guys and girls but I am the same way. I feel you though. They say that girls get married much younger when they are shy, and introverted guys get married later. That doesn't apply me lol...but I can see that. Add me so we can chat.

  • I am the same way. People try to tell you how to do things differently or be more open, but we can't change our personalites. Sometimes though it does help if we see a counselor to help us organize our thoughts and goals.

    • it's worse for guys. It's up to use to approach women. I'm trying to man up and not complain...but it's the truth

What Guys Said 1

  • No, you can't change your personality, and you shouldn't try. You can change certain aspects of your behavior, but first you must understand that you're only talking about feedback from two women. They don't dig you; so what? One thinks you're weird; another one thinks you're an a-hole. That's fine; they're entitled to their opinions. I've been called both of those things by women as well, and you know what? I still manage to find women who are interested in me. Dating is full of rejection if you're a guy; that's just how it goes. You don't give up; you just move on.

    Having said that, if you're having issues with your medication that make you feel like you're not quite functional as a human, you shouldn't be dating; you should be seeking professional help and taking care of yourself.

    • I'm always open to advice from experience men. I have had issues with depression since I was a teenager, however being raised in a traditional family I was taught to deal with it. After frustrations with not only dating, but just people, communications and confrontation in general I finally threw in the towel. For a while it worked.

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