Why is my boyfriend like this? Guys I need some perspective!

My boyfriend is what you would call cheap. I realize that guys fear gold diggers, and I am not a gold digger. But I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half now, and the only present I have gotten from my boyfriend has been the Christmas present he got me last year. And I had to pretty much make a big deal and tell him I was getting him a Christmas present and give him his present before he would even think of getting me anything.

I know this is sensitive territory for many guys. But I treat my boyfriend to movies and dinners all the time. And I work my butt off cooking for him all the time. He never cooks for me and rarely takes me out. And I was a student, so any time we enet out it came out of my grocery budget. So a lot of times I went without so that we could go out.

The other day I told my boyfriend it would be nice for him to make me pancakes. I really would like him to do something special for me once, because I always cook for him. And he has never made me breakfast and I surprise him in bed with breakfast on a regular basis.

He told me that "The mix is in the bag, all you have to do is add water and eggs". Umm thanks, is all I could think. Like I make him food all the time and he won't even repay the favour :(

He has never gotten me flowers, or even held a door open for me :( Or made me food!

Basically what I am saying is, I feel like I am carrying my weight in the relationship and then some. Why can't he start doing some more romantic things and start to appreciate me more?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey! Your man sounds like one of my friends! Nice guy but a bit on the lazy and unappreciative side and takes the relationship for granted. You're doing everything for him and but he's not doing anything for you! It takes two to tango! Guys like these selfish and aren't relationship material. It took his Girlfriend 8 years to SLOWLY change him and make him learn to be more appreciative. IMO, that took much time and effort and now they're stuck with each other.

    I know you said you've been in a relationship with him for 1.5 years but ask yourself this: is this what you really want in a boyfriend? Do you want to carry all the weight in the relationship? Is he capable of changing for the better? Be honest with him and let him know that you feel or you WILL leave him. He needs a reality check and if he doesn't realize it or change for the better, then leave him because someone else out there will appreciate all the things you do.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • You're complicating this more than you need to. The simple truth of it is that it has little to nothing to do with gold digging, and everything to do with these three facts. You're boyfriend is an asshole, your boyfriend is cheap, and finally, your boyfriend is not going to change. He's cheap because he's all about him. He's selfish and doesn't want to spend money, time or effort on anyone but himself, and this is obvious.

    This is just how it is, because he's a fucking cheap, selfish, brokedick, asshole, plain and simple. If you have any delusions that this will change, that you can change this, that you can fix this, or do anything about it, drop them now. There is nothing that can be done. All that's left to do here is either accept him for what he is (not recommended), or dump the shithead (recommended) and find a guy who will treat you right. Because, frankly, you can do better, and you should do better. This guy doesn't sound like he's worth your time or money.

    • He always makes time on the weekend to see me. But during the week, he just ignores me. I know he works, but I would like him to talk to me or at least send a text message once every couple or days. He's not entirely terrible, I am just upset that he seems to not seem to be as engaged as he should be.

    • Ha ha ha! Well put man! Dead on!

    • Yeah, I hear you. But the cold, hard, fact of the matter is, you're not that important to him.

  • He's either a d***, or he's inept when it comes to dating a girls. My sister dated a guy for 3 years who was the nicest guy and respected her completely, but he was so inept when it came to girls. He just was a deer I headlights when it came to relationships. He never bought her stuff, never took her out to dinner, never cooked for her, etc. She soon got sick of it and just lost the spark with him because he just didn't know how to be suave. I will say this though, you now know what many men feel like in their relationships. Most girls are not like you and only do what your Boyfriend is doing. They just take take take and exploit the fact that its the man's job traditionally to please the woman and make sure she is happy, not the other way around.

    • Well it's still not right. I don't know how to bring this up. I have a hard time because I love him so much, I don't want to hurt him. But I really want him to get over this whole "I'm a man, I don't cook" or just neglecting me to seem macho. He used to do romantic things before being hurt by an ex girlfriend :S How do I get him to realize she was dumb for treating him that way and not to neglect me because of it?

    • Be brutally honest with him. Don't give him some female spin of the situation like, "you must not love me anymore", just tell him that it would make you happy if he did things like took you out or cooked for you. Reiterate that its not about the money either. Reassure him that he won't look clingy or like a wimp by doing that stuff and that he doesn't have to do it constantly. Give a chance to take what your saying to hard, and give him time to make the change, it could take some time.

    • Thank you! I am planning on telling him this exactly!

  • unfortunately it sounds like he is holding on to you until something better comes along.

    your a place holder. not a person he loves or values. He is using you but sprinkling it with nice conversations and coming over ever weekend. He is putting in enough effort to NOT lose you. but deep down and (he probably won't ever admit this). He doesn't truly love you.

    He is just waiting until he can get flashier girl. He is swallow. Dosen't care for relationships. Mark my words. He will dump or cheat on you the second another girl/s shows interest in him. Dump him now to show your worth and prove to yourself you deserve better.

  • He's either stupid...doesn't know any better..or is just a taker. As long as he gets sex...he's a happy camper. Why in the heck have you been with this guy so long? He clearly has no respect...no manners...and is in no way, shape or form...a Giver! You sound like a really good giving girl. You need to get away form this fool ASAP. I think the bigger question is not why he's a total moron..but why your're still with...and or love a guy like you've described. The things you wan't him to do for you...are easy...and should come naturally...you're not asking too much. Here's the bad...bad news. You can't change him...you can't make him do things for you...and by Gosh you shouldn't tell him what you want because this guy is so far in left field...he's unreachable.. You need to END it today..and LEAVE his butt! He's making the rest of us look bad!

    • You will be wasting your time trying to tell him anything..You can't talk to an MORON about this stuff! You would be better off...talking to a tree. Do you wear a shirt that says I'm with Stupid?

    • He is actually a really nice guy, good to talk to except for the things in this relationship. He has no problem driving to come see me, and I felt a connection to him. But recently he has started to really pull away. I'm not sure what is going on. But he won't tell me. During the beginning he told me he didn't want a girl to use him. So I did my best to prove that. Now I am stuck feeling like this :S

    • Your not stuck...you can leave. You seem way to smart to stay. Deserve much much more.

  • I agree with kholland65 ... this guy kinda sounds like a jerk.

    But - it is possible that he is entirely clueless, or getting the wrong relationship advice.

    If you haven't already, you can try talking to him about it. If you have talked to him about it, you can try having a close friend of his talk to him about it.

    If the issue is still unresolved, and it is important to you - he's probably not the right person for you.

    • Like I said to Kholland65, he has been hurt by an ex. One day I tried to do chocolate with strawberries, and it didn't work out...long story short he suggested nutella, told me he used to do that all the time for ex gfs. And I asked him why he has never done it for me. He said that he doesn't care anymore :S Like WTF, it makes me feel like a piece of dirt :( And I have been really good to him!

    • Show All
    • I have no idea how long ago the relationship was. I tried to get him to explain to me, but he wouldn't. He never did romantic things for me, unfortunately :(

    • Be careful that he's just using you as a rebound then...

What Girls Said 3

  • Ok why don't you read what you just wrote and then go away and evaluate your life decisions about this guy. Why are you even with him. What is it about him that you like? Just because he is a nice bloke? Pffffft. A rapist is nice too at first. ALL BLOKES ARE NICE AND ALL BLOKES ARE GOOD TO TALK TO. I am sorry but I reckon you are a little desperate for staying with him and you don't have much standards.

    On a happier note, I reckon you deserve much better and this guy needs to live in a sewer.

  • Dump him he's a cheap broke loser you deserve better girl. I don't understand how men like that even have girlfriends.

  • He doesn't value you much and you make things too easy for him. WTF are you treating this dude to everything, cooking for him and doing all this sh*t for a guy who barely takes you out and doesn't spend money on you? Guys fear gold diggers? Shit more like some guys fear appreciating the woman they're with because they want an easy ride. That's what you're doing, giving this guy anything he can ask for. You're being a doormat. You should dump him and find a better guy. He has never done romantic things because he didn't have to do that to get you. You werent the kind of girl he had to stay on his toes to impress. and now that he's gotten comfortable in the relationship, he's getting worse because he thinks you won't leave anyway.

    Start showing your displeasure. Stop cooking and treating him to places. And start looking for a new boyfriend. Next guy you get, don't be so easy for him. (Not easy as in SEXUALLY, but easy as in doing everything for him w/o getting anything in return)