How do you ask someone to be exclusively "talking" to you?

So I met this guy on a dating site about a month ago and we hung out we totally clicked and I really like him, we hung out first on a Sat (first date) then Sunday second date (which led to sex), we text almost everyday and last week I spent the night at his house and it was perfect (other than the sex) he held me the whole night, he held my hand almost the whole night except when I rolled over lol it was so amazing. Then he took me out to lunch and I invited him to my house to meet my mom (she loved him). I like him so much, anyways he left and went out of the country for a week and he will be back Wednesday night, and I don't know I'm scared, what if he found someone better than me (but I am trying to wear my confident girl face), or what if he doesn't text me when he comes back, or he can't hang out? I'm scared because it is so new and things always go so horribly for me and men and he is the first that has done a lot of stuff like held me after sex, and just kisses me and I see like fireworks lol. I am really trying to just enjoy the time we do spend because it could easily end. Anyways I want to discuss exclusivity, not dating (we aren't rushing into a relationship) but "talking" which is like a step from dating. I am not talking to anyone else, and part of me feels like he isn't either because he seems to like me, but I am really insecure and I just need to know (it is stressing me out), I don't know what to say, I am thinking about waiting a week or 2 just to give him time to be back and get adjusted, and maybe we can make some plans to hang out and stuff and then after that I would like to talk about it, but what do I say? I don't want to be overly like abrasive or clingy or overbearing you know?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Online dating is always hard because you are both putting yourselves out there, so either side can get distracted easily. I'm not a big fan of dating sites for this reason. But, you have had sex already a couple.times and done a family intro, so you are not out of line by any means. Everyone freaks out on the exclusive talk, but when you are having sex it is necessary. I don't want to be sleeping with someone who is also sleeping with multiple partners, and I assume they don't either.

    When he comes back, see if it falls into the same routine. If so, start the talk along health concern lines and find out if he is sleeping with other people. If you like him, see how he feels, and who knows, you may be on the same page. Its not clingy, it courtesy at that point.

    Good luck, and try not to over think it!

    • Ahh I'm so nervous! Do you think it is too soon? We have only been on 3 days (maybe 4 if you count that I spent the night on Friday to Saturday and we hung out Sat) I feel so afraid what if he says no he doesn't want to be exclusive?

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    • I do like him a lot, I am just nervous about the convo but I feel like he should be receptive, I mean we have talked about condom usage before and STDs so I don't think this is a big issue, but do you think that this talk will lead into the exclusive talk? Should I have that talk the same night? How long should I wait before I bring up the STD talk? I'm so nervous lol if you couldn't tell

    • Yes, you should have the talk the same night. At least set the expectation of sex with only one person. Then just ask are you sleeping with anyone else... Just let it flow. Don't be nervous. If you guys are having sex he open to doing what he needs to do to.continue that. Message me offline if you get stuck, and/or let me know how it goes!

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What Girls Said 2

  • Maybe he has already considered the two of you exclusive? That might be a good way to approach the subject by just asking if he considers the two of you exclusive.

  • Calm down girl! If he did all of that for you, he's definitely interested and I'm sure he feels as if you two are exclusive already, don't think too much into it and remember it's just a week. I'm pretty sure he's missing you already!