What is normal for a 2nd date?

I went on a date with a guy...it went well the first time. Yes it seems he's the typical horny idiot hoping to get laid or 'something' but I overlooked that--we had good conversation and it was interesting. He acted like he wanted a 'relationship' and asked me that too. We chatted on the phone a few times, then went on a 2nd date/meetup a day after that. We went to dinner and he suggested to go to my place to watch a movie..he suggested that at first too but I said well dinner first I guess. I wanted someone over at my place so I let him come. He tried to sit next to me...during the movie saying "we're sitting too far." most guys say this to me and try to 'cuddle' too fast...so I stopped letting guys come over- I let this guy come because he seemed like a potential real boyfriend, or so I thought. When he tried sitting next to me, it was odd and he was breathing heavy and creepy...i felt uncomfortable and just wanted to watch the movie. He tried putting his arm around me...and kept grabbing me and squeezing me really hard in a lame way. I didn't like what he was doing...and made it clear...I kind of turned away from him and I dint feel right with him getting so close on a 2nd meeting- esp when it was obvious I didn't want it. He kept asking me or saying "sweetie, sweetie- I just want to get close to you"..again lame. When he left...he called and asked me why I felt that way and that he's never been on a date with a girl who didn't want to hold hands...i said you didn't hold hands...you cuddled me awkwardly several times...and he kept rubbing his ugly nose in my shirt...awkwardly...not sexy or sensual or normal at all. Now I'm being critiqued for not being 'affectionate' enough when I expressed to him that I don't know him very well and don't feel comfortable getting affectionate so fast.. what is normal for a 2nd date? is it normal or OK for a girl to not be OK with this? I would think it is but it seems others think so oddly... I had a horrible awkward time and he didn't seem to respect my feelings...im definitely not going to change my morals or feelings based on the attitude of idiot males...but I feel its way too fast to 'cuddle' right away... what do people expect on a 2nd or 3rd date normally? and not guys but i mean what is normal?

he even tried comparing me to my ex situation saying "you'll talk to a psycho guy ont he phone- ie my ex, but you won't let a nice guy cuddle with you'...i said that has NOTHING to do with hwo I feel about getting intimate with strangers..i said if that's the case that means I'm going to cuddle every guy I go on dates with? I don't do that...that's ridiculous...he still didn't get it...is he trying to manipulate me or just make me feel bad or is he just stupid...


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know what's normal but it know that you did the right thing.

    If someone doesn't respect your feelings, you know right away that it's not the right one.

    It's not weird that you feel that way about a guy you barely know, wanting to cuddle and everything. It's not all guys who just want sex. It's just guys who want sex who try harder to get dates and eventually get good at it.

    Try finding one who's not trying to hard.

    Personality before looks and charms does really help.

    not to imply that you go by looks so no offence intended.

    and in a good date nothing is to be expected.

    in a good date you try to follow each others rythm and respect that you're different people.


    • yes this is true...abotu it all and the guys who go on dates for sex...it's really so pathetic the way they are...thanks...i didn't go by his looks I thought he was nice and we meshed but now I realize he's just a creep and weirdo... which sucks..but that's how most of them are...

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What Guys Said 4

  • You have an amazing view on how dates should go, and your attitude is rare, because your right to feel this way, why would anyone want to get intimate to early without getting to know that person pretty well anyway, so I salute your talents and I would say this guy is a sleeze, and if he thinks so little of you to espect you to put out or even do something your not comfortable with, then he's not worth your talents and not worth knowing, so keep your attitude in tact, because its a great one to have, and don't get involved with losers this guy has proved to be, good luck, you have talent, it won't go un noticed,x

    • hey thanks so much for the kind words...and I guess it is rare these days...for people to think that way-- to me this is normal but in today's bizarre dating things are different...and it is true he had no respcet for me...what a total loser...scumbag...i really can't stand people like him

  • He thinks dating = sex & everyone agrees, else why do it?

    SO he is forcing you into that mold, like it or not.

    Like it = he has sex

    Don't like it = he finds someone who does, not wasting any dates in this hunt

    Thought he was a potential Boyfriend = he is the better salesman than the others

    You bent your dating rules = shame on you, never again

    Beiieve your eyes, their actions, NOT your ears.

    • yes this is very true...i did think he's a good sales person-- he does do sales for a living ha but I do too but I could tell..he just thought he could nail it in the bag and I'd be with him...i thought he was a potential boyfriend from the first date...after the 2nd or during I had a different opinion... though he invited me out last night then today we made plans but he's blown me off...so I guess he's just going to go for whatever like most guys...total loser and jerk...nothing new...

  • No one knows what is normal for a second (or any other) date. Apparently, he thought it was normal whereas you did not. It all depends on the level of comfortableness that you have on that date, and on how well you know your date. However, to me it sounds like you don't find him physically attractive AT ALL. It also sounds like he's very desperate. If I was in his position and was shot down like that, I wouldn't want to touch you for the next 6 months or so, and I would have never talked about this ever again.

    Bottom line; you are both wasting your times.

    • well not true this has nothing to do with physical attractiveness...i like to take time and get to know someone and I definitely am not doing sexual things on the 2nd date... btu yeah he does seem desperate and weird...something about it just didn't seem right...

  • You're insane. A movie on a 2nd date. How old are you? 12? 2nd date is time for SEX.


    • OK well you're messed up...not much else to say about that...or another loser that people meet who just wants sex...bad advice to give to anyone...stay away from it...

    • tell me, what was the quickest score for you - ever in your life? After how many dates?

What Girls Said 1

  • Well everyone has what they want but honest you sound 12. Grow up second date dinner and movie? If you are looking gor a man don't watch a movie talk! Duh and you set your self up for that awkward moment.

    • we talkd while watching a movie adn have chatted many times on the phone...so I don't know what you're talking about...and if you think dates= sex...well you're just like those idiots out there...i don't think that way so you're the one who eneds to grow up and a get a brain...sex doesn't equal maturity it's pathetic... and that's just dumb advice to give anyone...youre probably oen of those 'skanks' who gets laid fast and gives guys the impression every woman is that way...

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    • this guy wasn't my boyfriend you stupid weird b*tch...it was a 2nd date... you need help because you can't comprehend a basic question...not putting out on the 2nd date doesn't make anyone a prude you are nuts...seek help skank

    • I didn't say date 2=sex but you sound like a prude to me. Sorry but a second date is more of a talking getting out having fun kinda thing for me. Yes I have put out on a second date as a matter of fact on a first date I have, not always. I just think you sound immature in you question