A mans need to explore more?

well after a year and a half of being together, I finally decided that we should break up ='(

He says he loves me but is not ready for the love that I want to have with him... He says he didn't want us to break up so soon but in light of the fact that he is unsure of what he wants we decided breaking up was best.

I guess I just need more clarity as to why guys, even with a good thing in front of them, would still have the urge to explore for more...? help

I decided not to contact him. However he seems to be texting me every other day. He's always friendly and also charming, using pet names he use to call me by. He even asked if we could have sex =/ I said no, due to the fact that I still have feelings for him. But I'm confused =(


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, I'm sorry this happened. Sadly, I see this happening more and more and more. What you can take some SMALL comfort in is that it's not just guys doing this to girls--it's happening the other way around, too. If you ask me, I think it actually happens MORE to guys than to girls.

    Why, though? I think it all boils down to pure GREED. Sure, there are MANY things that will factor into the mess, but at its core I think it's simple GREED. He has you, but maybe he thinks since he was able to get YOU, he will probably be able to get that NEXT, "BETTER" girl (HIS thoughts, not mine). Or, ESPECIALLY for guys, a girl has a guy who is just GREAT. But, she then meets one who is quite similar, but has a Gulfstream V jet, a Mercedes SLS, and a chalet in the Swiss Alps. Screw the "great guy" I already have, I want all THAT, TOO! See what I mean? It could also be that he's one of those that as soon as he gets you, the "chase" is gone, he's had his "conquest", and it's time for a new one.

    There is also a fear for many people that they may be "settling". They don't want to "settle" for anything but the very best. So, they stick with one person until they find somebody "better". They go for and often get, the "better" one. A short time later, he feels as if he may be "settling", again, for an "inferior product" and begins anew.

    There are just so many possibilities that it's really hard to say exactly what went on in your relationship. It's sad, I agree, and it probably hurts. But, in the end, believe me when I tell you this: THOSE kinds of guys ALWAYS come out the "loser". In ONE way girls have life by the bollocks--they can virtually sit back and basically PICK who they want. Guys, OTOH, have to make the pursuit and risk rejection. This is TRADITIONALLY the way it works and I know and realize that times are changing and girls have no problems with doing the pursuing--which is AWESOME. But, again, it's almost ALWAYS going to be the GUY who regrets doing what he did because in his effort to not "settle", he will come to realize, when it's too late, that he lost someone FANTASTIC and that he REALLY BLEW IT; while YOU have moved on and selected a guy that loves you and treats you well and you are really happy with. At least you can feel good about that--he WILL more than likely regret letting you "get away".


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What Guys Said 1

  • You're under 24. To commit and settle down at that age...scary and not good.

    You say you broke up with him...I guess you wanted him to marry you or something? That isn't something I'm planning on doing for a lonnnnng time. I'm no playboy, I don't really sleep around, but still, I don't want to enter the end stage of life quite yet, I want to live and be free a bit more first.

    I'd imagine most guys are the same. Settling down is for your late 20s at the earliest, not whilst you're still university age.

    • I told him that marriage was something that I wasn't thinking about just yet... breaking up with him was more towards his unsurity of anything happening between us. All I wanted was to be in a happy fun relationship where it kept moving foward. But I guess his mindframe never change and he was dead set that it had to end eventually... I decided that as much as I love him, his determination of it ending would only sour the relationship for me =(

What Girls Said 2

  • He's very young to commit and while you mean a lot to him, he feels he needs to be single to have the freedom he wishes to have right now. You could be the right type of girl, it's just the wrong time. He may not want to get married for another 10 years, that'd be an awfully long time to string you along. He's doing the right thing by ending the relationship. As long as he yearns to be free and experiencing life on his own terms, he can't love you completely and would probably end up resenting the relationship and maybe even you if he stayed.

  • Men and women both buy into the lie that the grass will always be greener on the other side...

    Such a same, really :-| what a a sad and empty existence they will lead... only going as deep as surface level and never truly exploring the depths and mysteries of another person.

    • Such a shame*

    • He's a young man, men like variety. It has nothing to do with his ability to 'truly explore the depths and mysteries of another person'.

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