My new girlfriend of 3 months who I stay with told me I have killed the passion.How do I get the passion back?

We've been dating for 4 months I moved in from another state left my job and yes it was rushed. We were very passionate touching etc. However over time the touching and cuddling have faded to a basically get it over with sex unless she's been drinking. Its hard to talk to my friends Because most of my buddies don't like to cuddle etc with there girlfriend. I do... She constantly tells me its not Because she doesn't love me but its Because she's not a warm and fuzzy type of girl. "We do live in the country on a farm." However I always think to myself it was like that in the beginning? S o why not now... She also says she sees me everyday and tells me to stop acting insecure. I hate the way I feel because I left everything. My house job life in Portland Oregon and moved to Olympia Washington found a new job and moved my whole life expecting what we had to continue. The other night she told me my constant "questioning and insecurities" have killed the passion. How do I get the passion back and better deal with her not being warm and fuzzy. Yet me being a MAN liking to cuddle etc.

Please Help ... Really Its hard to even talk to my friends about this. Thanks


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What Girls Said 1

  • Yiikes! You really uprooted yourself. It seems though that you didn't just uproot yourself for her. It seems that you needed a change in your life and she was the catalyst to help get it going.

    Now you are in a new town, where you can begin a new life. You can do just about anything you want. Perhaps you should find time (on your own or with a new friend/coworker what ever) to explore your new place (like try a new restaurant or cafe in various neighborhoods --join a gym or other interest group). Get out of her hair. Redevelop a sense of self confidence and inner peace/balance to your own life. She is not your life. Four months ago she was not your life. If this ended today, and in a few years or more you were lying on your death bed would this be the one thing you would regret or worry about?

    I once dated a guy three hours away from me. We both took turns to see each other. He eventually quit his job and moved in with me. Because he had kids and was divorced we had some things to work out. I convinced him to sell his car and go to Europe (without me) as he had been married so long and never did the things he wanted to. So, he did. We stayed together when he got back.

    Things did not work out, but in the end he moved on. He got a different job, a car, went back to school and got a degree and met someone else.

    OK> So I am going on and on and not answering your question. Many times when a woman says she has lost that passion and she starts telling a man to stop being so insecure, etc. it spells trouble. She sees you as a push-over and week.

    She obvioulsy liked you before and she is using that line of not being warm and fuzzy as an excuse. She needs to see you taking charge of your life and taking charge of her and your situation. Right now you live with HER. You need time away from her. Take a vacation, even if it's camping somewhere (without her). Find someone else to have a beer with. Stop living only for her and do it for you. She might come back around.

    • By the way, would you read my dilemma and answer my question. It is pretty long, so I don't think people want to read it. The link is below.


    • WOW ... THANK YOU ! Seriously I needed a womans point of view. Its like you been there all along. As I look back I am always doing for her etc. If its getting the yard together etc. On July 4th her bff even told me "if you don't put your foot down she's gonna drive you crazy." I still am tryingto figure that one out. But I think you nailed it down for me... She sees me as weak. And I'm a 280lb black man that plays semi pro football.Now I live on a farm in the country acting like I hv no heart

    • She brought you into her world, but how much are you compromising yourself? Try finding your world again and slowly bring her into it. See how she reacts. She will like the change and confidence in you. Taking charge is key. I like it when a man shows me he cares by doing things for me. So your aren't doing anything wrong there, but once a woman starts to feel the way she does, it is hard not to see those things as annoying (crazy isn't it). At least a break/vacation would do some good. :-)

What Guys Said 1

  • give her a creampie.

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