Hot and cold, or am I paranoid? How should I proceed?

A couple of months ago, more than 2 less than 4, met a great guy, to whom I refer as Mr. Bond. He and I seem to have bonded and sort of have a “seeing each other” type thing going, something like a romantic friendship. It is definitely not FWB, because a lot of times, we just hang out and nothing more but we have played sleep over too. I met his brother and his friends, best and casual, and he has met my friends likewise. Not too long a while ago we had a brief talk where he brought up the “I like you a lot but am not yet ready for commitment but let’s see where this goes ” to which I said “sounds good, I like you a lot too, but don’t expect me to wait around.” I don’t think he took that too seriously until he realized that whenever we hang out or go out, very high profile men gravitate towards me. I know, not too long ago when we were at an event a casual friend of mine was talking to me. Here Mr. Bond took an ego shot and asked a friend of mine whether he had anything to worry about. Though I do not tell him if I do go on a casual dates with anyone, being as how we are not admittedly exclusive, the understanding is that we can, nevertheless he gets very nervous at the sheer thought of other men approaching me. Lately, whenever we are together, he has begun to show relationship like signs: he goes out of his way to show his talent relics, brings me into his personal life style, and asks me to call text him when I get home. We even spent a lazy day doing nothing but watching cartoons in bed.

With ALL this, however, when we are not together (which is very often), he is aloof. He prefers texting over calling, and when he does text it is usually several days apart. When he does text me, it’s more of a “hey I miss you, lets meet up” thing, never a “how are you” thing. I know the phone works both ways but I am tired of being the communication initiator. The times that he did call were either because I told him to do so or because he drunk dialed me to confess how much he misses me, and how scared he is of me because of how much he likes me and blah blah blah blah (I take drunk dialing with a bag of salt, especially since he doesn’t remember doing so).

So what is the deal with this guy? Is he really interested in me and is truly testing the waters before exclusivity? Does he just like the chase and I happen to be a challenge? Is he a commitment phobe? Am I just being an over analyzing paranoid lady? Something else I should know? Input please.

Side notes of interest:

*We both are very public and social people, which is related to both our jobs.

*He found out about a casual date I went on (as a favor to a friend) with someone who is very famous and can possibly help his career and though he hid is well, I know his stomach churned – even though he knows nothing happened.

*Though his parents live in a faraway state, they know me on a first name basis though I have never spoken to them nor met them – and I found this out by accident.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well he does sound interested for sure, otherwise he wouldn't take so seriously the advances of other men. I'm hesitant to say that he's enjoying the benefits of being with you without officially being in a relationship, but it does sound like this typical "let's take it slow, but don't talk to other guys".

    Does he also go on casual dates? If not, perhaps this is what may be bothering him; here he is only talking with you, while you have many guys who could possibly bump him out of the picture. This would explain his recent actions, he's upping his game to make him stand out in your eyes.

    Regarding the contacting, if he's asking to meet up in person, this doesn't necessarily mean he is against talking on the phone, but rather he may just enjoy your company in person. Many guys are like this, preferring to use the phone to set up actual dates over using it as a good method of communication. I definitely agree that you shouldn't be the only one initiating, and it would certainly be nice of him to at least call and just chat, nothing wrong with that.

    So I wouldn't say he's a commitment phobe, but he does sound like he truly is interested, just with more personal interaction than over the phone. Hope this helped!


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