How can I get my boyfriend to open up to me?

we've been together for almost 2 years. He's been through a lot and is really stressed out these last few months. At times he has opened up to me, but now seems to be shutting down completely. I don't hear from him for 2-3 days in a row. When I try and talk to him about the issues he's dealing with he just says I'm fine babe, you worry too much about me. but then he does admit on numerous occasion he's not good at sharing his feelings or problems with others. He even told me this way back when we started dating that past girlfriend had an issue with how he can close off from them and the rest of the world at times. How can I get him to talk more openly with me?


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • In my opinion as this is something I do myself a lot as a guy, is to let him know that you know that something is going on and that you understand that he doesn't want to talk about it and that you are there for him if he feels like he wants to talk about it. By doing so, you are not increasing pressure on him to tell you anything by constantly asking him, which makes him less likely to want to talk to you.

    I personally hate it when I am asked repeatedly what is wrong and why I won't tell someone what is wrong when nothing is going on or when something is going on and I tell them I am fine. Leave it be, he will appreciate your concern and will come to you when he is ready to come to you. Just let him know that if it is something that you can address you are willing to do so at his request and when the time is right for him. Pressuring won't get you anywhere and will shut him off from you.


What Girls Said 1

  • At this point, I suggest you let him come to you. If you keep chasing him with questions (no matter how good your intentions) it might chase him off. Guys are notorious for being a pain when comes to getting them to open up. If it wasn't their idea, they aren't always super keen on it. There are plenty of reasons for that, but what really matters right now is that you show you can respect his need for space more than that ex girlfriend.

    If you still feel you must give him a nudge in the direction of sharing, simply let him know that if he ever needs to talk something out, you're there to listen or whatever he needs. Then leave it up to him to bring it up with you. It saves him aggravation that may make him turn away even more.

    Find other things to talk about in the meantime. Don't be afraid to speak up and say, "Hey, we don't have to discuss your problems, but I would appreciate hearing from you more often." The ball is in his court there. If he comes through, then it's your turn to do something for him. That something is steering clear of the issues topic until he brings it up.

    You can't make him share, but you can encourage it by leaving it up to him.