Have you ever felt like you were in a placeholder relationship?

Ok. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months, except that lately I've been feeling like he only sees me as 'girlfriend'.

I work really hard at being an individual. Its something I take real pride in... So I'm worried I'm over thinking things. Or turning into any other cliche girlfriend.

Except that he's not just not listening to me. He's talking for me. He's having conversations with himself using "Oh you totally would have said..." And then never waits for me to answer, to see if I did or didn't. Sometimes he's right, but that's not my point!

I worry he's not interested in me anymore... just "girlfriend".

I don't know. On the other hand, he is really sweet to "girlfriend". He's warm, and tells her she's beautiful, and never wanders around flirting with other girls. He's fulfilling "boyfriend" really well, but I don't want to play house.

Has anyone else been here? What do you do? What do you say?


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What Girls Said 2

  • it seems like you have a major communication problem here. And what I mean is, it doesn't seem like there's a real fit. It seems bland, like you guys are just going through the motions. You say that you "work really hard at being an individual" which I find is an odd statement. Because, people who are really unique--their own person--they don't "work hard at" these sorts of things--they just are who they are.

    Is it possible you have maybe some issues with feeling invisible, bland or unimportant? could it be that somewhere in your family or some early time in your life, you were kind of overlooked or unappreciated in some way that made you feel invisible or unnecessary? Usually, if we don't tackle certain issues in our life, we are doomed to repeat them. We meet people who treat us in the same way that we feel about ourselves and pretty soon, we become self fulfilling prophecy.

    Do you know who you really are? Because its difficult to ask someone to recognize who you are if you can't.

    Good luck!

  • Hmm. So he's talking for you? What else is he doing? I need more info.

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