She won't leave him!!!

Okay I am at my limit, what is with some girls? You are with a crappy guy but because you love him you just can't say no!

My friend is in a bad relationship he puts her down and he hangs out with his "ex" friend with benefits even though he said he wouldn't, on one occasion when they were fighting he slept with another girl.

And I'm the guy who she turns to, I am her shoulder to cry on. She has left many times but each time goes back the ex friends with benefits was the latest in a long line of fights that ended with her leaving. And she says she wants to leave that leaving is best, then right as I am about to pass out my phone rings with her calling me telling me she went back to him!

I am at me end here I am out of supportive things to say, and I am honestly tired of being woken up by her calling to cry on my shoulder. I don't get why she won't leave, she doesn't get why she won't leave.

I honestly don't care anymore, I know I can just tell her not to call or put my phone on silent but I am not that person, if I know someone it hurting I have a stupid desire to help.


Most Helpful Guy

  • She'll never leave him, and she'll never listen to sense. You've just got to accept it. I've been in your situation, the boyfriend wasn't nearly as bad but I was filling in for the role of boyfriend where it actually counted - pretty much what you're doing. The only way things will be over between those two is when he ends it, and even then he'll probably keep rearing his ugly head and screwing her over when he feels like it.

    She's insecure and terrified of being single, like just having a boyfriend is enough to validate her existence, and I'm guessing she's never been single for any prolonged period. She wants to love him, and hopes that by showing him her love he'll eventually come around (like most girls that date scumbags).

    There's a few things you're going to have to tell her:

    You can't keep telling her the same thing every time they fight if she's just going to ignore it

    You can't keep filling in for her boyfriend. If she can't talk to her boyfriend about anything and everything, she ought to realize that something is seriously wrong.

    You can't carry on watching her do this to herself.

    She deserves better. I know you've already told her this, but she needs to believe it and start acting like it.

    Sorry dude, its not going to be easy or pleasant.

    • I dislike not helping people when I have the chance, but I think if I stop being there for her and being the person she confides in she will finally realize and maybe even finally stop trying so hard in the relationship that isn't working

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What Girls Said 1

  • Hi there, you sound like a great friend which makes it more difficult and hurt you more to see your friend hurt. Believe me I know how this feels. I suggest that you if you have not already done so that you should tell your friend how you feel about this relationship. regardless of how this conversation ends, whether she agrees or not, this is your LAST conversation about this relationship. From then on you are the friend that listens. Most people already know when they are doing something that they should not be doing. There are people who can learn from other peoples mistakes and people who have to do it and fall and learn on their own, there are people who can take advice and there are people who think they know best. To be a good friend is like being in a relationship, you have to know when it is your time to step up and when it is your time to take a back seat and just be there in case they fall. Hope this helps. wish you the best

    • I am having bad feeling its time to step back and wait for the fall, I really dislike not helping when someone asks, but in this case maybe me being there for her is bad for her in the long run.

    • Unfortunately I agree. I know it hurts cause your a good friend and you want the best for her but unfortunately you can't do it for her she has to see and wannt it for herself. Doesn't mean you have to participate but just let her know in words or actions that you're still there. I have a friend that is currently dating a married tears me apart that I can't sit on the phone and listen to her dates as that would make me in support of it but she knows I love her and I'm here for her

What Guys Said 1

  • She won't leave him for the same reason you don't leave her. Her choices hurt you, but you don't leave because of the way you feel about her. Sounds like you want to be more than friends with her. If you want her to take notice, then you have to stop always being their for her. You are her backup guy, that she knows will always be there. Until she realizes that she might lose you she won't take you seriously.

    • no I just really want to help anyone who ask and if I have the power to help... I am more annoyed that I am always woken up at any given time when I am sleeping, and I am tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. But I do think I should stop being there for her as long as she has me she tends to be able to vent her emotions and support her so she has the ability to keep going back... which leads to late night phone calls for me...

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