Is it bad to be this picky?

when I hit puberty, I had so many crushes. I pretty much crushed on any guy who walked past me. (not literally)

once I went to high school, I didn't have as many crushes but I still crushed on a couple of guys before getting to know them.

but once I graduated and went to college, I became more selective. in the first semester, I had a crush on this one guy who I think liked my friend. I still acted like an immature high school kid, so I reacted like I did in high school.

im in my second year of college now and I don't like anyone. I feel like it is a waste of time. I've met many new people, (not dating but just as acquaintances) and I have realized that I wouldn't date any of them. I don't have a crush on anyone either. I Haven't for while. I ran into my first semester crush, and I don't feel anything for him anymore.

im alittle worried though. I feel like I might have become jaded over time. I get hit on quite often (I wouldn't say everyday. but it happens occasionally.) and some guys try to talk to me but I don't feel like I'd want to give them a chance.

there has only been one guy in my math class last semester who I wanted to get to know. every time I saw him, I felt this instant connection, even though I didn't talk to him. his smile, his gaze, and his shyness really intrigued me. I wouldve liked to get to know him but he dropped the class. :(

anyway, I don't feel that spark with everyone I meet. I used to feel that way when I was younger, but now that I'm older, I don't feel it quite as often, and it makes me not want to talk to new people.

also, most people that approach me just want one thing. and I'm a virgin. and inexperienced in dating. I just don't want to waste my time with someone who parties and wants to mess around because I'm not like that. I want a guy who is passionate about his career as I am.

idk what to do anymore. are my expectations to high?

am I being stupid? should I just give those guys a chance even though I don't feel anything for them?

and what is that instant spark I don't have with most people?

and why don't I have crushes anymore? I feel so weird. I'm so used to having crushes and I feel like there's something wrong with me now that I don't like anyone.

what can I do? I'm so confused.


Most Helpful Guy

  • No it's certainly not, while it's true some people may have ridiculous expectations, I don't think you are one of them. It's quite possible that your mind has taken your experiences from high-school and is applying them to what you like and dislike. Trouble is a lot of first and 2nd year college male students are usually in college right after high school and still haven't grown mentally.

    In high school getting a girlfriend is less about love and a relationship and is more about the game. How many girls can you get, how many times can you get into their pants before you move onto the next one, rinse and repeat. After each girl they essentially use it's almost like they make tally's on a score card somewhere. Then they brag to their friends about score and it proves how much of a man they are or how much self worth they have because of it, or how they're better than everyone else because of it (all retarded stereotypes IMO).

    Being picky about finding a decent guys is nothing to be ashamed of, is your minds way of protecting you from being used for a cheap thrill or as a plaything (by idiotic men).

    As for how you fell it could be due to what you were used to and the shock of how infrequently it's happening now. Odds are you probably have other priorities and are paying more attention to them then all the guys in your school. Whatever the reason you sound like a perfectly reasonable person to me, just be careful not to overlook that decent guy that's buried in all the idiots.

    But this is all my opinion, take it with a grain of salt. I hope you feel like your old self again soon, Good luck and I hope this has helped a bit :).

    • yeah I don't feel like dating is a priority for me right now. I'm more focused on my studies and work. but like you said, if I do meet a decent guy, I will definitely give him a chance. :D

      but I haven just yet.

      i just feel pressured because my sister and her friends make me feel weird because I don't I've never dated or anything. they think I'm a lesbian or that I'm not normal.

      but I just don't want to waste my time with some guy who only wants sex, either.

      they just don't get it.

    • Show All
    • We = Way, life lesson; don't type while tired :P. I wouldn't worry so much, you'll go bald or give yourself an ulcer :P. To quote mass effect 2 "The expedient path may be faster, but that doesn't always make it the right path.". I've learned (the hard way) these things happen at their own paces and no one else's. Things could be different for you this time next year :). As you said yourself "Patience is key in this situation". (A big old skeleton key attached to a rock via chain but hey :P)

    • you're right. I'm probably stressing over nothing.

      i'll be patient I guess. and stick to my morals and standards. :D

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • you've grown up and your tastes have changed over the years as you've undoubtedly matured. I think that if you're looking to meet someone and you have a decent guy approach you, you should give it a shot. it doesn't mean you have to instantly become boyfriend/girlfriend of course, just go out on a few dates or something and see what he's all about as a person and you never know, he might be more than first meets the eye.

    • well that's good to hear.

      i was starting to think there was something wrong with me.

      those decent guys are a rare find.

      i don't run into them quite often.

    • i don't think there's anything wrong with you at all. you gotta have standards of some kind and you have yours set and that's good. you might just have a dry spell of decent dudes who are approaching you right now but I think at some point you'll bump into a nice guy and then you can see if you hit it off at all and maybe set up a few outings together for lunch or whatever you like to do. good luck!

    • you're right.

      i guess patience is key in this situation.

      thanks :D

What Girls Said 1

  • All your questions are normal but the answer is no, don't change. You aren't weird for having expectations. Any person with self respect has some expectations for themselves, so put yourself in that category. You're obviously attractive since guys hit on you, so maybe you are picky because you can be. Go slow and choose the guy who you like- no need to feel pressured. It's your life, your body, your mind so treat it well. Also, I agree with anonymous who says that you most likely just grew up and matured so your tastes have changed. No biggie

    • i wouldn't say I'm hot or anything but I guess I'm decent. I just don't feel like the guys I've been interested in would take interest in me. they didn't in middle school and high school. no one did actually. until now.

      but I guess you're right. I'm looking for more than a guy with good looks. in fact, looks don't matter much to me. most people don't seem to understand that.

      i don't meet many guys who I'd take seriously. and I don't want to waste my time with just anyone.