I'm positive that I've been dumped but why did he bail when I needed him? And has he written me off? Pls help

've been casually dating this guy for about two and half months now. It's been amazing. We live about 25 minutes away from each other but spend every weekend and at least one night a week together. We go out to movies, dinner, museums, everything. We both like each other a lot but are just being very slow.

But this past weekend I was assaulted on my college campus and hospitalized. Thank goodness I walked away alive and mostly unscathed, but I was still traumatized.

He texted me a few times over the weekend but I didn't see them until I charged and turned on my phone Monday. I texted him to let him know I was okay and ended up telling him what happened. He was very concerned and he would bail work to come see me. He said he just wanted to be with me. He even offered to drive me to the police department to file a report. Unfortunately, I was in no shape to see anyone but did call him later that day, as per his request.

At some point we miscommunicated because he thought he was coming for sure to my house on Tuesday night to have dinner with me and the friend who made it. I told him nothing was set in stone but I'd let him know. Turns out it worked better for my friend and I to go to her house that night. I told him this and apologized and asked if he was mad. He said he wasn't mad at all and then I invited to come over my friends house after she said that was cool. He never responded for the rest of the night, even after I texted him a few more times.

The next morning I texted him an apology for pestering him to come over and just said I really wanted to see him and told him how I was fired at my new job due to my absences from the assault. I did say that I'd understand and wouldn't be mad if he decided to avoid me. Still heard nothing back. I texted him later in the day asking if I did something I needed to apologize for and that the thought of me hurting him was eating me alive. No response again.

At this point I was frustrated, hurt, and worried for his well-being. Well the next day, nearly 48 hours since he last contacted me, he texted saying that I have nothing to apologize for and that he was giving me time to get things in order. He said he probably needs time to do the same and that his life is generally calm and quiet, and he likes it that way.

I responded a few hours later saying I understood where he was coming from and if that was best for him then it was best for me. I told him that I genuinely hope I didn't overwhelm him with my problems and said I appreciated him offering to bail on work to see me and drive to the police station. I said I understood that this an overwhelming thing for a friend and that I know he likes his life calm.

My question is mostly just why? Why did he go from willing to bail work to see me to not wanting to be there at all in just a few days? Am I worthless to him? I realize we were still just casual but he said he wanted to be there for me..

Is he right in his decision? I'm thoroughly heartbroken.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Were you raped? I'm thinking that would be something that would be for a change in different feeling.

    Did he think you changed places for dinner, because you didn't want him there, Did you tell him, your having dinner at your friends first, then you asked if he'd join you only after you asked your friend if it was ok? And you asked him right away if he was mad? why did you ask that? If you asked him that, then he thought that you thought, that he should somehow maybe be mad. you should have first asked your friend if he can come over, then get on the phone with him and tell him where to meet you! not,' sorry...but maybe you can come, she said it's ok.' that made it confusing to him, like he'd be interupting or that you really needed space, but invited him anyway..sort of thing!

    • I was raped, yes. No, I clearly communicated that it may not be at my place but I wouldn't know for sure until later. I said I wanted to make sure it was cool with my friend and I apologized for any confusion. I was very adamant about how much I wanted him to be there.

    • So sorry you were assaulted. I hope you do really well after this thing that happened. I do think that you should talk to him. He's probably in shock and is retrieving. Good luck to u!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Idk, from what you've said, it sounds like he doesn't really care much. His lack of response is inconsistent with how he offered to drive you to the police station. Maybe he realized that it was getting too "serious" for him and he only wants something very casual where he has no responsibility for anything or to anyone.

    I'm glad you are doing better though. Sorry to hear about the assault.

    • Do you think he initially cared? He went from hot to cold. He has to realize what he did was immature and also that he threw salt on an open wound, right? I never would've believed he'd be this kind of person from everything I've witnessed from him over the course of our relationship.

    • Show All
    • Do you think it's bad that I want to call him and hear him say what he's feeling? You can only gather so much information via text. I don't know, maybe I'm in horrible denial right now. What he did was sh*tty, but I don't know why I still care so much.

    • I wouldn't say it's "bad", you're human, it seems like a pretty common reaction to how you feel/felt about him and the events you have been through lately. If you need closure, then you should try to call him. Because this seems like a situation of either taking a band-aid off slowly or tearing it off completely.

What Girls Said 1

  • I dunno..maybe he wasn't ready to deal with that sorta thing..the emotions and what not that comes with it..just too much for him,I guess.

    Sorry you were assaulted,btw.

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