Should I still hang out with him as friends? A bit confused on what to do

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a month and from the beginning he said he wanted to be exclusive. I agreed to that because I don't like to sleep around either. We have been intimate already and what not. Today tho he told me he feels things are moving too fast and he wants to take a step back. He was in a 5 year relationship that he just got out of about 3 months ago. He said he isn't ready to be tied down to someone and I agreed, things were moving fast. He told me he loved me the other week and I said it back because I do have strong feelings but I also felt a little pressured to. He also immediately posted on fb he's in a relationship with me ( we aren't fb friends but he put my first name) but I wasn't comfortable doing so. He has also introduced me to his son and all his family as his girlfriend. But now he is backing out and doesn't want to be committed to me Because I asked him if he is going to sleep with other women and he said he can't promise me he won't but he's not gonna be out looking for them. He said he still wants to hang out with me because he thinks I am an amazing girl and he loves my company and cares about me still so he just wants to continue to hang out on a friend level and see where it goes in the future. I agree with him somewhat because I wanted to initially take things slow but he was the one who kinda pushed things along. But I am kinda hurt right now over this. And he also said when we hangout there will be no more sex and I told him I agree because I'm not going to be someone else's booty call and ge said ge respects me too much for that. I'm just a bit confused tho still. Should I still hang out with him as friends? Any thoughts or advice is appreciated.


Most Helpful Guy

  • His inability to give you a promise about sleeping with others is disconcerting. Is he simply unwilling, or does he doubt his own ability at self-control? Who does that?

    I'm not a rebound expert by any means, but I did hear that the longer you are in a relationship the more time is needed to avoid the so called rebound-effect. 5 years is a long time, so a 3 month turn-around could be a bit on the short side. As the relationship has progressed fast, now it has muddled his head and he is the one feeling confused.

    You have been quite accommodating to his wishes and requests. You should communicate to him that you were willing to go slow from the beginning and he was the one who went fast, and now you are the one being pennalized which is unfair to you, even though you are still willing to respect his wishes regarding further speed. Guys typically like to fix stuff or plan a set course of action, even if you just want acknolwedgement, so if you do have such a communique with him be sure to make it clear of what you expect in return for any expression you may have.

    Hanging out further on the friendship level may be healthy and productive, so doing that sounds fine to me. However, that should not continue indefinitely or for a protracted length of time. At some point, the relationship has to go back to where it left off.

    • Yea that's how I feel. I'm not going to sit around and wait forever. But on the same note I did get intimate with him and I admit I almost feel a little used. But I'm ceasing the intimacy so if he continues to want to be around me then I will know its not just for that. But I can't help but feel a little jealous or hurt if he starts talking to other girls

    • Show All
    • Yes, I know - sexual peak should be close to starting for you (for males its much younger circa 18).

      If you feel you don't want to put in extra effort because you don't see a need to with the current tempo of the relationship, that is fine. However, if you are doing it for the wrong reasons (i.e., you still have not made your grievances known to him) and there are still hurt feelings, then that is probably a wrong reason. He may not be the kind of person you can even solve it with?

    • Well I'm saying I'm just going to let him initiate things with me from now on. He did call me tonight but I didn't answer because I had fallen asleep. He texted me shortly after seeming concerned. I'm just trying to push my feelings back right now since he stated he doesn't want to be exclusive with me. I think he does genuinely like me but I have friends who say "well if he really did like you, he'd commit to you and not back out". I don't know it all just gets a bit confusing.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Depends on just how much you like him

    • Well I like him a lot obviously

What Girls Said 1

  • i would be very hurt, I would tell him I need my space for now. I would feel rejected. but it is your call.

    • I feel like I was more or less made into a rebound. He was the one who rushed everything even when I wanted to tale things slower at first but I felt like if I didn't go along he wouldn't want to be with me. So I conditioned myself into it and developed strong feelings for him and now I kinda feel like an idiot. But I feel maybe I should give the friendship a chance since it's how I initially wanted it to start out.