I am married, & have a kid with the guy. Things have sucked between us for years, & even with me trying to fix things, nothing ever gotten better. I didn't look for anyone else, since that wasn't even an option for me... but 5 years ago, I met a guy on a game I played. We hit it off, talking every chance we had. We both ended up confessing our love to each other months later. Continued to wrap all our time in each other (I mean all day, into the nite, & next day sort of thing). He lives in another country, & is in the military, he was deployed for a time, but we stayed close, & it probably made us even closer, since his real life friends forgot about him, but I always there. We have talked for years about me moving to be with him, even though we didn't meet in person yet. But it never happened. He was afraid of coming here since he thought I would only spend a little bit of time with him, but I couldn't go there, because I couldn't risk my husband finding out, then losing my son once the relationship was over. We were so close, I considered him my best friend, on top of him being the love of my life. We know things about each other that no one else knows, and have both saved each other from suicide at one time or another. We got into a fight a month and a half ago, & he ended it (something he seemed to do monthly, since the situation was killing him). He told me not to text him, and if I didn't hear from him, to get the picture. I couldn't deal with it, & continued to text him off and on, confessing my love, apologizing for the hurtful things I said after he ended it, letting him know that I missed him. He didn't respond the whole time. His birthday came up, I called and text him to wish him well, but he still didn't reply. I text him after it had been a month, he finally responded, told me he thought it was something he needed to do, but he didn't really give me any explanation for anything, just told me that he will contact me when he is ready, but right now he is just focused on his training. I asked him if he has a found someone else, he told me "I'll tell you if I do". I have been so depressed & constantly fantasizing about killing myself, & he knows all about the depression problem that I have. I've expressed that I am not dealing with losing him well at all, miss him so much that I would deal with just being friends. Three days after his text, I get a text at one a.m. It was a link to one of our songs "goodbye my lover". One we both would always play when we would split. I asked him why he sent that, and he responded with "why are you there?", I said "huh?" and he replied with "why can't you move on? Do I have to die for you to move on?" "sorry, I'm in a mood". Then told me I should be flattered since it is his last text, & I'll be richer (since he put me on his insurance to receive money if he dies). I call him in the morning to make sure he is OK. he says "it was a drunk text" & not to waist my time, Because he isn't reading my text. WTF?
Most Helpful Guy
I'm young so I may not fully comprehend the situation, but in a blunt yet honest fashion listen to my opinion as I read the entirety of your post and concluded my thoughts on this.
Problem 1) You met online. The world is yours to control online, be anyone and do anything.
Solution 1) It would be better to keep relationships more physical (as in you can meet up with them). It solidifies a relationship and strengthens its foundations- and in your state of mind (as you willingly said you have depression issues) this would benefit you having plenty of contact.
Problem 2) You're similar minded. As in you both have a similar state of mind, depressive and seemingly borderline destructive depressive behavior (seeing as you considered suicide and have done in the past).
Solution 2) Go to some form of rehab, get cognitive therapy to balance your mindset and remove suicidal tendancies. This will give you more control of your emotional state and can view a situation better than what you would if your emotions spiked in a depressive episode.
You need time away from him, the game and time to regain your standard. I may be coming across as quite blunt but this is a way I deal with things like this. I admit I've not been depressed, most likely borderline at one time and this is how I dealt with it.
Don't think too much about his drunken words; it's better to talk when he's sober. If he has done the above, get it ammeded; it could cause problems.
I can't really say much more.
1) Get to Rehab for depression and get it sorted out.
2) End it with this person, the situation is too unstable and could cause you to relive the bad memories and slip into a depressive state again.
I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, this is my own personal opinion and should not be viewed as be all end all.2