Am I just desperate or is it just normal to want to reach out?

I want to get back in touch with a former crush of 2-3 years ago, whom I haven't seen in over a year and a half and haven't spoken to in more than 9 months.

I'm afraid to come off as a burden, a clingy girl who has a crush and can't get over it. I'm afraid that asking him for news after so much time has passed might just be viewed as telling him " hello, I still love you, do you?"

on the other hand I tell myself that if he wanted to keep in touch with me he would have, wouldn't he?

The story details are above if you'd like to know more and I'd like anyone feedback and opinions on what I should do.

I used to have a huge crush on him back in the days (and I still do to some extent) but the guy was taken. He seemed to somehow reciprocate the interest to some extent. There as a strange attraction and push/pull between us. Anyway nothing happened, and none of us talked about the feelings. We both moved away and I tried to keep in touch with him in a friendly way.

During a year we would text on phone or message via fb, it was nice and friendly, nothing big. Things got really exciting for him after he and hi girlfriend moved in and she got pregnant.

He would keep me in touch with how things were going and pregnancy news while I tried to be supportive because, well, he's still young.

He informed me when the baby was born, sent me pictures of his new family and three weeks after when I asked for news he also sent me a picture of his baby (which wasn't really the kind of picture you send friends, more like the kind you send to family) At that point I really though we had become at least good friends.

The fact that he gave me news about the baby, what sex he was and even sent me the ultrasound pics just made me think that I wasn't a mere acquaintance or former classmate It was all nice and good until then.

He never replied to my message after this. I thought he was busy because I do know how a baby can be time consuming but it's been months now that I'm left without news and I can see on social media that he does have time for friends.

I had made up my mind some months ago not to contact him ever again unless he did first, that I was certainly annoying him, or maybe that it was inappropriate for a single girl to interact with a guy who has a child and a girlfriend.

But now I'm sort of reevaluating the whole situation.

I find it sort of sad that someone who would share so much about his personal life with me would just vanish all of a sudden without any reason. We live in different towns so fb really is the only way to keep in touch.

Any advice, feedback, experience is appreciated. Thank you


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What Guys Said 2

  • IMO, you need to accept that he has built a new life, with a child and the child's mother, and it really isn't appropriate for him to be continuing to communicate with a single girl who is known to have a crush on him.

    Try to imagine if you had a Boyfriend and had his child, and he's still talking to another girl who you KNOW likes him. You'd be PISSED!

    And even if she doesn't know about you, if he keeps talking with you, she'll end up finding out sooner or later, and that would go very bad for him.

    You just need to accept that this guy isn't going to be in your life anymore, and you need to move on with yours. Whether you admit it or not, you still have feelings for him, which are preventing you from moving on with your life, because somehow you still have some hope. Well, it's time to kill that hope and forget about this guy, so that you can have your own life back and start doing things with AVAILABLE guys and be happy again.

    • Nobody knows I had a crush on him. And I've always treated him in a friendly,polite way and not in a flirty way so I'm not even sure he knows for sure.

      I do still have some feelings but I know there is NO hope and anyway I would never pursue anything. I guess you're right about it making things a lot harder on me. I just thought it'd be much nicer to keep him as a friend or at least as a good acquaintance whom you hear from sometimes, rather than just becoming complete strangers. Is that bad?

    • When one person has feelings, and the other just wants to be friends, 99% of the time, they can't be friends, because the person with feelings will always want more, and they'll put their romantic life on hold waiting for the other person. That isn't healthy or smart.

      At this point, you probably couldn't be more than "Christmas Card List" friends anyway, so just accept that and move on.

  • At some point, he got so busy with the new life that he had to let some former friends/lovers go into history. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to hear from you ever again, just that he won't maintain routine contact.

    It's fine to contact him, but be patient in waiting for a reply! He's probably curious about you as well.

    • Yes, I understand it can hardly be routine contact. Thanks for your advice.

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