Advice for a 34 year old that will give dating one last chance?

Okay, in terms of relationships, I have been extremely unlucky. I contemplated quitting. I believe I am too old for this sh*t. Be that as it may, I am going to give it one last chance. I tried Dating sites, both payed and free. Unsuccessfully. I sent well over 1000 messages, with only a dismal 3 replies. And of the 3, none went past the second or 3rd email. I got frustrated, and gave up.

Conversely, I get messages from women I have NO INTEREST in quite a few times.

However, I don't drink, so dive bars and the like are out of the question. I am now an Over The Road truck Driver. Most of the female truck drivers out there are older than me, and I am not interested in them.

I would like to get back into this for one final stand. Do anyone have any advice?

My time limit is set for June 30 2014. If I am not in a serious relationship by then, I shall remain as I am.

My setting a time limit is for a reason: I am the last of my family. My primary reason for this is to have children of my own, LEGITIMATELY. Nothing out of wedlock. I refuse to raise children in my 50's! I reached my age without them.
Clarification: I want to know what to do, and NOT HOW TO DO IT.
My apology to those that believe me to be combative. I am just frustrated and annoyed. My apology.
It sounds nice to do "enjoy myself alone", or however it may be said. However, my question is simple: If I enjoy doing things in solitude, what then is the point of companionship? What would be the point if contentment is found in isolation, or solitude?
Okay, I have rebuilt my resolve. I suffered indignation my last turn. Now, it is time to go on the path to accomplish the only thing I failed at.

My question I pose is this:

Where should I look? I am done with this. I will never fail again!
Forget it. I will just remain alone.


Most Helpful Girl

  • My advice, stop dating to meet a goal or a deadline. You cannot custom order a relationship or a partner and you sound like you are very limited in opening yourself to finding someone.

    Online dating is for only the very strong. I did not go on dates from online dating but there was no chemistry and it was depressing.

    So, date if you meet someone of interest, don't count out that you could meet someone randomly in the most unlikely places, and stop counting down as to whether you will have a child. Maybe you won't, it happens, but relationships are about a lot more than procreating offspring. Good luck!

    • If not, I am a disgrace to my family.

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    • Sorry, until proven otherwise, my cynicism stands. I am a pragmatist, I need uncontrivertible evidence that disproves my cynical predisposition. By that, I mean a woman that says, "I want a nice guy" and throws her panties at a douchebag, because she don't know her head from ass! I blame female actions for my cynicism. Women need to put on their big girl panties, and stop acting like fickle high school teenagers!

    • "Maybe if I lie to him, I won't hurt his feelings...". Women are full of sh*t, being dishonest because, "I don't want to hurt his feelings...". DEPLORABLE! Maybe I should be a lying, panty chasing, douchebag? Maybe then, I would have some sort of respect, although I will lose self respect?

      Then, I will be absolutely correct in my cynicism...

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 9

  • you're angry because you feel unappreciated; overlooked, and worthless. I know a little about vets and what's going on in your head and in your heart right now is hell. But before you go back out looking for Ms. Right. You should work on the anger. It doesn't get better if you overlook it. And its hard to get all of those thoughts, feelings, and images under control. But you can, little by little, day by day. When you are healthier, you will be able to find and spend time with a woman. When you learn how to be easier on yourself, to let go, to forgive, and to just be. Even if for now, that means being broken--there's no shame in that. You've been through, hell. There are a couple of amazing quotes I'd like to share with you from the movie "A Beautiful Mind" about a Nobel prize winning mathematician struggling with paranoid schizophrenia. He speaks of his battles in these quotes:

    " I've gotten used to ignoring them (delusions) and I think, as a result, they've kind of given up on me. I think that's what it's like with all our dreams and our nightmares, Martin, we've got to keep feeding them for them to stay alive. I still see things that are not here. I just choose not to acknowledge them."

    for now work on the anger and the turmoil inside. Day by day it gets better and day by day you can learn to love again.

    good luck.

    • Yeah, but the last time, it took 11 years for me to do so, the last time. I don't feel like being single at age 44. I was practically single between 2003 (after 2 failed "rebound" relationships) and 2011 (for which the split occurred early 2001). I am not going to lie... I am a bit of a quiet "rage-a-haulic". My anger is never taken out on others and always internal. However, it took me nearly 11 years. If I should wait another 11 years, I may as well give up.

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    • Sorry, animals aren't my thing, and I don't trust people unless they prove to me they are worth trust.

    • wishing you well!

  • Clearly, something is going wrong with your typical dating routine & approach. As I don't know you personally, I can't really figure out what it might be. I personally know tons of guys who have luck on dating sites, so I don't think it's dating sites altogether...same goes with meeting people in bars -- I know many normal people who have met that way. One of the most statistically successful ways is to try to meet through mutual friends, but that can be difficult for someone, like you, who doesn't have a firm and regular social circle due to your job.

    The best I can suggest is to take a peek at this book: link

    I read it myself and it's not "too girly" ... though parts are a kind of dated. Anyway, it gives you a jumping off point to try to figure out what's going on. Usually, it's too personal for any stranger to give precise instructions on how to fix your problem.

    • Yeah, my friends are ALL married. I am the oldest of my circle of friends. Most of their wives, I despise. The women they attempted to "set me up with" left a myriad of things to be desired. Often friends of their wives (and had the same ANNOYING qualities)

      I admit, although I am shy, I do have standards.

      However, I will take a look at your link. It may prove to be useful.

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    • Nobody can predict the future... Not even you. You say you are committed to living alone, it seems, because you want to avoid pain. If you think you could live alone without being unhappy, it doesn't really require a commitment (mental) to it. But committing yourself to it is like telling yourself daily that you're in pain.

    • I don't have to tell myself anything. II am not in pain. Avoidance? II am avoiding bullsh*t*t. People today are only out for their own selfish gains. I am the least bit selfish. II would give the shirt from my back, to a fellow person, if they actually need it more than myself. However, at least alone, I don't have to worry about someone trying to get over on me.

  • It seems that you probably don't persist enough. I like men that are so interested in me that they would go out of their way to spend as much time as possible talking to me. If he really wants me, he would not quit no matter how indifferent I look or whatever. Just don't be pushy, have normal conversations and spend as much time as possible. When I lost my virginity, I lost it because after so much time talking to him I just got turn on and we were not even talking about that at all. It was unexpected.

    • will you accept me as a friend. I need your advice.

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    • Feeling like a victim is stupid, if you make a choice in life it is your choice, the world does not owe you any special treatment, but you owe it to yourself.

    • Yeah, Eat a D*ck, and grow up, child. Pi*s off.

  • So are you saying that by June 2014 you have to be married and have children? The problem with setting a time limit is if you do happen to get into a relationship then you're gonna end up rushing it along and things will fall apart and then you'll be back to square one. And honestly I find dating sites to be a joke, I've tried them as well but gave up, and I got tons of responses and went on many dates but the guys ended up being trash. Maybe you can meet someone at one of your religious gatherings or some other type of social gathering in your town like a concert or fair or what not. Just be yourself and be honest and respectable, but don't rush it. Love doesn't have a time limit and I know your whole purpose of having a relationship is to get married and have kids but you can't have any of that without the other person falling in love with you first.

    • Misinterpretation on your part... Clarification: Serious relationship by that point, not just casual dating.

      So, if Dating sites are a joke, how would one, who is shy, and not too pleased with local women (from his hometown) meet someone? Oh, might I add, I am a Truck Driver! I drive all over the damn lower 48 states. I am not in one place long enough!

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    • There is only one way to change careers. The problem is cyclical, however.

      Dilemma: In order to change careers, I must settle down. I am tired of my "hometown". There are no jobs there available with a livable wage. I refuse to make less than $15/hr. I am payed $2000/week now. I am willing to move somewhere else. However, I need an incentive to move there. In order to move, I need a reason, and location. Which brings me back to a livable wage...

    • I decided to quit. Nothing gained, nothing lost. I m tired of bullsh*t, and all I have dealt with was bull. "Sure meet me at...", Go there, wait for 3 hours after the time we were supposed to meet. Then decided to "date down", and we were getting along okay, until she began to ask why haven't I tried to be intimate. I left without saying a word, because it is uncouth to say, "Well, I enjoy your company, but I rather bury my nuts in the sand than to have sex with you.". Alone it is.

  • If you drive all over the place for a job, then that's issue number one. You aren't in one place for long, and so you don't meet many people. Don't give up on love, it turns you cold. It takes time to fall in love, and 99% of the time you don't fall in love quickly. Love will creep up on you and then before you know it: you'll be in love. Giving up isn't a good thing, and online dating sites aren't a good idea, the girl could be a killer for all you know. GOOD LUCK!

    • "Turns you cold"? Funny, already there... LOL

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    • Yeah I know what you mean.

    • For all intents and purposes, I am cynical to the point that I am beginning to believe that love don't exist. People lie and say they love another, when in reality, they love themselves. They give less than a sh*t about another person, including the one they say, "I love you" to. They are only with that person for self interest, above all else. It is sickening, and humanity is a joke. People are f***ing lame. If my beliefs are correct, I hope G_D sends us all to the fiery pit for eternity.

  • :o I don't have advice for your situation... But... don't give up, you'll find her.

    Over The Road truck Driver... hmm.. that's hard considering you will have to leave your girl alone for a while from time to time.

    Good luck!

    • Sorry, I am a realist. Women don't fall from the sky, much less than pigs fly.

      Nope, I gave myself this limit for a reason. I don't have children. To me, the only reason I want to be in a relationship is that I am the last male to carry on my family name. However, I refuse to raise children in my 50's. Therefore, it is imperative that I do this asap. Otherwise, it is pointless, and I shall remain alone.

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    • How sweet. :]!

    • Thought I blocked your dumb ass. Go f*** yourself with a barbed wire wrapped vibrator, you childish slut.

  • Just stop looking if she is out their you will find her. Plus age is just number. Don't rush it if it happens it does if not well just continue being yourself. ONLINE DATING SITES DON'T WORK and pubs and bars are the same just don't look and be ready for when you meet her.

    • ya age is a number, but there in a very strong relationship: the higher that number is, the more likely you are to be dead

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    • not looking can work for a woman but if your a man not looking = not finding 99.9999% of the time.

    • My point exactly.

  • Why not travel around the world? Are you a native English speaker? You can visit many countries.

    • I travelled before. No desire to travel alone. I travel alone now. My job is a truck driver. I go from one end of the US to the other. Last month, From California to Massachusetts, from Massachusetts to Washington, from Washington to New York, from New York to Michigan. I am tired of alone.

  • Don't give up ! you'll find her ^_~


What Guys Said 12

  • I can see a few mistakes you made already.

    You don't like being messages by girls that don't fit your standard yet you sent 1000! Messages without getting a reply?

    You want a chance? Give people a chance.

    You want to meet someone special? Stop the shotgun approach (girls can smell that from a mile away).

    You want to be approached by interesting people? Be interesting. Your physical presence alone doesn't give you some magic right to be approached.

    You seem bitter and setting yourself up for failure. Who would want to be with someone like that? You are right about one thing; you do need dating advice.

    Sorry if all this sounds harsh. But I think you new to hear it and it's not meant to be mean.

    • Sorry, I am into fitness. I don't date fat women. Joppa the Slut ain't my thing.

      Harsh? I was a f*cking Drill instructor! That is nothing. Your opinion is meaningless to me.

      Enough with the banter and to the point.

      My assumed bitterness is not transposed into my words as I send messages. I usually am honest, with candor, and don't try to sell myself like some type of cliche pick up artist. I use sincerity and honesty. You have the wrong Idea of me bub.

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    • It seems my uncle is in a similar situation as u. My uncle made a career out of the marines but failed in the romance department. After a divorce and a pending divorce plus kids it's rough. I don't think military people have the best luck in love as in the military your taught to be rough and straight forward. In civilian life being soft is key. There are a lot of things comparable to dating as in charity work for kids or soup kitchens; though I know your busy and travel a lot.

    • So, what you are saying, I should date a military woman?

      Sorry, charity work leaves me cold, because I don't agree with why charity is necessary. If people do what they supposed to do, the situation would not exist to where it is necessary. We spend billions helping other countries, and nothing on our own. PATHETIC. And right, I haven't the time.

  • My advice is DO NOT go in for traditional dating; it's a losing proposition for most guys, especially after age 30. For girls too, although in a very different way, I won't talk about that now!

    Instead, join clubs for people with common interests, go to new places with different people; hang out more at libraries, book readings, lectures; a lot of librarians are single and open to suggestion! Sure they all look nerdy and nearly all wear glasses, but they're generally approachable and disease free...

    Just for example!

    • I figured you show up! Sorry I haven't chatted with you in a while!

      Common interests? Yeah, well, I haven't seen too many Gun toting, video gameing, oakum in their 30's that are still single... seems to be fresh out of stock...

      But thanks!

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    • There was Annie Oakley, there have to others like her.

    • Who is "Annie Oakley"? Never heard of her...

  • You could go to Mexico. Women there all want green cards so you might get more attention. This is not trying to be witty. I am serious. Otherwise try to change and become more outgoing, even if you don't drink you can still go to bars, just get soda with lime. No one can tell it is none alcoholic and you can always treat a girl to a drink. That usually will get you at least a little chat.

    • No megusta... Pointless to go somewhere there is alcohol, and are a non drinker. AND, I refuse to buy alcohol for someone else. I am intolerant of drinkers.

  • Anyways, I do have an idea. Now, to be honest, I am younger than you and am having dating problems that are probably worse than yours. But, my problems are separate from yours and that doesn't mean that my advice wouldn't work for you.

    With that aside, I do think that online dating isn't likely to work. There seems to be way too many guys and I never heard of any success stories from it. So, it seems that meeting girls who are interested in person would be the best approach.

    Only problem is that you don't seem to be doing that right now. The best thing to do, beside giving up and waiting for the right girl/woman to fall into your lap, is to change something about your life.

    Have you thought about going to college? It's never too late and the Montgomery GI bill should pay all or at least most of your college tuition.

    Unlike dating, college campuses usually have more women than men. However, I can't guarantee that you'll start dating college girls when get there, most of them are probably 12 to 14 years younger than you and girls in that age range tend to get creeped out by a guy who's that much older than them and is trying to pursue them.

    But, there could be other adult students who are also female. And, even if you don't meet anyone in college, you still learn a skill that might help you find a better job.

    Not to attack your job or what you do for a living, or anything, but from my understanding being truck driver is a suck-ass job. It's unpleasant, doesn't really give you the free time to go out and meet new people, and can lead to all kinds of health problems like having a pulmonary embolism or something.

    At least with a college degree, you might be able to find a better job that allows you more time and money to do fun and interesting things. Which, in turn, might help you to meet fun and interesting girls who you could spend the rest of your life with.

    That's my best advice that I can give you. If you don't have any problems with your interpersonal skills and you don't look bad or anything then changing something about your life, like going to college, seems like the best thing to do. On the other hand, going to places where other people are also looking to date, such as on dating sites, doesn't seem to work for most guys.

    Anyways, good luck.

    • Problem #1. The only women that are interested in me in person are the same ones I would rather chop off my balls instead of dating.

      Problem #2. I dropped out of college because I am cynical enough to believe that it is a waste of time, because I took a course in aerospace engineering. I am still trying to figure out, why the blue f*ck philosophy was a "required" course? What the musings of Socrates and the rest of the Greek Goat humpers have to do with building rockets?

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    • And by that, I mean, I pay to go to basic training, I pay to go to the military, and I pay for a plane ticket for myself, and my equipment and pay to fight a war out of my own pocket.

      Conversely, I get payed hourly or salary to take courses, with no out of pocket expense to myself.

      The point is, I was payed to do a job. Part of the job was to follow the directives of wannabe politicians wearing shiny insignia. No matter how asinine it may seem. College system is asinine, and should be fixed.

    • My point was that you were willing to do what you had to do in the military because that's what you wanted to do. If you were training to be a soldier, marine, or sailor, then you did whatever you had to do because those were the things that you had to do in order to become what you wanted to be.

      Sure, college is different because you're not paid to go - unless you're on scholarship. But, I'm saying that if you really wanted to be an engineer, then you would do what you had to do.

  • I really don't have any advice for you, but I thought that you an interesting name. Like you Japonized your name or something - ie say your name like a Japanese person would probably say because it's really difficult for them to pronounce our words. :D

    How long were you in the military, by the way? I noticed that people who were in the Marines for only four years tend to talk about being in the Marines the most. Whereas, people like my dad and some his friends from the Marines who were there for 20 years don't really bring it up in conversation like that.

    Like my uncle spent only four years and that was decades ago and he still talks about it, and some guy who I had a summer course with in college one time used to come in with a Marines t-shirt and drank form a Marines Corps. coffee mug and still he only spent 4 years there, too.

    I'm not trying to be offensive and call you a poser or anything. It's just an observation I've noticed over the years. I don't know why people like my dad and his friends from the military don't seem to talk about shedding blood for their country or going to war. Maybe, because they spent 2 decades without doing it? But, for those who spend the four years probably do because maybe they did?

    • I only bring it up because it is what shaped me into what I AM. I spent 7 years. 1999-2006. I am from a military family. I have extreme pride in what I done. I left, because I serve my country, and not some f*cktard politician. Bush ruined this country. Rather burnt my uniform than to call him commander in chief. And usually, I only bring it up, if I think my intelligence is being insulted. Think about it.

  • I say focus on your career and your goals and put women secondary. I have made the same mistakes. Dating websites are a joke. if you focus on your goals and put women secondary everything else will come into place and if it does not then maybe you were meant to be a bachelor. When you focus too much on women and wanting to be in a relationship that is when it is all gone wrong. trust me.

    i have had remote success with speedating type of deal give it a try. online stay far away from. also you drive trucks so its hard. you just gotta get out more swing dancing, some type of dancing, and do more social activities.

    • I abandoned "goals". My goal is to have a normal life. The average 34 year old I KNOW, is married. Not some truck driving, loner, nomad.

      Granted, my job pays me nearly $2000 per week. But, when you live on a truck, and your only bills are a $105 cell phone bill, and a $100 monthly storage bill, you would think you'd be living the good life. Money does not buy happiness. In fact, it is misery.

      Needless to say, being alone sucks ass. Especially when solitude is all you know.

  • If you are really about to give up you could consider a foreign bride.

  • Get a different job. Being a constant traveler will make you having or starting a relationship a lot tougher.

  • There are lots of things you can do!

    Instead of the bar scene.

    there are museums, festivals, carnivals, concerts, you may want to pick your self up in looks, appearance, style,anywhere there is people.

    There is someone just waiting for someone.

    • I don't like crowds of chaos. May make me have a flashback, if you know what I mean...

      I don't believe in the concept of "There is someone just waiting for someone". If you wait, you just do that, WAIT. Action yields results. Inaction yields results too, but that is nothing more than what already is.

      Pick myself up in looks? Hah! I am 34 with grey hair. Not much can be done. I have 40-50 year old grandmothers hitting on me.

  • Hey Gunny! I got a d***, so you may not want to hear me flap my gums. But, I do have a 'what'!

    Marry a woman outside the US. Marry a foreigner.

  • Do the opposite of what you have been before. So let go of anger and let go of a deadline.Let go is the way to go. Go to places where you feel comfy eg coffeeshops

    • I drive a truck. I can't park a f*cking 18 wheeler at starbucks, are you mad? I gave up on women anyway. I decided that martial arts, and truck driving is more important anyway.

  • have you tried speed dating ? or taking a pottery class ?

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