Make Amends with A Friend That I Messed Over? Need A Female Perspective.

In Feb 2011, I started dating a girl that I had been in love

with ever since I got to know her in the summer of 2010. She was my best friend, we did almost everything together. She was my dream girl. She started dating me in February, but it lasted like 2 days because I had done something really stupid and impulsive; she was at my house, and for no reason at all, I kind of pinned her down to the bed and wouldn't let go. It was a dumb ass thing to do. She demanded that I give her a ride home, and I really didn't want to give her a ride. I left her out in front of my apartment while I went to go buy a beer. When I got back, she finally almost called the cops and I gave her a ride home. On my way home, I kind of yelled at her and said some really stupid ass things to her. Well, as soon as I dropped her off, I called her and she immediately broke up with me and verbally owned me; I deserved it, though at the time I was really pissed off at what she said to me.

At the time, I owed her some money because she loaned me some gas money to get to work. I forgot how much, but I knew it was like 40 or 50 dollars; the night she broke up with me, she said I didn't have to pay her back. A few days before we got together, we ordered presents for each other for valentines day. She had my present directly mailed to my house. And I had her present mailed to my house; so I was in possession of both the presents. We were expecting them the following week. Well, I waited a few days, and was still pretty pissed off at her (I had no right to be mad at anybody but myself). I decided to give her present to another lady friend, and when I told her about it, she wanted my present back and was going to return it for a refund. Instead of giving it back to her, I told her to go to hell.

After that, she cut all ties with me and hasn't ever responded to any of my attempts to make amends with her. 1.5 years later, I still miss her. I don't want to be in a relationship with her, but I'd still love to be friends with her.

I'm thinking about sending her a card in the mail with the money that I owed her and more. I have no idea if she's going to respond or not. At least if I give her the money back, I'll have done the right thing. Even if she doesn't try to contact me.

Ladies, what would you do if a guy friend screwed you over 100 dollars, then 2 years later sent you a letter in the mail with the money that he owed you and an apology note attached to it?

I know it's the right thing to do. But I'm looking for a female perspective.

The last thing she ever said to me was, "I f'n hate you more than words can describe". So even if I send her the letter, without a return address, I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't open it and throws it away.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Send the money. Say your sorry. Don't expect to ever hear from her again.

    The ladies have it right. Saying you were impulsive and immature is letting you off to easy. I know that is harsh, but you were rude, disrespectful, mean and thoughtless. You are damn lucky she didn't call the cops.

    The least you can do is pay her back, and treat all women with respect. No matter how you feel towards them.

    I hope you have learned from this...

    • It's not harsh at all, it's the truth. I was being very disrespectful, a total a**hole, mean as f***, thoughtless, among other things. I'm not proud of it. I deeply regret what I did, and there's not a day goes by that I don't feel regret over it.

    • Show All
    • Send the money. Say you are sorry. Then move on. You don't spund like an a*shole, but that is all you can do. If anything happens, it would be her call. I wouldn't hold out any hope, but life is weird that way. Best of luck guy :)

    • Just saw added comment. Must admit, best roommates I have had,been chicks, nothing between us. I was neater, because they were. Good luck again...

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • You can kiss your chances of ever getting her friendship back. You ROYALLY blew it! And to act like you were so entitled to her body and her money...if it was me I would have let you have it. A knee in the balls and a slap across the face! I don't think she cares about the money at this point. Just do her a favor and leave her alone. She doesn't need to be reminded of what a jackass you were to her.

    • I never acted like I was entitled to anything from her, don't be presumptious. I bought her a lot of crap throughout our friendship and I was happy to do it too.

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    • And you're right, after all this time, there is a strong possibility that she could care less about the money now. If you were in her situation, how would you respond if you got a letter in the mail with an apology note and the money included? That's really what I was asking. Too bad you can't read between the lines.

    • I have Asperger's you jerk! It's no excuse, but that's why I'm not good at reading between the lines. So I'll quit judging you if you quit doing it to me.

  • you guys got back together but you were still angry, so you gave her present away to someone else-what?

    and what was the whole yo being angry with her after you attacked her?

    and why didn't you just drive her home?

    and what were you yelling at her about?

    i don't think id want to be around you period. all f that is extremely f***ed up.

    i as expecting you to stop at ;i pinned her down & wouldn't let her go'. I thought you were trying to apologize for that.

    you keep going going & going.

    I don't think you should contact her. maybe send her something with money an apology & a promise to stay far away from her.

    i can't imagine why she got back together with you.

    i jave a question. you keep saying it was a 'stupid ass thing to do'. as tho it just happened, without your consent.

    why did you think you had the 'tight' to treat anyone that way, at the time?

    it stops being 'impulsive' when you dint let her go, then refuse to drive her home. then yell. then keep yelling. then screw her over again.

    even if it was impulsive, that's not an excuse.

    were you thinking at all, to yourself while you were acting out? or could you not think?

    • We never got back together. She cut ties with me after I screwed her out of the money and present. I don't blame her at all.

      I never had the right to treat anybody like that. I was just being an impulsive, immature, a**hole for no reason at all.

  • I agree, it would be the right thing to do - give her the 100 $ back and attach an apology.

    I wouldn't expect her to reply, though, sounds like you've hurt her in a way that cannot be undone, I'm sorry.

    Do the right thing, learn from your past mistakes and move on! :)

    • Indeed. I just still feel guilty over the whole thing. Least I could do is pay her back and never talk to her again.

  • You f***ed up and now you have to suffer the repercussions. She clearly doesn't want anything to do with you and if you did it once, you'll probably do it again. Sorry to be so negative, but I hate selfish guys like you. Better luck next time buddy.

    • Don't be so presumptious and act like men are that thick headed. So you think having one bad experience makes a guy a total selfish prick? Good luck finding your own man if you have that attitude about all guys. I'm a very generous guy, especially to those who are close to me. I f***ed up, I learned my lesson, I never did it before and I'd never do it again. Asshole.

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    • Obviously I f***ed up pretty bad, it's something that I will deeply regret for the rest of my life. And it's something that I have to live with for the rest of my life. I have to deal with that.

    • And all you girls are right, I am a selfish prick that deserved to get my ass beat for what I did to her. Why else did it take me so long to pay her back? Because all I care about is myself.

  • Real would have got f***ed up by on the 10 o'clock night news before you even would have had the opportunity to give away my gift if that was me. You have a better chance of her not throwing the money away if you don't put a return address and don't expect to hear anything back. Because I sure would take the money and if it had a return had better have moved by the time it had reach me...smh at u!

    • Lol tough talk on the internet.

    • You do realize that with that type of attitude, unless you're all talk, you're going to end up in jail eventually. Hell, she had every right to call the cops on me that night, but she didn't because she obviously still cared about me. Why else would she forgive the loan that I owed her? It wasn't until after I refused to give her the present that she cut all ties with me.

  • Send her the money and an apology, it will make you feel better...

    However, if I were her, I would prob just send it back unopened with a note to "go to hell"

    • And honestly, that's exactly the type of woman she is. She doesn't tolerate sh*t from anybody, which is something I admired about her. If I did send her a letter, it wouldn't have a return address. But I am afraid that she'll throw it away too.

    • The last thing she ever said to me was "I f'n hate you more than words can describe"

What Guys Said 2

  • Weird that you said you were looking for a female perspective and the best answer you ended up choosing was from a guy. Very strange.

    You effed up. Yeah. That much is obvious. Do what you think is right. Don't let other people tell you what you already seem like you know you should do. I seriously doubt she's gonna ever talk to you again, but it's not her you have to worry about. It's you that you have to worry about. Make sure this kind of thing NEVER happens again with another girl. Change your mindset if you haven't already. You have two things on your side right now. Time. And patience.

    • How is it strange that out of all the responses I read, I felt like the most intelligent and rational response was from a man? Keep in mind that it never happened before, it hasn't happen again nor will it ever happen again.

    • Ultimately what I needed was a female perspective on whether or not I should send her the money or not. Why? Because I'm not sure if she still cares about the money and wants to be reminded of the experience. Or if she receives the money in the mail, keeps it and doesn't care? Or if she would look at the letter and money and think it was a classy thing to do?

      It's complicated.

  • Dude, what the heck is wrong with you? Were you drunk? You sound like Dr. Jekyll & Hyde.

    You say you love her, and yet you treat her like that?

    You got some kind of issue. That is for sure. Because you don't even know why you did those things to her, or at least you don't want to admit it.

    Maybe you need some anger management or something.

    The best thing you can do is try to get some help for yourself. Admitting you have a problem is the first step. What you did was irrational. There is never an excuse to be irrational.

    You want forgiveness, but you also need to make sure you deserve to be forgiven. Unless you can be absolutely sure that you'd never ever treat her (or any other woman) like that ever again, you don't deserve to be forgiven and she doesn't deserve to forgive you. You don't ever want to hurt her again, do you?

    When you know that you're a better man, send the money. You seem to have a better attitude right now, although it's hard to say whether that's for real or not. That's something she will judge if she considers forgiving you. Send the money with interest, and the most sincere apology you can muster.

    She might forgive you, although you need to concern yourself more with being worthy of forgiveness.

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