Why do people rather have incompatible relationships?

Why not be with someone more on your level instead of someone who is not really the type that you would usually go for?

Why have those "bad times with you than good times with someone else" type of relationships?

Like she could be really nice, innocent someone your parents will approve of or someone that would be more of the right choice for you, but yet you choose to be with someone who is not innocent & is not someone that is classy.

What I'm trying to say is why have a relationship where people look at you & be like she or he could've done better?

& how can you fall in love with someone that is not that compatible to your level? I mean wouldn't it be a turn off if like for example if you make a lot of money & the person that you are with is not doing anything with their life why would you even be interested in a person like that? Shouldn't you won't better?

Easier version of the question: Why choose a jerk or not-so-good girl over a nice girl & nice guy?
I'm sorry I just don't agree with the opposite attracts thing. Why not be with someone who is on your level? It's just odd to me that peeople would rather be with a slob than a nice gentlemen or a slutty girl than a nice classy girl.


Most Helpful Girl

  • To be really honest I am not sure & stuffs but I think here is an example with an answer at the end.

    Everything with my first [and last] boyfriend [??] seem really good and stuffs, then incompatibilities started happening that were no issues before.

    We talked a lot and he used complete sentences, then he started using small internet words.

    I compromised and dealt with it, after all, if I loved him, I would be understanding.

    We had a lot of common interests, especially pc games.

    Then he faded away completely from anything I remotely liked.

    I compromised & tried to be interested

    We had common ground and intellectually stimulating conversations.

    It faded into 'k' every lipped/signed responded

    I compromised, some men like simplicity.

    We both worked in the same field and enjoyed our jobs completely.

    Then he could not stand his or mine and left his job, completely depending on me.

    I supported him.

    We used to never argue and just understand each-other.

    But then he started moaning and harassing me for being deaf.

    Strike - Your out.

    We never used to ... stuffs.

    In the end I just gave up because he did a 360 from letting me be at his side to pushing me away for no reason I could understand. He never said anything against it when I told him I was leaving and left him my hard earned apartment, [but I did take my ps3, tv, bed, and computer].

    I do not know where/why the lacking comparability occurred suddenly but it really did.

    I guess the reason I wrote all this out is to just to example that: because the jerk-head has a great mask that they wear until they gets comfortable then the 'veil' fades and all that is left is the true them. Its not just one gender as much as I would wish to curse his gender. It wasn't all men, just him. But...it seems true to me.

    He needed more cookies growing up!


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • I don't think has to do with opposites attracts or the love of dysfunction, but more to with choosing to be with someone that they love. Love and emotional attachment can eliminate levels or leagues, but may encourage hope and tolerance, which is perhaps why they remain with someone that they are not compatible with.

  • So many people are growing up in dysfunctional environments that they cling to these types of relationships.

    Also most people are to dumb and are not educated on the idea of relationship compatibility. All they care about is, am I attracted to them. Only to have their relationship blow up 6 months later because they were never meant to be in the first place.

  • Because sometimes people see the inner beauty of the individual. It is really that simple. It is sad that we cannot open ourselves sometimes to find that inner beauty as well.


    "They say it's what's on the inside that counts. It's kind of hard to count when nobody can see your insides."

    A jerk or bad-girl have their moments when they are good people and it might not be apparent or in plain sight all the time. Much like the trailer for that movie, we are all different people at many different times, be it social, private, semi-private, public, work. If you don't try to get to know a person you don't -really- know if they are a jerk or not.

    I think this is somewhat a superficial question to be honest but I think what I wrote was what you were aiming for as a response?

    • Well you have a point there, but I still don't get it. How can you interested in something that's not really for you?

    • Show All
    • Yeah but shouldn't you already be a better person because you get into that relationship? I mean if you are ready to committ with someone than act like don't go cheat & lie.

    • Well that is something else altogether. Your question now has changed into, who do people cheat and should we expect certain people to be more likely to do it than others? That is not

  • you guys are all wrong! no one chooses who they're attracted to. it's not a choice. if a girl likes a slob, she likes a slob. she's not gonna rationalize why she likes him. same with guys. no one looks at a person with a checklist that lists qualities they like in a mate and if they do, they're probably sociopaths

    • You don't have to choose who to fall in love with, but you do have standards. Everybody has a preference rather it's in the way a person looks or the way a person acts.

  • Missery loves company!

  • People like a challenge and some love dysfunction.


What Girls Said 5

  • The whole point of dating is to see if you are compatible with the other person. And as for others thinking you could have done better. They aren't in the relationship. They don't see what you see in that person.

  • Sure you want someone you share certain interests or opinions with but the truth is that people who are too alike generally rub each other the wrong way.

    I think it's important that you each bring something to the relationship and have aspects of your personality that temper those of you significant other.

    E.g. Two stubborn people will always argue, two unconfrontational people will bury things and become dysfunctional etc

    Everyone has something to offer.

    • As for "good times that make the bad times worth it"thing I think to an extent that rule holds...everything can't be good all the time and sometimes arguements are necessary. In saying that if your being physically or psycologically abused nothing will make that worth it.

  • I've always clicked with the guys whom I have considered my 'type' and only once have broken the trend. I will never force attraction, but if it's there and the personality is good (maybe in a different way), I'm not going to stop liking a guy just because he's not the type I usually go for.

  • Low self-esteem, their enviroment, there are a lot of factors to that mystery

  • usually its attraction

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