I'm always surprising my boyfriend and initiating things; he isn't?

Today my boyfriend and I have been dating since four months.

I drew him a picture of us and posted it on his Facebook wall exactly at midnight but all he did was telling me via text that aww babe that means a lot to me. He didn't do anything like that for me - he just wished me happy 4 months this morning via text and that kinda was it. I just thought maybe he would do something nice like that too; surprise me. But he didn't. I always am the one who is doing thoughtful things in our relationship: caring for him and staying up the whole night when he is sick; buying him random things of which I know he likes them; treating him to dinner .. he does say he loves me and doesn't quite know how to show me because he's not good with emotions but I really feel sad a lot of times because I do random things to surprise him - post stuff on his Facebook or get up super early for him to text him good morning .. he never does things like that. Sometimes he doesn't text me fir over 12 hours or a whole day and then I worry but he always tells me that he just forgot to text me back because he was doing something else. I get that! but 12 hours? :( I recently spent $500 on him .. while I was his guest at his house in his hometown. I always treated him to lunch or dinner or bought him allergy meds .. I didn't realize I spent that much. When I told him he didn't seem to care at all and I just wonder what I am in for. I told him about all this; I let him know that I feel like I am always the one who is chasing after him and that it makes me feel hurt and stupid. I really love him. He sent me a super long apology and we talked things through but he doesn't seem to know what he is doing wrong. Maybe that's just who he is. I don't know what to do .. He cried and told me he's sorry but then he never does anything special .. I guess he really doesn't know how to show me? I just always have to tell him everything and feel super clingy and stupid when I do. But I do love him. He says he loves me too and wants us to work things out but he never really understands what he does wrong. When I am with him we do stuff together and everything but then he always

wants to play video games and I just sit next to him and study .. I don't know what to do. I really feel like I care more but he doesn't understand why I'm feeling hurt .. and I just always feel stupid then. Any advice?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Stop doing things for him, pay less attention. But first you've got to at least try and communicate your feelings and talk about what his deal is...

    • I did that.. a lot of times. but he just doesn't get it; he doesn't know what he's doing wrong. He alwats says that he doesn't know how to show me and he never thinks of cute ways to surprise me or anything. I pretty much gave up in trying to explain it to him. He doesn't get it.

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What Guys Said 1

  • What you have to do,

    Is look him straight in the eye

    Bitch slap him

    and say,

    "I'm your girlfriend, YOU have to take care of ME"

    Then walk away and leave him alone to think about what you said


What Girls Said 1

  • spell out exactly everything you do for him & give him suggestions of things he could do to express his feelings. maybe it will jumpstart things & he'll come up with stuff on his own.

    communicate to him how important to you those affectionate gestures are to you

    • I did :( I really did. Then he says he gets it you know and he tries by texting me more .. but then a week later he falls back into his old routine :( I just want to feel loved, get random texts that spell out that he's thinking about me or missing me .. but he only does when I tell him first. And then he always says he's sorry but he's not good with emotions. It's frustrating. I don't wanna change him but I always have to tell him. He doesn't pick up on little cues :(

    • it sounds like he's not going to change unless he thinks he's going to lose you. I hate to say it but I think you're going to have to give him an ultimatum. if he truly does care about you he'll try harder. if he doesn't, then he's not the guy for you. it sucks...but its not a relationship if you're unhappy. you can wish for things to be different all you want but that doesn't change the facts.

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