He tells me cute sweet things and tells me I'm beautiful. He kisses my hand, sings to me, randomly dance with me, kisses my forehead.. in other words he really romantic. I like all that but I'm confused I don't really know if I like HIM. Sometimes I find him annoying like he acts goofy for too long and then he smokes weed and is CONSTANTLY talking about weed.
When he 1st asked me out he said it was a "not date" and on our last date he told me that h told his sister he had a date and I corrected him that we were on a "not date." Also on our last date I told him how long his eye lashes were and he said "Yours are long too, can you imagine how long our kids are going to be?"
When he said that it kind of scared me cause it shows that he's actually thinking about a future with me. Also he has told me that I'm different that most girls he knows and how he feels safe with me and that he actually sees himself in a relationship with me.
The problem is that I don't know if I actually want to have a relationship with him. I've never had a boyfriend and I guess I'm scared or something. I also feel bad cause I am sometimes cold with him I don't express what I feel to him like he does to me and I'm not physical with him. Like he's always the one who hugs me, kisses me, holds my hand, and all that. I just go along with it but I have never initiated anything. Also sometimes when he asks to hang out I make something up because well I just don't want to see him but then later on regret it because I want to see him.
I seriously don't know what I should do. I don't want to keep leading him on but I also don't want to stop seeing him. I know this sounds stupid and confusing but that's how I feel and it sucks. I'm 18 I've never had a boyfriend and he's 19 and he has had many gf's. I just feel like I've built a wall and I'm not letting him in. I'm not letting him get to know the real me. Any help?