Convinced herself that she was never actually happy & that I'll never change?

First dated my ex when I was 24 and she was 20. We became really close. However things ended because I didn't want a relationship. Year later she ended another relationship cause of feelings she still had for me. Couple months after ending things, she texted me & we started talking/hanging out. Only this time we became even CLOSER and built a very good relationship and fell in love. The last couple months of that 2 year relationship I became unemployed and very depressed. Which lead to a month full of scattered arguments. Then after one argument she ending things in a flash& ran in the other direction, right into two separate relationships in less then a year. The last of those two relationship lasted about 5 months, ending it because of feelings she still had for me. We got back together AGAIN and it was even MORE AMAZING, EVERYTHING was completely perfect. We had talked about our last break-ups and she promised she would never run away again and said that because we loved each other so much, we would work out any problems. I also said that if I became unemployed again, I would try not to get so down & depressed. For the first 6.5 months there were no problems, everything was perfect. We were incredibly happy. She constantly sent emails & texts telling me how happy I made her, how much she loved me & how lucky she was to have me in her life. Well about 6.5 months into it and I again became unemployed & after countless job rejections depression set in. I stupidly refused to believe being jobless was effecting me in that way, again. To try & cheer me up she would buy me gifts & would also pay for dinner and nights out. The gifts helped for a short period of time, but ultimately made my depression worse. The last couple months she put a lot into the relationship and I just sat & felt sorry for myself. Seemingly she held all her frustrations in, until one little argument lead to her exploding & saying she was tired of putting all the effort in & trying to lift me out of depression. We agreed to take a break so I could focus on myself & seek some help for my depression. We also agreed that when I was myself & wasn't depressed that everything was GREAT, which it WAS. But I felt like she was going to eventually leave & was emotional wreak. I pleaded for her not to leave, I pushed and pushed & the"Break" only lasted a weekend. Said after some more thought, she decided things needed to end. Said she was unhappy and felt I would never change. I asked if she liked someone else, her reply was- she wasn't with anyone & was happy the way she was. But at same time was posting pictures on internet of her and another guy. Out of frustration, I said some things that really hurt her & in response, she said she was NEVER happy & was never going to contact me again & told me to not text or email her anymore. Its like she has slowly convinced herself that she was never actually happy & that I'll never change, just to justify her actions of running away again.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I understand you being depressed over not having a job. Men's identities are closely tied to their job/career and being able to provide, more than many women realize.

    BUT... your actions will always have consequences, and by letting yourself get depressed around her, and by arguing with her and pushing her, you have pushed her away, and you're going to have to take responsibility for that and accept it. You had more than one "second chance" with her, and that's more than most people ever get, but when you go right back to the same patterns of behavior that broke you up before, you can't be surprised when it happens again.

    This is a hard lesson, so hopefully you'll learn it well and not repeat the mistake with the next girl.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I think you need to get yourself together first. Since unemployment is the core reason as to why you're depressed, get that taken care of. It may not be the job you want, but hold on to it while looking for something better.

    As for the your ex, I'd give her a lot of space. If it's meant to be, it will happen but not right now. If you keep trying to talk to her while you're still depressed it will make the situation worse.


What Guys Said 2

  • Regardless of right of wrong, two break ups are usually too much to overcome. Too many hurt feelings, and too much pride to swallow, too many words to take back...

    Work on yourself and your depression, which you know, seems JUSTIFIED...and find someone willing to stand by you in tough times!

  • that's a tough story to take.. women can be confusing sometimes like what this article says link but it sounds like you're doing fine. Follow your heart and everything will fall into place


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