TBH, I have my own theories on this one, that I might blog about. But think about the introduction and dating process.
-The man is still often expected to make the move or else he's a coward. Women rarely ever make a move.
-A man paying for a meal is still a deal-breaker for many women. If he doesn't pay for her, he's cheap. But she isn't cheap even though she isn't willing to pay for her OWN meal.
-It seems much of the basis is on the man proving his value, earning his worth, climbing up the ladder to earn her company. It runs on the presumption that she's already perfect. (Probably because he made the move? He's expected to.)
-The main discussion about relationships seems to be men talking about what they can do to earn a woman's presence, and women asking each other "is he even good enough for you?"
-"I don't deserve this treatment" is something I almost only hear from women. The equivalent for most guys is "what did I do to make her upset? How can I make up?"
-Sex, in general, is treated as though it's a gracious sacrificial favor by the woman that the man must strive for. It's treated as though women don't want it, and are only annoyed by men's desire for it.
Much of these ideas, like the dating expectations, are considered outdated or nuts in other countries:
-When you pay for yourselves, like normal adults, there's a reason it's called "going dutch".
-In Scandinavia, men and women are expected to make a move on those they're interested in. In fact, they say it's easy to find an American woman, because she's the one expecting to be approached.
-In Sweden, a usual first date consists of going to a coffee shop and chatting, (going dutch along the way). If someone suggests a nice dinner, they're likely to be turned down. It's too formal and elaborate. If the man pays, it's almost uncomfortable and suspicious. Sex usually happens after the first or second date.
Yet, we seem to stick to these ideals.
Why do you think this is?
To me, it comes down to this: We are scared of sex in the USA, and we act like women are asexual. This turns getting a date into a business deal for women, and a fight for love and respect for men. It makes men's libidos normal, and women's libidos so low that men have to fight and struggle just to get the attention of the one girl who actually wants it. It's sexist against men and women.
As I've stated before: We're a bunch of Bonobos who are trying to act like Chimps.
In the other countries I mentioned, women's libidos are more expressed and acted upon. In fact, the average age of losing virginity in the US is something like 17-20. In Iceland, for example, it's 13. Women show they want sex as much as men, and men's sexuality isn't considered annoying, creepy, and perverted. As a result, there is a lot more sex, less frustration, and even less violence. The expectations evened out.
(I know I'm answering my own question, but I want your take.)
What is your view on the American standards of dating?
Most Helpful Guy
I agree completely. One of my most enjoyable relationships was one in which the girl approached me, asked me for my number, was never shy about voicing her desires, and always refused to let me buy her things. It was so much more enjoyable because we were pursuing each other, not just me pursuing her.
I didn't feel like I was standing in front of a firing squad waiting for her to give the order to fire.2