Don't know how to ask about my relationship's future

I'm scared because, I guess like everyone else, I don't know what the future holds for my relationship.

my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and it's been a rough year, but so far we've made it through. however, I know that this next year will be easier (I hope) because he's going to be living in the same town going to grad school. but after that he'll be going to med school (hopefully) but I don't think he's going to have much of a choice of where to go in terms of getting into a lot of places.

I'm not able to follow him to med school, especially without an engagement ring or being married. it's too much of a risk.

i want to be with him in the future, and get married, and sometimes it comes up, but he always says that he doesn't know what the future holds...which is true...but you can have SOME idea of WHERE you want it to go.

i want to bring up the marriage issue...more so the engagement issue, because I would prefer a longer engagement (2 or so yrs) but how can I do it without getting the same response of "i don't know what the future holds"?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm kinda having the same problem with my boyfriend. Things between us have been going well, we are very similar, don't fight often, if at all, but like you I am wondering what the future is going to bring. My boyfriend is trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life-I have graduated college and have already started my career. Now my career is flexible, I can find work pretty much anywhere in my country. But I don't know if his future plans include me. It's been something that is always at the back of my mind. Me and my boyfriend will have been together for 2 years come January, so I think it's time that we have this conversation soon.

    What I am planning on doing is working up the courage to just talk to him about it. This is the only way to get the answers you want. Trying to casually bring it up is not going to work. He will either not understand what you are trying to say and miss the point entirely or you will get frustrated trying to make him understand. Asking him directly allows all the cards to be on the table.

    Best thing to do is be straightforward about it. Sit him down and say that you know some changes are coming up in his life and you want to talk about the future. Yes this is going to make him uncomfortable, especially if he doesn't think he wants to continue with you. However, this is the best time to ask. Otherwise you will spend more of your time with someone who never plans on spending the future with you. Find out now instead of wasting time.

    Ask for a timeline, but don't ask him for an engagement just yet, let him bring this up. A timeline is something I think will help you both understand where you both stand. Know what you are comfortable with. Sit down and think about where you want to see yourself in a year, 5 years, 10 years and so on. Obviously be flexible to a point, but know what your absolute latest timeline would be for getting married.

    I think asking upfront for an engagement is going to put him off. But asking for a timeline is more than fair. You two have been together long enough.

    This kind of talk is always hard to do, so do it when you are both relaxed. Speak in a calm manor and don't get upset if what he says is not what you want to hear. This just means you need to take some time to think about what your next steps are going to be and then react. Getting angry at him when he is having an honest conversation with you will only make him close up and pull away.

    Tell him you love him and that you want your future to include you and you hope that his future includes you. But let him know that you are not trying to push him into anything you are just trying to figure out where things are headed.

    • thanks for the help! I hope all goes well with your talk with your boyfriend too!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Ask him to marry you.

    • while that does seem like a simple and easy solution, it's not one that my family would approve of. they're VERY traditional, and my dad expects to be asked for my hand in marriage. and with the way I've been brought up, I could NEVER ask a guy to marry me. like I said, I don't want to get married NOW, I just want to know if he has any intentions of asking me to marry him in the future (and even if he did ask as I mentioned, I'd want a longer engagement to save money etc. for a wedding)

    • Well then instead of asking him what he has planned, sit down and plan together for a while.

  • You've just got to bring it up when you two are relaxed and comfortable. Don't worry about his possible responses, just ask.


What Girls Said 2

  • well he doesn't know. no one does. ihs security of a rung, is just an illusion. he could die, you could die. the wrld could blow up. one f you could go into a coma. have a mental breakdown.

    if you want to get married, just ask him. instead of playing silly games. you know what you want. yet you're trying to get him to magically divine what you want, or for him, to personally, want the same thing, just so he can ask u, fir what you already know, you already want. just be an adult. & ask.

  • so, you're going to put your life on old& let other people make decisions for u, because your family is traditional. what does that have to do with _your life? you're an adult.


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