Is being too "good" a turn-off?

So, I've been on a few dates here and there, but it never ends up going anywhere and I fear it may be because I'm so inexperienced. I've never been kissed, never had a boyfriend, don't curse, never had sex (and don't intend to until I'm married due to me being a Christian).

I get the feeling that because I'm 21 and haven't done a lot of things that people my age have already done, guys get the idea that I'm too much of a goodie goodie or prudish to even bother perusing. Which sucks, because I feel like they don't even try to get to really know me before writing me off.

It's not that I don't want to do certain things (Trust me, I REALLY DO haha). It's just that I have certain standards and beliefs that I feel are important when it comes to dating. For example, the last guy I dated wanted to eat me out after knowing him for exactly one week...Of course, I said no, it was too early for that. And he got frustrated and stopped talking to me. Is that normal/acceptable? If so, then yeah, maybe my standards are just way too high and I'll be alone forever. XD

I really see myself as just a lady with class...but I feel like guys see me more as a girl who never has fun under any circumstances, locks herself in her room with her bible, gets offended by anything and everything having to do with sex, and says prayers 24/7. Which is not accurate at all haha.

Any input on this? Thanks!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Not a turn off at all! considering the rarity of that nowadays, it makes you all the more admirable for choosing to keep to your core values, don't change it! :). You aren't applying for a job, don't worry about it, most guys won't care about the experience you have. For many I think it'd be a turn on to be the first.

    The trick is to find a guy who shared similar values to you, don't bother trying to pursue a guy who only wants you for sex, don't undercut yourself. At least you'll be able to understand their character and if they're worth being with in the long term if they're pushy with trying to get in your knickers, keep yoru standards. you should try to pursue a christian guy who'll be able to udnerstand you and support you.

    seriously don't change! :D

    • Thank you so much for your support! I wasn't planning on changing anytime soon, I'm pretty headstrong when it comes to my values. Good to know I'm not the only one out there. :)

    • you deserve the respect you should be given! stay strong :D far too many people bend their values to fit in with others perceived expectations of them. its good to see someone like you

    • :P

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • You can take anything too far. If a girl doesn't even want to kiss me I will think that she doesn't like me. So that would be a problem for me. A guy needs to know that you do like him and find him desirable. I mean you wouldn't feel desirable if a guy never tried to kiss you, or even let you kiss him when you tried to. You would just think that he didn't like you.

    As far as not having sex or doing other sexual stuff until marriage, that wouldn't be much of a problem for me, but it will be for most people.

  • I applaud your stance, don't ever compromise! Simply find like-minded guys, they are out there, I've met some personally. They feel the same as you and simply brush off the attacks when they are hounded for standing on their principles.

    • Thanks for the applause! Haha :) I'll keep my eyes peeled for the kind of guy that will be on the same page as me. It'll be a tough search, but I'm up to the challenge. :p

  • Its acceptable for you to not want sex, and its acceptable for guys to want sex, and find someone else who does.

    The pool of guys who in their mid 20's are looking for a relationship without a physical side is very small.

    Are you actually looking for that?

    Or are you actually looking for a husband?

    • I'm not saying I don't want a physical side, I actually really really do. Just not sex (yet). I realize it would be unfair to say to the guy "Hands off, buddy. You're not doing ANYTHING until marriage". That's not what I want at all. And yes, I would like a husband eventually...but I'm not actively looking for the man I'll marry today. Just a guy who actually wants a meaningful relationship and respects my beliefs. :)

  • no, I actually would love to find someone who sounds like this, most people are the opposite...


What Girls Said 2

  • There are a lot of Christian guys out there who feel the same way you do. Just date guys who share your beliefs and they will respect you.

    Even if you were a girl with plenty of experience, it's your right to decide when you want to get intimate, and no guy should ever pressure you, so don't feel like you are a turnoff, just find guys who appreciate you for who you are.

  • Kudos to you! I think you jut need to look for a boy that has integrity equal to you. I had a boyfriend two years and have three boys interested right now but I don't let anyone touch me inappropriately and I am also chaste like you. These boys are similar in my standards and respect me. Look for a bit just as classy as you!

    • Three guys with similar standards and respect towards you? I need to move to wherever you are. :p Thanks for the advice! :)

    • No problem! Well I am Mormon and live in Utah so... Hahaha good luck, you're a sweet girl someone great will notice that one day and not wanna let you go!