When should I talk to her again, and how?

I'm friends with a girl, but very confused about the nature of our relationship. We've technically known each other for about 5-6 years, but we were only casual acquaintances, never really saying more than a few sentences to each other during the few times we'd run into one another. Over a year or so however, we've grown very close and talk to each other all the time, though she currently lives in another state.

I am quite attracted to her and would frequently flirt with her. She would in turn return my flirting, and do things like joke about us getting married, and telling me we should spend as much time as we can together alone when she returns to our hometown for a visit. We have our own unique nicknames for each other, and she also tried to convince me to move up to Colorado to be closer to her. I should also mention that she would do this while she has a boyfriend, but their relationship seems to be breaking apart as she mentioned to me they chose to break up, though they are still rooming together.

I was quite convinced she was interested in me based upon the evidence, but one night about a week ago I texted her one of my usual flirtatious texts and she responding by laughing and then asking me if I knew we were just friends. I said that I did know we were just friends right now. (though I tried to keep it ambiguous, because I planned on revealing my feelings to her when she returns to our hometown in a month or so, when I could see her face to face).

Since then we haven't spoke. After that I decided I should try to distance myself somewhat, because I didn't want to come off as needy. I'm not just hoping she'll start to miss me, but also for my own benefit, as being a little more distant might make it easier to manage if she rejects me. It's already been a week, but I just don't know how to proceed. Should I keep from trying to contact her for another week, 2 weeks? I'm hoping she'll try to get in touch with me if she truly values me, otherwise I feel like I'm having to do all the work in maintaining this relationship. She seems like she's never on Facebook for me to talk to anymore though we used to I'm all the time, though she was returning almost all of my text messages up until the event I described. Maybe she's just busy or something, but I'm worried she doesn't really value me for me and is just using me for her own ego. Even if she does like me as a friend, what about the flirting and such? What was that about? I'm getting very mixed messages and I'm very confused and frustrated. If anyone has any advice on when I should try reaching out to her again or what I should say, it would be most appreciated.


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What Girls Said 1

  • As difficult as it may sound and will probably feel, you should probably 'keep your distance' for another two weeks, after which you could shoot her a casual text like 'hey stranger, it's been a while', etc.

    If she doesn't get in contact with you till then, that's weird but perhaps she's just taking it slow considering she's potentially fresh out of a relationship, and so it being more cautious than usual now.


What Guys Said 1

  • Sorry to tell you man, but I think you should let her go. She currently has a boyfriend and has clearly stated that you're just a friend, nothing more. Even if she'd break up with him, do you really want to be second choice!? In one word: rebound

    Judging from your description, you're not able to separate the humour from the flirting (getting married, moving out,...). Maybe it's your hormones that prevent you from being rational about it, but if you continue going down this road, your feelings for her will definitely compromise your future friendship with her.

    I'm given the impression that your text message gave her an awkward feeling; that could be the reason why the contact has diminished.

    My advice: Distance yourself from her a bit and start seeing her as a friend again. Then you could contact her again. But remember your place.

    Don't even think about apologising or even start talking about the text message. Just pick up where the two of you left off give her your cool, friendly and funny approach that she is used to!