Am I being too harsh on my boyfriend? PLEASE HELP

Me- "hey I just wanted to know if we're going to be able to meet halfway on this traveling/time issue we have. I want to know where we stand, baby, because it's important to me, and you are too. call or text when you get a chance."

he said "i honestly don't think I will be able to until you get back into town. I'm working 8-10 hour days and school on the others, so my weekend consists of me sleeping and sitting around recuperating"

so, I just said "okay, well, I've tried to work with you a few times on this for a few months now, and it seems like this is at a dead end, so I'm just going to keep on with my own engagements."

he just said "okay"

i sent him pics of my fashion show I did and a concert I went to and he said things like "cuteyy" and "lol" ... nothing really. yesterday we didn't talk. today I missed him and couldn't take it anymore, and I called him. I asked him if he remembered what I said a few days ago and he said yes, I'm coming in to town and he was going to make plans with me on Saturday. I asked if he remembered the other thing, he said yes, and nothing else. I talked about how it doesn't seem like he can work with me on this and I'm at witts end when all I want is him because I need him. I just want to be included because I try to include him when I can and we don't communicate etc. and he said NOTHING. I told him to say something and he said no, he wasn't going to get angry, and he will see me Saturday. he said I've been picking fights for weeks now but he hasn't said anything because he thought that's what I wanted and I said no. I just said I've been trying so hard to make this work and it doesn't seem like he can work with me and I feel resentful for my efforts. and he was REALLY mad. he did not want to talk about it at all and said "goodnight, I'll talk to you tomorrow baby. I will see you Saturday". Why was he mad? he texted me today and asked how my hair was doing and jokingly said its good to chill, and was being sweet.

is there a way I can convey my feelings without being hurtful or something, or am I right to stand up for myself?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't look at the WHAT (you not seeing him as much as you would like) but rather the WHY.

    WHY is he not seeing/hanging out with you as much as you like? Because he works up to 10 hours a day and is in school (classes, studying, homework etc.) This already puts a lot of stress on him + a girlfriend who wants to see him all the time. Not to mention you two don't sound like you live that close to each other.

    I know its hard, I'm a full time nursing student + I work 20 hours + volunteer + many other things and seeing my boyfriend is very hard and we are a 10 minute walk away.

    He got angry when you said "I talked about how it doesn't seem like he can work with me on this and I'm at witts end when all I want is him because I need him" that's because it upset him. He is trying to see you (example coming to visit you on Saturday) and he is with you.

    If he really did not want to see you he wouldn't even bother with this and would probably walk away because of how much he has on his plate (work +school) and he is always tired and needs the weekend to catch up on sleep.

    Sounds like he cares about you a lot and in his way is trying but he isn't trying to the poin that you want him to.

    You want more and he can't offer you more. Relationships are partly about compromises. This is time for one of them.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds like he wants this conversation to wait until you're face to face and he has the time to devote to it, be patient.

  • Being too harsh? Not at all.


What Girls Said 2

  • the man works 8-10 hours and goes to school. he's realistic, he doesn't have time to be running over to where you are every day. He probably barely has the strength to call and talk with you on the phone. The truth is you've got to negotiate this situation and NOT him. He's wiling to try with you on weekends, that is his half-way. You're pushing him for a decision YOU need to make.

    You need to say, "Realistically, my boyfriend is really busy and tired after work and school. He is only able to spare some weekends while he works toward his goal. I on the other hand want to see him often and talk to him as much as possible. Given these facts, I must decide if I am willing to accept things as they are until he is out of school or I am not willing to wait, and I want someone to be with me right now all of the time and I am willing to give up this relationship to have that in my life."

    This is not your boyfriend's fault. He is not to blame for trying to make something of himself and hoping to have an understanding girlfriend too. And you are not to blame for wanting a boyfriend to spend more time with. This is a case of making a decision. He is capable of accepting things as they are. Are you? It appears, the dissenter in this equation is YOU. So if YOU don't like it, it is up to YOU to leave and get what you want.

    My advice: stop harrassing him about it. Just make a decision to leave or accept things as they are and wait until he's gotten out of school.

    good luck!

  • No, you weren't being too harsh. You were telling him what you needed in the relationship in an honest, non-attacking manner.

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