I'm 24 and I have Asperger Syndrome, High-Functioning Autism, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin

Should I just completely give up on women completely?

I feel I'm never gonna get better socially no matter how hard I try to improve myself, no matter how many times I step out of my comfort-zone, another reason that is really making me feel like giving up is because of 2 bad experiences happening lately, I got lead on by 2 girls on Plentyoffish in the past week, it really angers me, pisses me off when that happens, this is how I see, view it:

Getting rejected by a girl is one-thing, getting teased and lead on is another, I hate it when girls make me think I have a chance with them and then they deny my further advances, the advances that would lead up to a first date, or a second date, I'm mature enough to realize and accept that the world, life, society owes me nothing, that I am not entitled to anything, but I would rather get denied something, get rejected for something instantly immediately right away!, if a girl is not interested in me, I wish she would be honest, clear with me right from the start!, don't play any mind games with me, I don't want to have my time wasted like that!, Like the first girl on Plentyoffish, we talked for almost a week, we spoke on the phone and texted each other, we were planning to meet-each other, she was okay with that, she even said "I hope we get to meet up before I go back to school", and then the last message, she said to me "I only see us as acquaintances, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings or got your hopes up too high" and then she blocked me on that site.

The next time, a girl messages me first on that site, we were getting along just fine just messaging each other on there, and then all of a sudden she stops responding to my messages, like I even asked if her wanted to meet up sometime and said Yes, that was the last thing she ever responded to.

I obviously did not ask her that in my first response to her, we were talking and asking questions getting to know each other first.

I hate how people always say "well that girl was not the only girl around, the world is full of girls, keep in mind that girl isn't the only one around, HELL just look around, you'll notice that there are a lot of girls around, and I'm sure one that is better then the one that turned you down, I have another little secret for you - there's more than one girl out there. It's shocking news, I know, but there's hundreds, maybe even THOUSANDS of women that live right in your hometown. If you include every place within driving distance, that number might even be tens of thousands. So don't get wrapped up in one girl that isn't interested in you. It's a huge confidence boost when you remind yourself that she's missing out on a great thing, and you move on and find someone that appreciates you for you, you have ALL the power to move on and find someone else, if the girl doesn't see what she's missing out on. Her loss, mate."

Well it's hard to move on when you don't have any past success with girls. I've thought about suicide before
Like I said, if a girl is not interested in me, why can't she just reject me instantly, right away in the beginning, the start? why do girls lead guys on like that? or why do girls change their minds so often when being attracted, when being interested in a guy? Seriously, it's very tough for me to move on, on how people say you just haven't met the right one yet, well I want to meet the right one instantly!, as soon as possible!, unfortuneately the world, life doesn't work like that
It's not that those girls rejected me, it's how they did it!
it's just so damn hard to start believing in myself, it's very hard to get the motivation, determination to do so


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have Asperger's also so I know how difficult it can be sometimes, I'm not in too different of a situation. What I've found has worked best for me is to focus on improving myself as much as possible. I have taken up many new hobbies, undergone academic/professional training to get my career where I want it to be, and gone to therapy to work on my social skills. I've found that once I open up to people and show them who I am as a person, they are much more forgiving if I don't exactly possess the highest social graces. Even though many times it may seem like things will never get better, I assure you that things can always improve, no matter how bad they may seem. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of hard work and determination ;)

    Also, and I mean no offense by this comment, but it sounds as though you are somewhat desperate and angry. One thing I have learned is that when you act desperate, it shows and people are turned off by it. I'm not saying by any means to stop looking, but I am saying that you should perhaps put your focus into other areas of your life, and make romance a secondary rather than a primary goal for the time being.

    • why is being desperate so unattractive? why are people so repulsed by it? and what other areas of my life should I focus on?

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What Girls Said 3

  • Well in regards to your initial question - My boyfriend has Aspergers and it didn't deter me from dating him.

    But it sounds like you're completely beyond that point and what you're really concerned with is the "so many fish in the sea" argument. What else can someone say? It's the truth even if it doesn't make you feel any better. You can be a great "catch" and still be a victim to luck to some extent.

    As for being angry about being "led on"... People change their minds about people. They find out they're not compatible or they don't become as attracted as they think they will or there's not great chemistry or maybe they just get impatient, etc. That's life. People don't reject someone if they think there might be a chance that they'll like them, because "like" doesn't happen immediately for a lot of people. That's the point of getting to know someone.

    You thought about suicide because you don't have a girlfriend? I don't want to sound like I'm belittling your frustration but why is that the most important thing in life?

    • yeah well girls seem to change their mind faster than guys do, yes I've thought about suicide because I've never had a girlfriend and can't get one

    • Show All
    • Oh not you again. I'd be saying the SAME things if this question was asked by a girl.

    • i agree with him, but guys have to focus on other areas in their life if they want to land a relationship, girls not so much

  • Girls are complicated you must agree with me.

    We don't reject you because deep inside We want you to surprise us being a nice guy. A guy that we can talk, have fun and maybe something else. Do not rush anything and give up on love, a life without LOVE is a waste of emotions.

    The world that We live is so selfish and rude, I know that beauty is importante but isn't everything. So just relax, put yourself in intersting stuffs that you like, and I would say TRY NEW STUFFS like... like... dancing class, like sports, runing.

    Life is good, and We don't need anybody to be complete, so...

    • how will trying new stuff help me specifically?

    • Try new activities like dancing class, runing, going to sport class like Tenis, Soccer etc

    • It will help you to meet people and learn more about life, about yourself. Why because happiness just exist when We share with people, so doing things with people will give oportunity to be happy. :)

  • "if a girl is not interested in me, I wish she would be honest, clear with me right from the start!, don't play any mind games with me, I don't want to have my time wasted like that!, "

    I completely agree. A lot of guys do this too. I think some do it for the ego boost, or they aren't upfront with you if they change their minds, find someone else, etc. The girls who were talking to you were duds. Don't take what they did personally, as they are probably doing it to other guys as we speak.

    Keep trying and good luck!

    • In response to the update, I completely agree. It's not how a person feels, it's the insincerity of a person's actions that are wrong and upsetting.

What Guys Said 2

  • i know right? I hate how girls change their minds so easily!

  • I know people with Aspergers who are happily married. So I know that's no impediment to a determined person.

    However, I also know you've posted this question... pretty much continuously for a while, so I wonder if you don't have some other OCD type problem on top of everything else.

    Because you've gotten advice before. And yet it seems what you really want is a group of strangers permission to just give up on life.

    • well maybe their level of asperger's is not so severe

    • Right. Because no one could possibly be as severe and your case, and be happy. No, that'd be impossible.

      Give over.

      I see you left all reference to your possible OCD issues out of it...

    • yeah I could possibly have that but have not been officially diagnosed

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