How and why does this happen?

A four year relationship between myself and the first love of my life ended roughly a week ago. As a person she has almost no flaws; she is caring, supporting, loving, intelligent, affectionate, selfless and the list could go on.

Despite this, we seemed to have grown apart. At first, I thought it was myself. I found myself becoming increasingly attracted to another girl, whom I will not speak of. My ex-girlfriend assures me that this is something that was not only happening to me, and that she too was noticing attractions to other guys, but more so that she wanted to date around.

She and I have always been very open, discussing anything and everything with one another because she and I valued the truth and openness as a key to a healthy relationship. As the above issue became a bit more serious for us, we, as is suggested by the previous statement, sat down and had a talk about what we could do. We decided that breaking up was the best idea, but after a day and some second thoughts we tried to give it one more go. A week later, we decided that there was just nothing we could do at this time and broke up, though, we did decide to remain friends. This brings everything up to real-time.

She and I cannot find any flaws with one another. In four years we never have had a serious argument; maybe some bickering here and there about silly things, but nothing more. Neither of us have ever raised our voices at one another, said a negative thing; we have always been supportive. We have no complaints, but both feel this is what has to be done.

I can say without a doubt that the love I feel for her is real, and she the same for me, but I just do not understand how we grew apart. I have grown with her and she has grown with me. We shared so many firsts.

I thought that cliche situations like this only happened in movies, but here I am, spending my last day with her before I head back to college and won't see her or her family for who knows how long.

In short, this hurts but feels refreshing at the same time. I don't know what to do; I don't know how to feel. I understand the importance of letting go but it seems so strange to break off such an awesome relationship with such an awesome person, but I know that this is what must be done. I love her and her family..

Anyway, I will end this here.. Looking forward to hearing your responses.

If it helps, we're juniors in college and have been dating since high school.


Most Helpful Guy

  • What abbyRose said.. You will sooner or later miss her.. Love.. Is a strange game. I was once in the SAME exact position as yourself. I Had a strong break up with my girlfriend (Whom we're in a 6 year relationship right now) And we broke up for about. 6-7 months. Iv dated several girls.. all of which did not meet my relationship par.. as much as my girlfriend did. You will notice that.. as you progress.. the girls you'll date will slowly disappoint you, or not understand some of the jokes you said that your ex truly loved. And then you'll see that... Sure your love is fading between you and your ex.. But it's the simple things that Light that fire back on ... even if it's for a day.. Because you two are something special, You two are together, it's you and her against the world.. You know you love her and that's all you need to know. Not why are why aren't you feeling the original spice.. You've gotten used to her, that's understandable.. it happens.. What can you do to make her day special.. And you'll see the same results back as she smiles more and more when she see's you.

    I'v been threw this same situation ^^ If you do decide to stay away from each other for awhile, you'll understand. Best of luck, time is a virtue.


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What Girls Said 2

  • i think maybe a break will be a good thing, it'll give you a chance to really miss having each other and a chance to decide what you really want!

  • I think there is no logical explanation. People change and every single relationship has a due date (from my point of view).

    I'm in the exact same situation. I have to talk things with my boyfriend (with whom I've been for more than 4 years), as I'm the one having the feeling of growing apart.

    Despite having a good relationship with my soon to be ex (no fights, no arguments, etc), I also realized that we had a lack of passion. Our relationship was based on routines.

    And though I know I might never find someone who loves and cares about me the way he does, a relationship like this is not healthy.

    Ps, I started thinking about all this the moment I started to feel attracted towards other guys, and it's been a year since.


What Guys Said 2

  • You'll learn and grow from this experience.

  • I recently went throught something similar. Same relationship style. No arguing loud voices or arguments.

    Here are my comments: first off itll be hard to find a woman like that again...

    After 4-6 years relationships get stale and that is what happened. Myself I didn't mind so much butneither of us did anything about it and it just continued.

    that being said I am in a much better situation now that we have split. But I do miss how easy the relatioship was simply becuaese of the lack of disagreements.

    • i would like to disagree when you say: " first off itll be hard to find a woman like that again..." because everyone is different.

      he might not find someone like her but someone better o just different who will fit his whatever he wants on a partner at that time in his life.

      People change, and what we wanted 4 years ago that made us want to be with that person nowadays can be completely different, if the couple hasn't grown together.