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I am completely madly in love with my first love! Please help me stop from crying!

Hi everybody! My heart is really aching and I'm going trough some serious sh*t. I'm 21 years old, and this is the story of my first true love.

So, there is this classmate I had a secret crush on for about 6months. I always saw her flirting with other boys, so I tried to get close to her by becoming her friend. We became like best friends, she was totally awesome beyond my dreams. Last spring she started to flirt with me more seriously, but only after a couple of drinks one night on the way home from the nightclub she grabbed my hand and I was in love, but didn't take it any further since we were in a group of friends.

In sober state we would also flirt a LOT by glances and smiles.

So I asked her out for lunch, she agreed. It went well. Nothing happened. Next date we spent at her place. Nothing happened once again. I couldn't tell her about my feelings cause I was scared to being turned down. One time she had already turned down a hug from me. - I was terrified it would happen again. But I told her how I felt. She told me she also felt something and we were having "Ups and downs" but we could try. So we kissed.

Next date was as if we were back on square one. I bought her flowers and got a kiss. After that kiss I felt as if she tried to take distance from me although we went on some more dates.

Summer was coming and I asked where we stood. She answered she didn't know what she wanted. I was heartbroken. The day after she chatted on me as if nothing happened. I moved away for the summer and wrote a love letter.

We then had no contact for about a week and then I came to town, we went on a date and she totally dumped me and stated she wanted me as her best friend and that we maybe could try again after summer, but just then there was nothing she could do.

I asked her if she ever had any feelings for me and she answered she didn't know and that she could not control herself when drunk. Although we shared most of our moments sober.

I then cried for a month. It eventually got a little better. Now three months have passed since the break-up. We had no contact for the summer. Today school started and since she is my classmate we have to see every single day. It was really hard I was close to crying during class. She was really nice to me but there was some serious tension between the two of us and we avoided each other.

Now I feel like I'm back at square one in trying to get over her. I love her. She is kind lonely and I want to be there for her. I really really really love her. She is the best thing ever. But I don't know if I'm able to move on in that case. I started feeling better in the last weeks of summer. But I don't actually want to move back to my parents from college.

So my question is what should I do? Should I ask her if we can talk about this or should I just cut her off completely? Its really hard since we have a lot of mutual friends. I am completely sure that all of my feelings will never completely fade away.

Please help!

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Boys and girls!

Forgot to write: Yes I know I kinda pushed to get this relationship forward. But I believed that if nothing happened before summer vacation she would find somebody else. -Stupid misstake!
I am completely madly in love with my first love! Please help me stop from crying!
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