Is it ok to catch a girl on the rebound?

Ok, so I have worked with this girl for a few months now. We've been friends but only recently got a little closer and started talking about our relationship woes. She's always flirted with me and the other guys that work here but recently (she also just broke up with her boyfriend who she has been with since I've known her) she started being more flirtatious and physical. I've always had a small thing for her but never really had the chance to do anything about it.

So, I only found out that she was single after she was asked out by some guy in her class. She was telling me about how excited she was and asked me all kinds of questions about what X or Y meant, but was really only worried that he might not call. I half-jokingly said that if he didn't call, I'd take her out to dinner, and she smiled and said she'd hold me to it.

This guy was supposed to call her around 7 last night and ended up texting her around 6:30 saying, "Sorry I had to go home to help me dad with something, I'll see you in class tomorrow, maybe you'll let me reschedule." Obviously she was sad and bummed and thought he was lying, she'd also gotten all dolled up and excited for nothing.

So, when I saw her at work today the first thing she did was hug me (I'd had kind of a mediocre experience with a girl I was also interested the night before as well and she knew about that). She asked me if he was worth seeing again but I didn't want to sound biased so I didn't really go off on the guy like I normally would have. Instead I just said it was a real jerk move to make. She said that he'd apologized and asked her out for "coffee" today and she turned him down. She mentioned that she hoped she would at least have a date for this weekend.

I feel like this is my chance to finally go for it, but I don't want to make things awkward at work or ruin our friendship either. Valentines day is coming up soon, and she has her 21st birthday soon after that. I'm not sure if I should go for it, wait, or forget it altogether. Any opinions?

Ok so I asked her to dinner today but she has snowboarding plans this weekend. We were both kind of in a hurry since we were outside walking to our cars and it was cold as hell. I gave her my number because her phone was dead and she called me from home.
Anyway, *she* suggested we meet for lunch tomorrow or Friday and told me to call her after we were both out of class tomorrow. :)
Alright well we had an awesome time at lunch and I am sure I like her a lot more now. She didn't shy away from a kiss on the cheek either. However, at work she basically said she had a lot to deal with since she just broke up with her boyfriend.
So, she said she really likes me a lot and that I'm a great friend but no more kisses on the cheek. Another issue is the fact that the ex in question sent me a nasty threat because he's been spying on her facebook messages by hacking her account.
However, she invited me to come skiing with her tomorrow because she was going alone since her roommate bailed on her. I'm obviously going to apologize for the kiss and I already told her the whole friends thing was fine, does she just need time?
After I apologized we're fine, but she said she just didn't want to give me the wrong idea. I guess that's that then. Ouch.
I've decided it's probably best to just give her some time and be her friend in the meantime.
So here's what I want to say: "i've had something on my mind now for a while, so if I could just say it I think I would feel better. I guess my greatest fear is that I would lose you as a friend simply by telling you. "
"i like you a lot too, and I think you're a great friend, potentially a lifelong one. But I also feel we could be more than that. I felt this spark like I've never had before that day we met for lunch, and I've felt different since. "
"now whether you just need more time or don't feel the same way, that's fine, I'll get over it.

but, I just know that I'll regret it the rest of my life if I don't at least take a chance. "
So I'm pretty much as depressed as can be right now. I'll be alone for V-day again and I can't seem to keep myself busy enough to forget about being so damn lonely.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Be her friend. Ask her to dinner but keep it friendly only. See if she makes any remarks toward taking it any further. She could be looking for a rebound guy too. To keep her mind off of her ex. So, be careful.

    • How do I ask her to dinner as a friend only? I don't know the right way to word the question so I don't give her the wrong impression. I've always found that women perceive things differently.

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    • Alright. Well I chickened out tonight when I had a perfect opportunity to ask her.

    • Text her. Then take her to grab a pizza and conversation. Buck up trooper. You can do it. Its just a girl, and just a date. If she says no, its just a word. If she says yes, it could mean more. Keep me posted. You are anonymous, go thru my messeges.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • That is awesome!!! See. Courage. Go have some fun!!

  • Awe, obviously she doesn't see you in that way. She also just broke up with her boyfriend and might not be ready for a new boyfriend. Just give her the impression that your just her friend and hopefully she'll realize what a great guy you are for helping her through her break-up and maybe your friendship will sprout into a long-term relationship.

    • That's what I'm hoping for, because we definitely have amazing chemistry and apparently I read it all wrong. I can't imagine she's not ready because of how excited she had gotten to go out with that guy from her class. But who knows.

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    • Girls do that sometimes when we are flirting. But that's just cause we're girls. She's comfortable around you so that's why she may be acting this way. And yes of course ask to take her out it would be a nice thing to do and it shows her your interested!

    • That sounds good about what your going to say to her. Godd luck!

  • Wow!..she seems really nice..i think you should go for it! ;)


What Guys Said 1

  • If she broke up with him, she's not on the rebound, he is. Go for broke, but treat her right! She pretty much gave you permission to take her out to dinner too. All is fair in love and war, don't let this other guy who is treating her badly win her over if you care about her.

    • Yeah I've pretty much figured that out. Thanks, I'll probably talk to her as we're leaving work today. ;)

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    • Yes, but if you apologize for being romantic, then she'll think you believe it's a bad idea to be interested in her. That would only reinforce any thoughts she already has that things won't work.

    • I already apologized, so that can't change. I can only say that I didn't mean it, that I thought it was the right thing to do but I didn't want to lose her as a friend when she reacted the way she did.

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