How to get past the touch barrier?

TBH I've never dated a girl before but plan on asking a girl to date me today.

If she says yes, in what ways would I act differently, aka how do I get past the touch barrier. Like start holding hands and what ever. That's mainly what I want to know. We hug and whatever but do I just randomly grab her hand as we're walking, it seems that would be weird.


Most Helpful Guy

  • No no no! Hopefully you're not going to literally ask her to date you? You have a long way to go before you think about touching. You should be worrying about what kinds of fun things you can do on the date...and where you're going to go. Lets say she agrees to ONE date. The only touching you should do is when you're helping in/out of the car...or up/down steps. Other than that you keep your hands to yourself until she asks you to be her bf...which will normally occur around the 5-6th date if you're a good job on the dates.

    She is the only one who knows when the right time to touch is. Let her initiate the touching. If and when she does...its not a green light for you to touch! Just be cool...let her come to you. Doing this will make you different...interesting...and raise her attraction level. By not touching her...she will become more trusting and comfortable with you. It will drive her crazy...and she will be in a sense chasing you.

    The only other touching you should do is after the 2nd date (if you make it there) kiss her then...and after every date after that. Let her dictate if, when, and how much touching there will be.

    • Thanks man! That really helps and I have a pretty great idea for a first date. Great advice, I'll keep that all in mind.

    • Show All
    • Seireikitsu: You have clearly misunderstood . I said the guy should initiate a kiss at the end of the 2nd date. Women want a guy who is different than all the rest, and shows control, discipline,and patience. A man can better understand how a woman feels if he sits back at times, instead of always making the moves. I'm a body language expert. You, ma'am know nothing about the opposite gender. There are guys who act like animals, and there are guys who act like men. Look for a man, not an animal.

    • I just talked to her today and she said I meet every aspect she wants in a boyfriend, the only thing is her last relationship ended in such a bad way that she still is not over it and is currently going to therapy because of it and is not in the right place in her life to be in a relationship, she has a lot of other stresses going on like parents divorcing, deaths in the family, and she doesn't feel right now is the best time 4 her 2 b in a relationship, were just going to b close friends for now

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What Girls Said 3

  • If you're hugging, you have already crossed the touch barrier.

    Beyond that, you gradually try less and less safe of places over time in the relationship, when it seems like it might be okay to try it. What the pace of progression is will obviously be up to the couple, there is no one rule.

    Do whatever feels natural, and let her reactions and body language guide you in if it's okay.

    And, yes, think about if it seems ethical and romantic to you first.

    Dating does not mean you're a couple. Teenagers often try to equate it as the same thing. It's not. Most adults date prior to becoming a couple, rather than becoming a couple first, because they don't know what they're doing. So, you need to understand that whether or not you're a couple must be officially stated, and agreed upon by both of you, because of those idiots who think dating does not equate to a commitment as a courting couple (despite the act of dating is courtship).

    That bassman guy... He doesn't have any idea what he's talking about, and he is clearly doing everything wrong. I guarantee you that his girlfriend is not happy about it.

  • She shouldn't feel weird since you two are already hugging. If you don't feel comfortable holding hands, then put one arm around her as you walk- draws you closer together.

  • Tbh..I think that the touching barrier, is over rated. take it slow then as you both get comfortable gradually come in to it. I hope she says yes this should be a learning experience for you and her both. if you are nervous odds are so is she.


What Guys Said 1

  • Ask her for ice-skating, the chances are she'll have troubles to hold her balance, so it will be perfectly legitimate reason to hold her hand or waist if she's really about to fall down - which eventually will happen!

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