Already ruining a good relationship?

I have a lot of fear associated with dating, and it just comes out whenever I start anything new.

Yesterday, when the girl I'm seeing called to reschedule our date this weekend, I had somewhat of an outburst and pretty plainly demonstrated my insecurity. The conversation ended well despite it (I explained that I had been pretty badly damaged in the past), and she said that she liked me.

Now I can feel that familiar brooding fear looming over me. I feel like when we spoke today she's treating me a little differently. All I can think to do now is follow up with a call to see if she's still into me, to try and explain my sordid past and see if she will still be with me.

Should I call her with this, or just go on with it and see what happens?
Had a nice long conversation with her. She's not seeing the oddness of my behavior that I am seeing, and is being really kind to my feeling this way. I've never had this kind of conversation with a girl I'm dating before. Conclusion: I need to relax the f*** up, and this girl is very very nice to me. Thanks for the direction guys, even if I went against what most of you said.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm leaning towards agreeing with Kheserthorpe.

    Just to be clear tho. What actually _happened_?

    Can you repeat the actual situation, so I've an idea f what she might think she is, or is not dealing with? It might not be that bad. It might necessarily not be something you need to dwell on. Human beings are quite resilient unless they are psychotic, in which case not with your time, let alone an apology. But the good ones, yeah. They can usually distinguish between evil, and hard day, bad experience, confusion, etc. and are able to let ultimately irrelevant stuff slide.

    So.. lets have it. What did she say. What did you say. How did she respond. What did you say after that. How did it end. Give us some dialogue ;-)

    • Sure, way to long to give dialogue but here are the details.

      Background: We were just friends before about a three weeks ago when we randomly hooked up. She lives about an hour away, so we've only seen each other once since. Before this call I am not yet sure what her intentions are at all.

      So we had plans for this Saturday. Yesterday she texted that she wanted to go out with friends. I took this to mean she was putting me in the friend zone for our date.

    • Message me. With the way too long details.There's way too little information here.

      I'll fiend you.

    • Congratulations. I'm glad you trusted yourself and her ;-)

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Some people are very understanding, while others might not care. In this case, I can sense that she is willing to go along with you, despite all of you fears. You'll need to get over it one way or another. I'd recommend therapy to curb your anxiety. Believe me, living in fear of something is terrible.

    Just go along with it. Who knows? You might actually get over your fears with this girl.

  • Yeah let it go. You told her the truth so don't rub it in anymore. I'm not saying be unemotional but some people can't handle other ppls emotional baggage. I think you need to find someone to talk to that might be able to help you through your rough patch.

  • be really affectionate and try to make it up to her. talk to her more about it and tell her how she can help make you feel less insecure


What Guys Said 2

  • From my own experience and mess ups, I can definitely say let it go and never contact her again unless she calls or texts u. I know every fiber of your being wants to do otherwise and contact her for specific answers to her behavior and I have done those things in the past and 100 percent of the time it blew up and never worked in my favor not once. no exaggeration.

    btw...out of all the dating books I read and most of them are terrible. but these 2 are good. may I recommend the art of seduction by robert greene or mode one: let the woman know what you are thinking by alan currie. both fanastic books that will help you ...yet bother quite different to say the least. seriously if you wanna change your approach check them out I beg of u.

    you can check them on amazon...both are life changing. you can buy them online cheap new or used off amazon. good luck...and yeah let this go you sort of given her the upper hand and you don't wanna give her more hand. most people get off on getting the upperhand or any type of "power" from the opposite gendery. I can tell you this from experience trust me dude.

    • Risking giving too much power... Nine out of ten times I would agree with you, but this girl seems determined to make it work. We went out and I told her frankly about my chronic anxiety, and she has not seemed weirded out yet. Quite the opposite, which is amazing. I'll still give those books a look if need be, thanks for the rec.

    • kriskris. ou had bad experiences with sh*tty people. sorry.

    • you are welcome and I have bad anxiety too so GOD bless.

  • So you were insecure, and you're thinking another insecure call will help?

    You 'explained it'.

    Now, let it the f*** go.


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