Dating somebody with CHILDREN......yikes.

How does dating a person with children change the playing field?

I've got zero children, am even a little freaked out about people my age having children (I know maybe it seems immature) but it's just the way I am.

Are single parents better off dating other single parents because they have that in common with one another?

A guy wanted to start dating me but he had a few months old baby. I just couldn't get over it for some reason. I lied to him at first and told him I was okay with it but then I realized I really wasn't so I never did end up dating him seriously.

Is it weird that I don't adore children? I'm female and I feel that it just makes me an oddball.

Are there any good guys that actually want to date women that don't want children...or will it be the proverbial so called "douches" that are the only ones left over?

I know it's weird but I don't feel old enough to have children and be a parent so when I see other people my age who do I'm sort of startled.


Most Helpful Guy

  • it's perfectly normal. raising a child is a huge responsibility. no one wants it suddenly thrust on them, especially when it isn't even their kid.

    that said, single parents need sex too. A FWB relationship is ideal with someone who doesn't also have children, I'd imagine. That way you both avoid the awkward expectation of helping raise the kids together, but still get your physical needs met. Plus, because he's a single parent, you know he is pretty much at the bottom of the "desirable" list, so when I say "friends with benefits" I mean to emphasize the word "friend." You may not find a more loyal friend in any lifetime.

    • Thank you for your answer although it's a little hard for me to wrap my mind around it fully right now. Thanks!

    • So you are trying to tell me that single fathers make devoted sex slaves... Ha Ha Ha Laugh.

    • well, so do married fathers. just ask their wives!

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What Guys Said 6

  • iam not sure what to say but I would be weary about dating some one with young children my ex key word ex broke up with me saying she could not deal with a boyfriend and a child and used him to get rid of me not his folt at all he was a nice little lad and really did enjoy been with him but she used him or I feel she used him as a way of dumping me so from now on no single mums anyway sorry to moan on your Q just giving a warning I guess lol

  • Some people don't want children. That's perfectly normal. When I met my other half, she had two children and I had none, but I love kids and have had younger cousins and nieces for quite a while. You should never just go with it in a relationship where kids are involved. They're not like having emotional baggage that can be just dealt with over time. No matter how much you like the guy, if kids are involved and you don't want children, just call it a deal breaker and put him in the "friend zone."

  • I will be honest.. I have a son and found a woman that was freaked out about it and she gave it a try She d not know what to expect. I was divorced for about a year and my son was a year and a half old when she and I met. I am happy to say that it was meant to be here we are 5 years later and we are getting married this weekend. Now a days many people have children and you might find yourself falling in love with both and being happy. if you do not try you may push that night in shining armor away.. and not know it. This is my experience love. good luck to you

    • Wow! Heavy sigh, this is what I think about, these sorts of things that you describe here, because in my heart I know that LOVE comes in unpredictable packages and in unforeseen ways, often when it happens it just HAPPENS. I'm surprised that you gave the woman a try!

      I mean I thought to myself: "This guy has a brand new baby, why is he dating already?"

      It was hard for me to imagine that the two of them already settled that they didn't want to try to make it work since they now have family.

    • Love this one. Best of luck to the soon-to-be newlyweds. :-)

  • You're sane to not want to date people who already have kids. Seriously--they're a ton of work, and granted, you might not want to go through the agony of having kids, but it's a huge change. Not only does the person have to put you 2nd, at very best, but then they have to get babysitters, you have to worry about the ex who helped make that baby, if you become serious you have to deal with that kid knowing you're not really his parent.

    Just, it's a huge no-no.

    Oh, and yes/no, in answer to your other question, about good guys wanting to date women who don't want children. I would be quite pleased if I was on a date and found out she didn't want kids. Though whether I qualify as a good guy is a matter of opinion, haha.

    • Thankachooo!

    • That is sort of the way I think about it. I figure I would have to deal with the family life style without actually having my own family. Additionally and maybe it's strange to say but I would feel like an outsider, I think I would always feel like the man and his ex and their children still composed a family that I was would be some kind of intruder upon the system even if the ex is "out of the picture beyond visits".

  • No reason to freak out. If you are mature and he is a good father and a good person then I say go for it.

    • I'm not "mature" exactly. I'm sort of backwards, I was one of those kids that always acts like a little adult, now that I'm an adult I'm really not that "mature".

      Thank you for your answer!

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    • Well, I don't hang at the local bowling alley BUT got it...I was asked out on a date to go to the local bowling alley. But hey small towns can be fun. I've lived in big cities too, I know the comparisons.

    • I like both but favor a bigger city

  • Honestly, I feel the same way about this issue as you. I don't have children, may not want them, or maybe, who knows. But to the heart of the matter... I think it just depends on the person. Some people might be cool with it, some people may want children and can't conceive, others may be curious.

    I know for me that's on my deal breaker list. If you have children I am not going to date you.


What Girls Said 1

  • No, co-single-parent dating isn't a particularly good idea. Each family reacts differently to the dating. The key to dating with kids is to make sure that the kids are ready to see their parents date AND that the adults are actually in a point in their lives where they are ABLE to date. Not everyone is interested in having or being around children. It's not a big deal, but it's something that should be mentioned up front before you start dating a single parent.

    There are lots of guys who don't want children -- and guys who have children of their own and don't want any more. You would probably do well with one of these, as long as the guy is mature enough to know his own mind for certain.

    • The other aspect that also freaks me (everything is a potential weird out factor)'s even weirder to me when the parent doesn't spend much time with their own kids! I find myself feeling like I don't want to date a single parent----but also judging them for not being parent-y ENOUGH for my tastes. I would be more comfortable with a parent who is actively involved in the kids life than a parent who is more passive and just does the required visits "BECAUSE IT's GOOD FOR THE KID"

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    • You've got some good points to consider though dishlady Thanks!

    • No prob. Actually, you'll find that if you are really attached to a guy (children or no children), you become interested in all those other aspects of his life and his life becomes easier because of the light you shine on him. You'd naturally want to accept everything about him without prompting. I think that the bottom line is that you haven't found a guy you're really willing to do that for (& so understandably don't feel obligation to fuss over kids, etc.), whereas you love your nephews, etc.

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