I’ve known this guy for two years. We’ve dated for a year and a half. When we met we immediately clicked and he pursued me by asking me out. We’re different but we have a number of similarities: we’re both shy, we enjoy reading, our parents have the same profession, we both grew up moving around a lot, etc. I consider him to be my best friend—we have pretty much talked nonstop every day since the day we met, either emailing each other every 10 minutes, spending every chunk of time between classes together, and Skyping 2-5+ hours day.
I was a senior in HS and he was a junior (we’re the same age though). When we met he knew I was going to be leaving in a few months. He still encouraged me to date him and said that we would figure it out. Before we started dating he went away on vacation and wrote me a very long, detailed love letter. We dated for the remainder of the year, though he did have one issue where he struggled with his old feelings for another girl who had no interest in him.
I moved to the US for college. We knew that in a year he would also be in the US, but he didn’t know where yet. For only spending a few months together before separating and for our first relationship, I think we did quite well. We still talked every day, morning and night. We wrote each other letters and managed to see each other twice in the year that we were apart. In this process he met and spent time with my parents and grandparents during the holidays and I got to meet his parents, sister and her boyfriend. During the year we did have several breakups, mostly due to the stress of not being able to see each other.
He sometimes gets confused about his life and where things are going, and would occasionally question if our relationship had a future if we were going to be in two different places, and at other times said that we didn’t talk enough about things he thought we should be talking about. My own opinion is that if you can talk to someone for 5 hours a day for two years and not get sick of them, that’s pretty good! Sometimes he also felt like we talked about sex too much, but I think a lot of that came from really missing each other and wanting to be together. We are both still virgins.
Now I am a sophomore on the east coast and he’s a freshman on the west coast. We had a wonderful, strong romance from about April until a few weeks ago, when he got stressed out again about our relationship for the same reasons above. Right before the breakup he was telling me that he has trouble expressing his feelings but that he wants me to be honest with mine. On nights when he was busy and we couldn’t talk he would ask me to email him so he could read it before bed. After our breakups we always remain friends, but this time he told me he didn’t think we should talk again and that we should move on. He said he knew I loved him and that he really wanted to feel the same way, but he just didn’t.
After a brief period of not talking, we’re talking again. He said his week was horrible because of it, and he seemed relieved and apologized. We’re just friends now and like the other breakups he seems to think we’ll stay that way.
Most Helpful Guy
When a guy asks not to talk again, it's usually because he's torn. My advice is to do what he says and just work on what makes you happy. Especially due to the fact that you guys are on opposite sides of the coast, there will be points where there is nothing you can do to show him that it will be okay, other than a few comforting words (which don't work on guys as well as these words do on girls). If you focus on making yourself happy, he might try to figure out what's going on in your world, and if he's seeing mostly positives, he really won't have anything to prohibit him from desiring you. Everything is happy/positive, which is what we all deeply desire for our own lives. Try to take this time, not as a separation from him, but as a way to really make your inner star shine. It's really the best card you can play at this point, because we don't know if he has conflicting interests ("someone else") or if he has been torn from pushing his limits (not being able to feel you next to him, etc)... Without knowing where he's at, there's no advice to give you - you already care about him, at this point you have to care about yourself too.