More than half the people I message don't even check out my profile. I must be doing something wrong, but what?

So in the real world I have pretty good luck with women. I'm intelligent, funny, and confident, so I tend to attraction attention and interest from a wide variety of people. Makes it pretty easy for me to ask women out/get a date (when they're single at least). My personality is obviously a big strong point for me.

But I decided to try online dating since I haven't really been finding anybody that's right for me in terms of maturity and mutual interests. I want somebody who I can talk to and feel like I'm having a real stimulating conversation with, which I can't seem to come across in real life (nice girls, but there's just not much a spark there 99% of the time). But I'm getting NOOOOO luck on this online dating thing. Like no responses at all. Well, scratch that, I had 2-3 out of like 30+ messages (I don't spam message, I actually do read, mention something that caught my interest, usually just a paragraph and a question) but both of those died off after one initial response that left little to go off of.

So I'm just not sure where I'm going wrong here. More than half the people I message don't even check out my profile (which kind of sucks when you spent the time to read and comment about a mutual interest and such) so it's got me wondering what's the deal? Is it boiling down to looks? I'm no Ryan Gosling but the difference is really night and day. Obviously the perspective of women who have used online dating before would be particularly helpful here. Thanks in advance.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Online dating sucks. Most of the girls there are emotionally damaged and just prefer that you validate their ego via lots of messages, but with no real intention of meeting up with you in person. As man who has also had luck dating girls in the offline world, I was shocked at how much I was ignored online. Brother, do yourself a favor and stick to the offline world. Your investment and quality of the returns on your investment will be much higher!

    • I don't know, maybe you're right. I just figured the way it's set up, you're more likely to meet somebody with the same mindset going into it beforehand. Instead of asking out somebody that could be a ton of things that could be deal breakers (racist, smoker, etc. for me) you already know before hand whether there's some compatibility ya know? That's what I seem to be missing consistently these days. That compatibility.

    • A lot of the people online (both guys and girls) are online because they don't know how to socialize in real life, or they are bad liars. They could be married. They could be 100lbs heavier than in their photos (happened to a date I met up with in real life) or any other number of reasons. I tried it for six months and only met about 2-3 girls that were worth it. That was after hundreds of messages sent. You're better offline, trust me, as a guy who has had success offline. Cold approach FTW!

    • Thanks for the best answer. Get off the online dating sites and go back to what works, approaching girls the old fashioned way.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I've never used online dating before..but..I honestly think that the kind of connection you want...isn't something you just want a real person with a real genuine connection...that takes time and a lot of patience...don't look for it because you will become disappointed, which will greatly affect your self esteem and confidence, which women are strongly attracted to. Have fun with friends, and don't spend all of your focus on finding this girl. She'll come, but you can't force it. Good luck.

    • I understand, it's just more a curiosity why there's such a distinct difference between the two. I'm not desperate to find 'the one' or anything, but I just find it odd have much more difficult it is just to get a person to respond online, whereas in person the whole process feels effortless.

  • Maybe you're one of those lucky people who come off good in person, but not so good on paper. If you do so well in person, why don't you try meeting people in person, such as at a club, & so on. Play your strengths, a lot of people would love to have your gifts :).

    • Yeah but that's just the thing. I don't seem to click with all these people I'm meeting in person. Maybe I'm just in the wrong places, but it seems like I'm constantly going through this "well she's nice and attractive, but she doesn't have it". Idk, maybe I was spoiled by finding a great person early on and now I'm getting frustrated by not being able to come across that rarity again.

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    • Nah, I'm pretty happy for her. She's living with a great guy and they've been together for a couple years now. But it was a very fulfilling in every regard and I really didn't have too much complaint in general. She moved away though and I (probably incorrectly) didn't think long distance would work/wasn't willing to move.

    • Maybe you just haven't found the right girl than. Sometimes waiting for the right one, can take a while. Don't give up a hope, I'm sure you'll find the right girl.

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