What steps to take after getting a girls number?

I'm very good at getting numbers, but for some reason, first dates aren't leading to second dates, and so on... so I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I typically wait 2-3 days, call them, ask them out for dinner/activity, then call a couple days after the date. I feel like my conversations are fine/good on the dates, so I don't know what's going on...

What should I be doing? A couple other ideas I thought of are:

1) Waiting longer to call (5-7 days)

2) Waiting less time to call (next day)

3) Only texting to start. As in just text her sometime to find time for a lunch. And then after lunch, I can get the conversation leading towards studying and that we should study sometime together. Then if that goes well, I can ask for a date.

What else? What is the best way to go about it?

I normally get a lot of first dates from the numbers I get... but those don't lead to anything more typically. So I'm screwing up on the first date somehow.

So girls, what can a guy do perfect on the first date to want you to go out again?


Most Helpful Girl

  • If some guy were pursuing me, I guess I would appreciate it most this way:

    He'd get my number. Text me later that day/the next day depending on when we met (obviously if we met 11pm on a Friday night it might seem a little desperate for him to text me immediately thereafter) saying something like "It was nice to meet you, "Jane." I hope we can see each other again soon." Exchange names again if you aren't absolutely sure it was made clear earlier.

    Call her within two days I would guess, no more than three. Ask her out to lunch or something low key like coffee or drinks after work. The next day would not be too soon to call in my opinion, but I would not expect her to be free so soon.

    After the first date, text her when you get home that you had a nice time and that you'd like to see her again. Something short and sweet that shows her you are interested in her. If you came in separate cars, I do not think it would be odd to add a "hope you got home safely!" but I would use that with some discretion. It might freak some women out.

    Then, I guess the next step would be to call her again within 2-3 days and set up another date. Some women may never call back, life may have gotten in the way or they may not be interested. Either way, don't let it get you down. Dating kind of sucks =P

    I try to stay away from texting games because they usually are just annoying to me, but some people may like that you just have to get a feel for each individual person and what you can and cannot handle when it comes to their emotional wants/needs.

    A little back and forth is fine, just don't let the conversations go on for too long.Just allow the dates to progress and I would say that after 3-4 dates it has become a little more serious and you can text more back and forth.

    I have a question for you, though. :) How are you getting all these numbers? In what situations are you in? It may be that the women are just giving them to you haphazardly and aren't truly interested in dating someone (no offense, I'm sure you are a cool guy).

    • Wherever I go, I'm willing to approach a girl if I'm free and she's free and cute haha. So if I'm walking to class and I catch up to a cute girl randomly, I'll start a conversation by making some comment. If the convo goes well, I'll ask for her number. Or if I study, there are always cute girls. So I'll sit next to one of them and slowly work it into conversation and again if it goes well, I'll ask for her number.

    • Thanks for all the detail there. I used to text the girl after the first date but I kinda went away from that. I think I'll go back to it :) and instead of sending a text right after I get her number, I think I'll just call the next day or on the second day... instead of no text and call on the third day.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Maybe you just didn't have much in common? Waiting longer to call her won't help really. Just call her when you feel like it, you'd sound more spontaneous too. Don't wait longer than two days though.

    Having a similar sense of humour and the same kind of interests is really important, otherwise I also wouldn't go on a second date because I have nothing to share with the person except for physical attraction.

    • It has happened with countless girls. I get first dates and then it normally stops there. Then there are the girls that I go out with more than one time and that has happened 4 times this year. First girl was only doing it because she was using me. Girls 2 and 3 ended up going back to their ex around the 3rd date. And the last girl I think used me as a sorta "rebound" and then ended up getting in a relationship with another guy... just randomly dropping contact with me :/

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    • There's nothing wrong with you. Sometimes girls just throw you a curve ball you didn't expect.. try to move on and find a girl who really likes you.

      You're experiencing some difficulties.. I am too. The thing is that bad things always happen if a relationship is not meant to be. That's how you know it isn't a good match and you have to keep looking.

    • But I've had so many bad matches that I think I just need to change to generally be able to connect with people better.

  • why wait call her now if you are interested in her or don't call at all, I don't like guys and their waiting game. text her if you feel that's more comfortable.

    • Waiting makes the girl wonder what I'm up to or if I'm even interested...

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    • Is three days really that long? As in, I got this girls number on a Wednesday afternoon/night and called her on Saturday. Is that bad? Should I have just called on Thurs?

    • if you like call her the day after if you don't then just toss the number away

What Guys Said 2

  • Gotta go with the male AU - it's been proven that immediately contacting a girl after getting her phone number will freak her out and make her think that you're desperate. On the other hand, like some of the other girls said - if you wait more than 2 days, she'll think you're taking her for granted and she'll lose interest.

    Bottom line - wait, but don't wait for too long... 2 days is the perfect number, even if you haven't experienced complete success...

  • Don't take a womans advice on this . Women will tell you what they would want to happen...yet their answer contradicts what makes them attracted to a guy. Guys and girl don't have control over what they're attracted too or not. I'd recommend waiting to call. Keeps you from being just another guy...and keeps you from getting involved with girls you don't want to be with. Ask her on a date on the phone...or in person so you can better judge her reaction.

    • I'm not sure about the waiting. It really hasn't been working haha. I think 2 days is the best. It's always worked for me. But now I'm thinking possibly the next day. I don't know. It's more than just that. I'm screwing up somewhere on the first date because 90%+ of the number I get lead to a first date... which to me is a high number.

    • Have you ever waited 5-7 days like you mentioned in your question? If not...you should man up, and try it for a while. What do you have to lose?

    • I have never tried the 5-7 days. Normally I go with 2-3. Getting the first date isn't the problem normally. It's getting the second date and beyond.

      I'll get two numbers sometime soon. I'll try waiting 6 days on one of they, and I'll call the onth the next day. Just to test what happens.

      I feel like I lately haven't been showing girls I'm interested enough. So I think calling early might be a good idea. Then I'd ask more questions on the first date.

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