My fiancee spent our money on a new car, now we have to push out our wedding date, was this a hint?

My fiancee and I are scheduled to get married in 4 months. We are supposed to be paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves with what I had left in my savings accounts and funds he just received in a settlement. We don't have a date set in stone yet because it is a destination wedding and we are trying to work around the family, but it was set for March 2012. However, he recently decided to purchase a vintage car and says he is stressed about having the money for the wedding, so he wants to push the date out a few months or go get married at the justice of the peace. He is really pushing this justice of the peace thing even though I told him I feel like our families would be hurt and it's not very romantic. I would honestly be fine with him pushing it back if it weren't for the underlying insecurity he has now caused. His family and mine are now pissed he did this. I'm glad he got the car. He's been dreaming about fixing one up for a long time and I want him to be happy. However, I can't help but feel the others are right and this says a lot about his feelings for me and how responsible he will be during our marriage. Then I thought, maybe this is his last big "single guy" splurge, but everyone says I'm just making excuses that he's just plain selfish. I didn't ask for anyone's opinion by the way, the family on both ends just volunteered it. I don't want to be "that girl" who kids herself into thinking things are different than they are. So guys I'm wondering is it true? Should I really think about this in black and white terms of if he really wanted to marry me, he wouldn't have used the money to purchase a car? Part of me thinks he knew I wouldn't cause a fuss and would marry him at the JOP and use my money for the reception (which he thinks is the important part). Again, that makes me think I want him to be happy, but does he want the same for me...or is it all about him? What do you guys think? Be blunt, I need it.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Being together -married or not- should be more important than the wedding ceremony and -party.

    In my (little) world, buying that car would have been a subject of discussion between my wife and me before buying (not after)


    "We are supposed to be paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves"

    " I told him I feel like our families would be hurt "

    If your families want the marriage ceremony, they gotta pay for it, IMHO.

    (that's what we told our families, long ago)


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Blunt?

    What do you actually want?

    To be married, or to have a big day out and party where you're the centre of attention?

    Remember, men don't get anything out of the wedding day, except grief, hassle, and a bill.


What Girls Said 1

  • Okay, first of all, did you two discuss how that money was gonna be spent prior to him buying that car? If the money was set aside for the wedding, to me, that's what it should have been used for unless it was an emergency. Don't settle for a justice of the peace wedding if that's not what you really want. Do it right the first time or you will regret it, take my word for it. When I got married we saved and paid everything off over the course of one year and we had a huge wedding like 32 people. I always wanted a huge wedding so I saved up for it and we had zero bills afterward. Talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. My point is this, save up for what you really want. If you two didn't converse about the way the money was spent, then yes he was being selfish!