Getting mixed messages. Do I tell him how I feel or let it go?

I started dating this guy about a month ago and he is a manager at one of my favorite local hang outs. We had a ton of fun on our first date and ended up sleeping together. We slept together again a couple of days later, but then I told him I wanted to hold off until we had been dating for a while longer which he understood. He texted me constantly the first two weeks always wanting to hang out. We hung out at least a couple times a week though I got a bit overwhelmed because I wasn't used to a guy being so available so early on so I pulled back a little.

Around the same time that I finally realized I did like him he stopped being so responsive to my texts and wasn't trying to hang out with me as much. One night we were hanging out and started to fool around when I decided to ask him if he was sleeping with other people. He said no, but that he had been on a couple of other dates, though it hadn't gone beyond a first date. We had never had the exclusivity talk, but it hurt me more than I wanted it to, even though I had gone on a date so had no right to get upset with him. I told him as much and that he had done nothing wrong, but that I was still upset because I liked him more than I thought. He said that he hadn't been as attentive/available because he couldn't ever really tell how I felt about him and that he was just protecting himself from getting hurt and didn't want me to feel like he was stalking me.

We hung out 4 days later and nothing eventful happened. I stopped by his bar with friends a couple of nights that weekend, and while I know he was crazy busy he seemed somewhat distant. I hadn't heard from him so I called him Wednesday to see if he wanted to hang out and he said he was pretty exhausted from St. Patty's day partying, but that he would call me later, he never did. Thursday my friends wanted to go watch basketball at his bar. When we got there he had just gotten off work and was having a beer. I didn't want to go over and talk to him cause I was scared, but he saw me and came over. He hugged me and apologized for not calling, that he had passed out. He asked me to hang out with him when I was done with the girls. I ended up going over and we had a great time flirting and being playful, though I joked that I was "mad" that he hadn't been as responsive because it made me question how he felt. He said it shouldn’t and that he was just not as open since he got really hurt in his past relationships. I went into the bar again with friends the next two nights and didn't pursue talking to him cause I knew he was busy. He came over to say hi/hug me, but that was it and it is now 5 days later. Is he just not interested anymore and should I just let it go or do I need to be upfront about my feelings and ask him to do the same? Could he also be confused about how I feel and has pulled back because he feels vulnerable? We will c each other at the bar so I don’t want things to be awkward and unresolved.


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What Girls Said 2

  • Lose interest. Be upfront. Tell him you like him but he makes you confused. You have to tell him what you want unless you will keep on guessing every little things he does.

  • It sounds like he is really unsure on how you feel and what you want and that is the reason why he has backed off. You need to talk to him and let him know how you feel, people are not mind readers. If you don't communicate then things are just going to carry on like this and neither of you will know where you stand.

    Just let him know that you like him but you want to take things slow and see where it goes. Tell him that you want to hang out with him, that you enjoy his company but you also like to have your own space and time on your own.

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