What is wrong with me that I never keep or be the first choice of the girl?

I’m 23 years old. I’ve only officially had 2 girlfriends. I am in a bad situation right now. The girl I have been with for 6 months is torn between her ex and me. No matter what I do I always end up being the second choice. I get left by the girl I like for another guy, or the girl I like ends up picking another guy over me to date. I’m really nervous on the inside when it comes to the girl I like if I’m not dating her. Whether or not we are dating I try to do everything I can for her. I occasionally buy her lunch or dinner, I randomly/occasionally send her sweet/cute text messages, I let her borrow sweatshirts when she is cold, I joke with her to make her smile, I flirt with her, etc. However no matter how much I do I never seem to get much back in return. I’d most likely be classified as a good guy. I'm still a virgin(waiting until marriage) or many favors done to me, but I’m open to doing things. I don’t force things but I always let her know I’m open to doing things. I always end up feeling like I’m not good enough for her or to get anything back. I’m not a person who goes out to bars frequently. I don’t have very many friends left in the area and the ones I do I don’t get to hang out with much due to conflicting schedules. I get nervous when I meet people or when I like them and we aren’t dating. I don’t know where to go to find girls that won’t just be a fling or one night thing because they are drunk.

What is wrong with me that I never keep or be the first choice of the girl? Are there actually girls out there who are still virgins too? Where do I go to find the right girls?

P.S. Sorry this didn’t really have a flow to it I just typed as things came to mind.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Anyone who says "good guys finish last" is a moron. (I'm not saying that you said this, but too many guys on this site believe this.) There is ALWAYS reason the girl picks the other guy. Guys think they are doing all the right things, and then find themselves high and dry. This typically means you have good intensions, but you are not delivering it properly. Perhaps even trying TOO hard. I'm going to give you examples of things I have experienced in the past and ask yourself if you do any of them, because they are all major turn offs. These are also things that "good guys" typically do.

    -too many compliments. It is actually annoying and it makes it seem like you are trying too hard.

    -assuming that because you went on a date here and there that you are an item. A lot of guys don't get that just because some interest is shown, that it doesn't mean you are going to be a couple. Don't be so anxious. Take it slow. A guy I dated (went on 2 dates) switched his Facebook status to in a relationship. I bailed the f*** out. This is an extreme case, but you get the idea

    -You focus too much on the girl and what she is doing. Sometimes it seems like you don't really care about much else when you are constantly sending texts or asking "when can I see you again?"

    -too many flowers and gifts, constantly paying for meals, opening all doors, etc. actually makes a girl feel like she is an OBJECT of your affection. like guys assume that all girls need to be saved and taken care of. just because we have a vagina doesn't mean we are incapable. Find a balance between being polite and chivalrous.

    -too much cutesy stuff always grossed me out. One guy used to text me things like "I wanna snuggle you to sleep." and "My pillows smell like your hair and I can't stop smelling it." It really began to creep me out over time, even though they were just being nice.

    There is not a girl on the planet who says, "I hate good guys, they suck. I really like guys who treat me like sh*t." The problem with most "good guys" is that they try too hard and lose their masculinity along the way. Overly doting on someone, caring too much about what they think and feel, and basically seeming like you will be devastated if it doesn't work out makes a guy look desperate, and it starts to feel creepy.

    Again, I am not saying you are doing any of those things, but this is just what I have learned. And about your virginity, you will find someone who doesn't care, as long as you can still "satisfy" her haha


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I'm sorry you've been d***ed around :( We're not all Succubi, I swear. Some of us have a heart.


What Guys Said 1

  • Christ man, have some dignity.

    You sound like some dog on his hind legs begging for table scraps from women. Who the f*** cares. Go about your life and don't play yours or any girls "second fiddle" games.

    Go out, go rock climbing, read a book, workout, grab a cup of coffee and just CHILL.

    Stop putting you balance so much in other women.