Moral Support & How to Best Keep Her Interested

Background: I am a 43 year old man in the midst of a divorce which will be wrapped up in the next month. I and a 32 year old woman I work with have been flirting and went out once or twice before she let me know that she liked me a lot and did want us to date but not until the divorce was final. I completely respect that and told her so. She said she still was OK with getting together for a beer here and there and we text a lot and she didn't want that to stop.

A week after that one evening she was feeling needy and came over and spent the night. Nothing sexual and really not any kissing. Just holding and talking. After that she freaked out a bit and said we can't do that again which I understand. She has pulled back some since then but insists she still wants us to talk and text etc. We haven't got together for drinks since then which doesn't surprise me because I think she is scared and I don't blame her I am too.

In the past we have texted a lot and talk when we can at work. We still text and talk at work but its not the same. I usually text her good morning each day, and she would respond most of the time, nothing big just a one line thing. Now she never responds at all. In the middle of the day before she gets to work we would usually text a little bit say how the day is etc. Now almost never. Before we would text every night for a few hours now every other day or third day and not for long. As well I feel our connection slipping.

How do I keep her interested and maintain our connection for a month without it all falling apart? So far I have continued what I did before but it feels hollow because I don't get the responses I got before. I don't want to come across as needy but I do believe that if she wants me to hang out for a month she needs to give a least a little bit of encouragement. And don't misunderstand she has not said anything or acted in any way other than what I described above. She is a bit abrupt with texts, but she say she hates texting except with me. (Sometimes she will just stop a conversation in the middle and never respond back to it.)

What should I do? I have considered stopping some of the texting but don't want her to think I have lost interest.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe she doesn't want to be the dreaded "rebound." Generally when someone gets a divorce they rebound pretty quickly and then that relationship usually fizzles out as they realize that they haven't given themselves enough time to figure out what they really want in a relationship. If I were her, I would not be trying to date a man straight out of a marriage because it usually does not end well. That is what I would be thinking, but I can't guarantee that's what she is thinking. Good luck to you in this new chapter of your life!


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What Girls Said 4

  • I agree with the first answerer: just be honest and talk to her. You know she's interested in you, just a little cautious until your divorce is settled.

    If you're worried about coming on too strong, just a "I didn't scare you off did I? : P" text or something casual to that effect. You've been keeping up your part, so she should throw you a bone.

    • I agree it just seems she is pulling away. Today I tried not texting when I normally would and haven't heard a thing

    • Maybe wait a few days...see if she initiates contact. If you don't hear from her, then gently confront her about her seeming disinterest

    • I think she is just scared because many people who are married make promises to leave the other she may be afraid to show her feelings for fear of getting hurt and disappointed,u are one of few who actually really are divorcing.

  • I would just let her know you feel like she is becoming distant and how serious you are about you and her to please be patient with you and that your divorce will be final next month and you will show her the papers.

    • You don't think that is being needy/

    • no way,too needy is begging and trying to push things way too fast,if she feels the same way she will respond in a positive way.

  • I would send an honest, thoughtful email that shows how much you care about her as a person. Show your sensitive side, women love that. Show her you are thinking serious and long term with her if that is the truth. Respect and honesty goes a long way. Good luck.

  • Time to let it go...unfortunately your situation at the moment doesn't allow her to trust a relationship with you. Not your fault...just timing I guess.


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