Guys try less hard when they think they have you?

so we kind of on and off casually dated. he had still been in touch at least once a week with me but we had not seen each other, got busy with school.

recently we just met up. he had suggested it before and then there was a convenient day for both of us so we got together for coffee. we kissed a lot, spent a lot of time talking, he held my hand and my stuff. said he missed me and is glad to see me again. talked about getting together again several times. this was a few days ago. since then he texted me once and I texted him once.

the bottom line is...we are not in a serious relationship, we are both busy with our own lives, he knows I am there. as long as he talks to me at least weekly, should I assume we are good?

i was hoping he would be in contact a little more. but I think he knows I am there, and I know he is there. it makes me a little sad, because I am pretty much in love with him. but this is how it has to be and I know it.

what should I think?

i just feel like I'm on his back burner, if he cared at all wouldn't he talk to me every day? I mean he used to until I pushed him away, is it my fault?
well in our area there is a big storm and he texted me to see if I am okay and how I am doing. guess he does care about me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I can totally relate to this situation, "casually" seeing a guy. I've been asking myself the same question and I think it might be the case, once a guy thinks he has you, he tries a little less than before. The bottom line is, it's still better when he stays in touch with you, it means he thinks of you right?

    My crush sometimes just sends me a message with a link to an internet joke he thinks I'll laugh at or just asks me what's up, and I think it's still better than nothing. I'm kinda thinking about him all the time, and I do have a lot of stuff to keep me distracted, but I'd still prefer to be with him. He is obviously able to enjoy time with his friends (sporting etc) better than me, which I see from the pics he sends me. I guess guys are like that, they don't obsess about girls as much as the other way around.

    Sorry for not giving you much advice, but at least you know you're not the only one. It made me feel better to know that I'm not crazy when I miss my crush so much ;) I'll just try to keep myself busy, don't overload him with texts and hope he likes me and thinks of me.

    Best of my luck to you! I wish you guys will be happy together :)


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What Guys Said 2

  • Think of you two as having a long courtship, along time when you slowly get to know each other. This is a lot more comfortable than jumping into a relationship with someone you barely know. The sporadic contact can be very romantic, as you have described, since you miss each other the whole time you are apart.

    • well, I certainly miss him, I hope he misses me even a little bit but he will text me asking what I'm doing and stuff so I guess he thinks of me at least sometimes? you actually made me feel a little better, thank you.

    • Show All
    • UPDATE: No, you didn't do anything wrong. This is a lot of contact given that you are both busy.

      Enjoy the romance of this sporadic but very tender contact.

    • UPDATE 2: Yes, for sure, he cares. Isn't that all you need for now?

  • hmmmm that is kind of true, but it may also mean he is not that into you. Honestly if we really like somebody we are proactive. I am like this at least.

    • yeah, I know I am in love with him and he is not as crazy about me. it makes me heartbroken. I cry about him all the time. I don't know if I feel worse like this or not having him at all.

    • Show All
    • yes how long have you guys been doing this? I think yiou should take it easy.

    • well in the summer and last spring we were more on. talking every day, seeing each other more. was easy..he was busy but I was free so we had more time. then I started school, when I did thought that was the end. he still contacted me fairly often. then I got annoyed at him about something and pushed him away or thought I did, but a few weeks later he started contact again since then it has been at least weekly, then we met up again.

What Girls Said 1

  • Yes, it seems he does care! Yay! Happy for you :)