Why do I still suffer, emotionally, while he's still livin' it up?!

I was deeply in love 7 months ago but got rejected, betrayed and backstabbed by my ex... this lead to severe depression until the point where, I wanted to end my life. I feel as if I AM OVER MY EX and no longer in love with him but I still haven't got over the heartbreak. Episodes of mistreatment keep popping up in my head. I suffer from feelings of worthlessness which leads to low self-esteem. So many things took place in that relationship, which lead me to suffer. He was my first love and I often fear that he is my last. I feel like he is "livin' it up" and having a great life with different girls but I can't take that option to go guy-hunting because it is extremely difficult for me to get a boyfriend. I never figured out why but I have been to 10 different schools and not one guy has ever approached me. I have asked guys out but got coldly rejected and now I never ever ask guys out. The only attention I get is online and I'm sick of hearing the same line, " I would date you, if I knew you in real life." Easy for you to confess through a screen! *sigh* I'm sick of online dating and I'm ready to date like an adult. I feel like the only way to get over the pain is if I go and date men who know my worth. Men who know how to treat a lady. My wife material qualities are going out of the window because my belief in love is decreasing day-by-day to the point where I think it's MEANT for me to be single! Maybe that one guy was a sign that dating isn't for me. (Why was it so easy for him to let me go?)


Most Helpful Girl

  • It is OK. By the time you will forget and not feel anything.

    Dont look for guys right now, Focus on yourself, improve yourself, love it and accept it and learn to never allow anyone to abuse/hurt it again.

    I can see how hurt you feel but whatever I say right now will never make you feel any better.

    Stop feeling like you are not worth it, because you are worth it but he is not. You have to say to/remind yourself million times that you are worth it and why you think you are worth it. You have to remind yourself why he wasn't worth it ! You don't want to end up with someone who doesn't deserve you. I myself prefer to be single all my life than being with someone who treats me like trash.

    I will tell you one thing "no one is worth your tears". It is OK to have a scar, to be careful next time and not let just anyone in.

    Dont be that much depressed. Moving on, changing to better is a good revenge, trust me . If you show him that you are not happy! well, he is enjoying seeing you upset, stop. don't fill his ego, make him regret leaving you, make him get back to you begging then tell him to f off, you can't settle for anything less than what you deserve.

    How to do that? Well by changing to better, being confident, happy and knowing what you deserve.

    Good people don't deserve bad people at all.

    Save the good person for someone who deserves that good person, someone who will stick for you, love you for you, someone who will never want to upset you, who he runs after you, who he asks you out, makes the effort himself, who calls you himself, not who you run after.

    You suffer emotionally because you depend on relationships for your happiness. Stop doing that.

    A spa as a start can change your mood, get busy, get out with friends, don't go sleep around, just have a good time with friends, shop, swim, do some activities and meet new people.

    Dont worry you will get over him, he is just some guy.

    • Www thank you so much! You have NO idea how much I appreciate your positive words. That's exactly what I need. Ur not telling me what I want to hear but you are still encouraging me. I got tired of people "keeping it real" because it hurt me even more! At the same time I want to hear the truth and that was perfect inspiration. As for confidence and success... it has been on and off but I must say that I am improving tremendously and I'm becoming much more happy! :) Thank you a-milli!

    • You are welcome.

      Good that you are working on yourself already, keep doing that.

      You are an amazing person, I am sure, don't let a guy like him put you down.

      And thanks again for the best answer .

    • Alright. I'll try my best to stay strong because the devil is after me. And yw :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • The way your ex treated you was wrong, and I understand that it made you feel bad and that you lost your sense of self-worth. Many people experience that, especially with their "first love", as those emotions are new and powerful, like nothing you've felt before, and you just don't know how to process them. It will get easier as you get more experience.

    Your key to moving forward is to work in improving your self-worth. You ARE a person deserving of respect and love, and it's vital that YOU know that, and that you are willing and able to stand up for yourself, and if you aren't getting it, especially from a romantic partner, you have to be strong enough to kick them to the curb, despite any feelings you might have for them. It's one thing to stick with someone who is struggling to improve, and another thing entirely to stick with someone who is abusing you and doesn't care how you feel. NEVER do that! You are worth more than that, always!

    Once your self-worth is improved, your attitude will be much more positive, and your confidence will return, and that will make you far more attractive to men across the board. You'll start getting asked out again, and have a chance to start over, smarter and wiser the second time around.

    As far as why he "let you go so easily", he may have never really felt a connection for you (I don't know), but even if he did, most men can compartmentalize their emotions when they have to, so even though he may seem fine in public, you don't know how he felt in private. But how he is really doesn't matter; that's the past, and you need to turn around and start looking to the FUTURE.

    I've written a couple of articles that I'd like you to read. They don't directly apply to this situation, but they might help you get some idea of how men and women think and act differently. That might help you in future relationships, and make you able to see the guy's point of view, so that you know what he's actually thinking and why.



    • I really appreciate you taking the time to give me, well-typed advice. Like I said, nobdy ask's me out so there's a small chance of dating, "again." I'm so sick of online dating... its played out! He did care about me at some point, I know he did. He used to show me are wedding song and his mom always confessed his love for me. This the part where I don't understand because I stayed with him through his struggles AND after he mistreated me. One thing I will never 4get is when he was half sleep and talk

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    • Those guys checking you out find you physically attractive, but your emotional state may be off-putting to them. They might also simply not have the guts to approach you, but it's still a good sign. You can build on that, by improving your emotional health and being a bit more outgoing and friendly with them to break the ice. I'm sure you'll be fine if you work on your self-worth and confidence!

    • Yea.. I don't think I will fully understand this until God is ready to reveal. I have a nice outgoing personality and I'm very kind-hearted but when I'm nice 2 guys they just act rude like I want them and they always mention that they have a girlfriend when I just want 2 b associates with them. Liike I said, I I'm not used 2 guys asking me out either way and there is no specific way of me finding out why they don't want me because I can tend 2 carry a lot of qualities that guys want but they overlook me.

What Girls Said 3

  • sry, no clue.

  • sry, no clue

  • You are cute with a nice shape, you can get more guys! Just be a little flirty in a teasing way and get more dolled up.don't chase after guys but if you see one looking at you give him a sexy cute glance.the best way to get over a guy is to get under another one

    • Haha I like that and why thank u! :) yea maybe that's what it is... I'm horrible at flirting. I get all frozen up so maybe I need 2 smile more. I mean, I don't want to get attached 2 another guy because ik how it feels 2 b split apart after you give them every bit of your heart. Thank you 4 your advice and I will apply it ;D